Nia Dark and Lovely, a Black Escort in London

I have just finished reading this paper by Teela Sanders. These articles are not available to the public, but Teela very kindly emailed them to me, to share with my readers.

Teela interviewed some clients and escorts in the UK for her book.

Sex work a risky business


The paper looks at how sex workers create emotion management strategies. It looks at Sex work as a service industry. The study concentrated on the indoor sex market. The women were selected on three criteria, they had to be aged 18 and over, British citizens and define their involvement in sex work as "voluntary".

Some of the areas that are covered are: strategies to manage emotions in the workplace, bodily exclusion zones, the condom as a psychological barrier, the manufactured identity, the preference for domination services,protecting the self and performing as a business strategy.

Teela interviews an escort called Natasha who pretends that she went to public school, and is waiting for an inheritance. Natasha 's physical appearance supports the story that she tells her clients, and the person that she pretends to be when she is marketing, negotiating, and peforming the service. Her appearance gives the impression that she is genuine the wig, implants, and penthouse that her fake character would live in. Natasha insists that her clients are convinced that the fake character she performs at work, is the same one that appears in other parts of her life.I read about Natasha, and have a strong feeling that I know who she is!

The paper looks at the importance and difficulties of maintaining multiple identities in this work. Teela also looks at how with regular clients this can be increasingly difficult, and how regular clients tend to know more about you.The escorts also talk about how stressful it is, trying to remember your cover story each time.

I know the feeling.

The dangers of telling the truth, could lead to obsessive behaviour by clients, and because most escorts are not open about the work that they do, they want to avoid the association with the whore stigma.

If you want to read the article here it is.

Labels: Articles, Sexworkers, Teela Sanders

There is always a first time. A friend had given a client my number. I went on an Outcall to his hotel. I walked into his hotel room, and Mr Golden Ager, had seen several girls that night. He had stamina, and I wonder whether he was on Viagra. I have never met anyone of that age, who could go for so long.

Well, he went down on me, for hours. He sucked, and sucked, and sucked. Like a baby to a mother's breast. I had to stop him, and tell him that it was time to bring things to a close. What I was not aware of, was that my pussy lips were swollen, which surprised me, because I was not sore.

They looked like I had been given numerous botox injections,down there. It freaked the hell out of me. By the look on his face, his mission was accomplished, and he still wanted more! Apparently this is what he did to the escorts he saw.

I was upset, as I thought that I was disfigured. This happened when I first started, and I did not feel I could call my friend and tell her. It took more than a week, for my pussy lips to return to their normal size.

I have only had one other occasion, where I did my back in, while seeing a client.He put every muscle in my body to use, and again it was a number of days before I could work again.

I read this yesterday, something else that I have to worry about.

Labels: clients, guardian, Occupational Hazards

The industry is based on needs and desires. I am always amazed at how certain months of the year are really busy, and then you have quiet periods. It fluctuates all the time, and I can never predict how work is going to come in(no pun intended) .

I read this yesterday. Millions of adults blow 350 million pounds on payday and it got me thinking, as I do.

Some escorts say they are really busy on paydays, some can see no difference.

I know that when it is payday for me, Mr Bills gets paid. It saddens me, and causes such internal conflict, that he always get a percentage of what I earn.

I think it is so easy as an escort to splurge whatever comes in. There is so much focus on how you look, that it is so easy to justify shopping for clothes, shoes,and bags as a work expense.

I had a client Mr Puntaddict, who spent most of his earnings on escorts, and got into major debt. He just could not stop, and continues.

How many of you arrange a date on Payday?

What do you do as soon as your Pay has gone in?

It is amazing when things are quiet, and then most escorts I know are quiet.

Do all the men out there send each other ESP messages, saying let us keep the sex drive low?

If you are booking an escort in the US and need an alibi, the Petulant Pooner can show you how!

Labels: Petulant Pooner, Reuters, Thoughts

I did my usual catch up on reading the messageboards this weekend. It is important to keep up with what is going on. Who to add to my blacklist, and which escorts to avoid.

The common issue on the boards that I read, seems to be market prices. Either the prices are too high, or they are dropping.

Thank you to those of you who sent me information on what is happening outside London.

There seems to be a lot of anxiety around. We have several camps.

The what do you get for 1000 pounds per hour, that you cannot get for 150-200 per hour camp.

The best is cheapest camp.

The most expensive is best camp.

If you charge a certain rate, you belong to the wham bam market camp. However, some clients have found quality girls at cheap prices.

Then we have the you get what you pay for camp.

Finally, which surprised me, was the we have reached an all time low camp, and what will happen with the expected influx of escorts from Bulgaria and Romania.

What do I think about all this?

Well, I think that visiting an escort is a luxury, and the prices are reasonable for a luxury product. I also believe that a higher price does not guarantee a quality experience, and lots of reviews give evidence of this. I believe that there are lots of quality providers at every level of the industry. My view on the women who charge 5000 pounds plus for their time, is if they can get it, take it.

I have no fears about escorts coming in from Bulgaria and Romania. I believe there is room for everyone.Different people like different things.

For the US view on this, Glengarry always has something interesting to say.

What is all the fuss about?

It is only money after all, right?

*Gets flame retardent coat and heads to the train station*

Have a good week!

Labels: Black escort, Escort rates, Glengarry Leads

I went on an Outcall last month. I walked into his hotel room, and this guy was Mr Huge in the size department. He was Black.

I took one look at him, and thought, there is absolutely no way he could fit inside of me.

I have seen a number of dicks in my time, as you know, and I know what is manageable. Fortunately, he wanted some oral, and hand relief. I was spared the embarassment of having to say no.

A really pleasant guy.He said he wanted me to meet his wife, on the next visit! He wanted me to teach her a few things. I was shocked, but hey each to their own. I do not see couples, and am not bisexual either, but have made some exceptions.

I was out of there in half an hour, and walked away with a tip, that was more than my two hourly rate.

The only time that this happened to me was years ago, before I started escorting. I was seeing someone, and he was so big, it hurt. It was so painful that we decided to leave it. As you can imagine, that relationship did not last too long.

There are a number of escorts who state on their sites, that they do not see Black men. They have their reasons. I think it is important to work in a way that is comfortable for you. I do not see all Black men, in the same way that I do not see all Asian or White men.

Most of the time, I have not had a problem with men of colour. The men that I do have problems with, I do not see again.

Labels: Black escort, clients, London, size

I opened my work(non escort related) email yesterday, and my personal email , and found lots of invitations to meet for drinks, meals and parties for December.

My heart sank. December, is usually a manic month for me. I tend to see a lot of people just before Christmas and the New year, that I have not been able to meet in the year. I have a number of things that I do aside from escorting, so the numbers of people is quite high. My experience is that some people get quite upset if you do not attend their Christmas parties, and take it quite personally.It is a time for me to thank friends and colleagues for all their support throughout the year, and catch up in a non work environment.

It is really hard for me to find a balance, between pleasing friends, colleagues, ex colleagues, and clients. I really can only see people who have given me ample notice in December, because it is too manic otherwise. I end up feeling stressed out.It is Sod's law, that most clients tend to call when my diary is filling up, and I have to let them down. If I spend most of my time seeing clients, then I do not get to see my friends, which is important for me.

Escorting is part of my life, and not all of my life, and I like to keep it that way. I take my hat off to women in the industry whose lives revolve totally around escorting, and are not jaded. I think I would go mad, if I was in that position.I need to have parts of my life that are not based on how I look, how much I weigh, how I am dressed,what I do and do not do;to remain sane.

Can you please all the people all the time?

Labels: Black escort, Thoughts

A friend had given Jacques(not his real name) my number. He had a thing for Black escorts. I got to his flat one evening, and he seemed to be a normal guy. Some good background music playing, and a little chit chat. I got to know him better over time.

The first alarm bell, was him trying to heat something up in a pipe. I am no drug user, and at the time I had no idea what he was doing. Duh! He wanted us to dance, which was cool with me, and then he would take my clothes off. The next thing was having a bath together, which became a regular thing. I usually have a shower before I see a client, but with Jacques, it was part of the booking. I am shaven, and on further bookings Jacques would ask whether he could shave me. I was not prepared to take the risk with his drug use, and really would not let any client do this.

I remember saying to Jacques, that I needed to go to the loo. His face lit up, and he asked me whether I would piss in his mouth. I was shocked, watersports is not up my street at all. As soon as he said it, I suddenly did not need to go to the loo. He begged and begged, but I just could not do it. This is not about my Catholic upbringing, it is more about being programmed to use a toilet bowl when I need to go to the loo, not someone's mouth. I know some people drink their own piss, because they feel it can cure ailments, but that is not something I do either.

Jacques, is very successful in his field. He is one of the guys who will get a very hefty bonus this year. What I saw was a vulnerable man, who was rebelling against his parents, who carried lots of guilt, with low self esteem.

I think the drugs helped him relax, but affected his performance. He could not get it up at all, and did not care. He got his pleasure out of pleasing me, the bookings were always lots of kissing, and him giving me oral. He is good at oral. I find most cokeheads, and other clients who use drugs, tend to be really good at oral. These guys tend to extend the booking time too,which means more money. However, it can be hard work. Jacques told me that his parents would be horrified if they knew what he was doing, and furthermore with a Black woman.

Do I really need to be listening to this?

Yes, I am paid to listen, and boy did I listen to Jacques. I think that was what he needed. Someone to listen and smile without judging him. The downside is, when it was time to go, he would get upset, and ask me to stay. He had paid for more time, but then wanted me to stay with him on my own time, as he said I was only going home to bed! The other thing is that whenever he called me, he expected me to fly to his flat, and would call me about six times, before I got there. I was never late, but I think there was something about him having no concept of time, with whatever drug he was taking.

I worry about him, and am also fascinated by how he can function so well in the outside world. I have read about him in the newspaper. Sadly each time I see him, his drug use has increased. He said he would like to see me as a friend, but does not feel that he has the guts to, without drugs.

Bookings with guys who take drugs are usually a piece of cake, and as I said more money, but also extremely draining for me. I think if I took drugs, then it would be okay, but I do not.

Must dash otherwise someone is going to get pissed off with me.

Have a good weekend!

Labels: Black escort, Boundaries, clients, drugs, London

I got an email the other day, which may have been genuine. Someone wanted to book me for a friend to cheer him up. It was an Outcall.

Well, nice thought, but I would need to verify the person that I was visiting.

How would I do that if it was a surprise?

So the answer was no. If I am unable to screen a client, then I am not taking the booking.

It reminded me of an Outcall that I went on last year. I did my screening, and set off, it was an early morning call on a Sunday morning. I get there, and walk into the living room, and, wait for this, there are three guys there! Not one, not two, but three! I asked the guy who booked me why the other guys were there, and he claimed they wanted to watch. Yeah, right!

The client paid me my fee,which I left on the table. I said I needed to let my cab know, how long I would be, and I was out of there.

Fortunately, there are a number of people who know where I am when I see clients, and who will call me, or call the police if I do not check in with them by a certain time.

Labels: Black escort, escorting, security

I had a conversation with another escort yesterday which I found really disturbing. Her identity, and address were posted on a messageboard, by another member.She has decided to leave the industry as a result.

I find the whole messageboard culture, fascinating and sickening. The first messageboard that I ever came across was the Punternet messageboard, which no longer exists.. I think it went down as a result of flame wars, allegations, accusations, and identities being revealed.

I think for someone who is new to the industry messageboards can give you some insight into what happens. I found some useful information on there, from other escorts, and the warning boards are useful too. I have also made contact with other escorts via the messageboards.

There is another side, that I find disturbing. The trolls, and the people who go into attack mode, for no reason, and resort to destroying lives. I have read about information being painted on front doors, tracking down members at work, and leaving threats,visits to schools, and it goes on and on and on.

There was an article in the Guardian on Monday about Celebrity Untouchables. It talked about how there is a law for some celebrities, and another for the rest of us. The idea of living a life beyond accountability and judgement might be many people's idea of heaven on earth, and this explains why large numbers of ordinary folk continue to crave celebrity.

Celebrities exist on the various messageboards, and you can see that they are able to do and say things that other members cannot get away with.Moderation on some boards is a joke.Some posts that are offensive, are allowed to stand on boards,well logically if a post is left to stand then it conforms to what the board owner wants or is happy to be posted.

I resent the fact that some people feel that they have the right to endanger lives. There is a lot of bullying that takes place on boards, and the people who dish out, are rarely able to take what is thrown at them.

I wonder whether anyone has done any research on messageboard culture on the internet?

I belong to other forums that have nothing to do with this industry, and the dynamics are similar, so I wonder whether it is just how some people behave, and are programmed, it is part of their nature.

I wonder whether the sense of gratification, and recognition that they get by behaving in this way, is important to them?

I think for the individuals who have been victims of these campaigns on messageboards, it is devastating, and ruins their lives. It sickens me, and saddens me, and I feel for anyone out there who has been on the receiving end of this behaviour.

My view is most of the people who carry out these attacks have major issues that they need to take to a therapist, but they are in so much denial that they believe they do not have issues.

A friend who I met via a messageboard said to me , a message board is a dictatorship, within any dictatorship any rules are merely the current whim of the dictator, because it is a dictatorship then any and all rules are there to be obeyed or ignored at the whim of the dictator thus rendering them useless, which in actual fact they are, if the rules were set in stone and enforced then that would reduce the power of the dictator.

Glengarry Leads points out what is happening in the US, and the use and abuse of power by messageboard celebrities.

It seems to be a universal problem.

Labels: Glengarry Leads, guardian, Messageboards, Punternet

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who felt really guilty about how he earned his living. His job involves him helping out people who have problems, and he said that he felt really bad, knowing he was making money out of anothers misery.My friend is self employed, and felt that if he worked for Social services he would feel less guilty.

It got me thinking, as I do, about escorting. I know that some of my clients come to see me, because they cannot get what they want at home.Some clients have partners who are terminally ill, or their partners have stopped having sex with them altogether. Some can get what they want at home, but want variety. Some want a warm body, a hug, and some just want to talk nonstop.

I do not feel that I am profiting financially from the misery of others, because not all my clients are in miserable situations. I do enjoy escorting at times.I am left feeling entertained, relaxed and appreciated with some clients; and frustrated, insulted and threatened by others.

Getting back to the money. It is not up to me to decide whether a date with me is worth the going rate: that is my client's choice. I only have encounters with clients who have determined, that the time and money they spend with me is worth it to them.

For any campaigners in the UK, I came across this yesterday.

Something that Glengarry brought up in his comments on my post yesterday, raises the question of how discreet some escorts are. I never call my clients unless they have given me permission to. I do not email either, unless they have let on that it is okay to do so.

I read on a messageboard a while back, that some escorts send clients texts saying they are free, and would the clients like to make a booking.The clients said they would never book these escorts again, because of their lack of discretion. Texting or calling someone out of the blue, not knowing who they are with could be fatal, as Glengarry points out.

I do worry about regulars who I have not seen for a long while. Yes, they could be ill or dead, but I would never call to check. I do not feel that it is appropriate for me to make contact, without permission.

Labels: Black escort, discretion, escorting, Guilt

I find that the majority of the escorts and clients that I know, do not tell friends, partners or employers about this aspect of their lives.

We all have different reasons. Some clients will never admit to another soul that they have paid for it.

I would not tell my mother, coming from good Catholic stock, being honest would cause emotional pain, and would kill her.

Can we be accused of lying when we have never been asked the questions?

I read Compartments post yesterday. She feels that it is the social stigma that makes it so much bigger for all of us.

I agree with her, and also think that escorts are a safety valve. A client sent me an email, last week, and said keep up the good work. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, that if he did not come to see me, he would be after his colleagues, or relatives. So, I prevented him from straying into areas that could be dangerous for him. I need to hold onto what he said, at all times.

Have a good week.

Labels: Black escort, Compartments, escorting, Friction, Stigma

I sometimes feel that I would prefer all my clients to be regulars. They are loyal. Purely, from a psychological perspective, it is easier for me to deal with regulars. However, I find that occasionally the boundaries do get blurred. Guys sometimes want that bit more, and it is not possible. It becomes awkward as these are people that I have been seeing for a while, and I have to be quite sensitive as to how I spell out what is and is not likely to happen. I admit that over time, I lower my defenses which I feel is inevitable, but can be problematic.

I had two regulars last year, who tried to pull a fast one on me. I was stunned.

Should I have expected this?

They are on my blacklist.

I am aware that there are some regulars who if I met them in another context, I would spend time with. I think it can be a challenge to work within this framework, without being labelled as cold, a clock watcher or just in it for the money.

Trying to keep the relationship commercial is tricky. Some guys I meet feel that it is personal, and the thing is, people that I have personal relationships with do not pay me. The relationship with a client is intimate, two people relating to each other. At some point, someone may tend to see things for more than what they are.

I have had clients who helped me out with advice on certain things, and have refused payment. There has been no expectation that I pay them in kind.

I do give my regulars more leeway than non regulars.

I know that some escorts get round this problem by stating that they will only see regular clients for a limited number of times, which I think is a sensible policy.Escorts are entitled to set rules that fit, for them.

I had a conversation about this with a friend who is a male escort and he felt that there were two kinds of regulars.

Static regulars who know what they want, never change, are loyal and you want to keep forever; and who are accordingly very rare.

Escalating regulars who start out as a good thing but either end up wanting you to move in with them (so they can look after you) or who meet you at the door one day brandishing a riding crop and saying

"I thought we would do a bit of spanking! You do not mind if I come in your eyes after I have leathered you, do you?"

who are more common, but finite, and who someone you thought was a static may suddenly metamorphose into an escalating at any moment.

I can identify with my friend's view. Suddenly an expectation that I will provide something that is not on offer. A sudden need for me to take an A level exam when I have no interest in that whatsoever. A client once said to me

" But you do that with your boyfriend, so why not with me ?"

My response " I don't think so honey." I spared him the long spiel of how he could never be my boyfriend.

Bringing the conversation back into the here and now, remember why we are here, some clients find difficult to take on board.

I love my regulars but someone has to maintain a business framework, and deal with expectations (realistic or not) and implement the boundaries with kindness and respect.

Labels: Black escort, Escort Blacklist, escorting, London, Regulars

I read this article in the Economist and wondered what the parallels were in this industry.

Swarm intelligence can be used to influence what shoppers buy. The article looks at adaptive behaviour and how by using certain technology you can encourage people to buy more, by playing on the herd instinct. The idea is that, if a certain item is seen to be popular, shoppers are likely to choose it too. The challenge is to keep customers informed about what others are buying.

On Punternet there is a chart of ladies with more than 20 reviews.

Some clients look at these charts, and feel safer seeing escorts who have multiple reviews.

Captain 69 has a top twenty chart, but it is based on favourites, rather than number of reviews, and is not something that should be taken seriously. Members submit their favourites, and they appear on the chart. You could submit a favourite, and they appear half way up the chart.

I have read so many different views on this. Some clients prefer to see escorts who have multiple reviews, as they feel they will not be ripped off. They tend to follow reviewers who they feel have similar interests. Some clients avoid escorts who have multiple reviews, as they feel that they are conveyor belts, irrespective of the rates that the escort charges.You have escorts who are considered high end, who have 100 plus reviews. Some clients are not bothered about the reviews at all.

I have found that some of my clients have only come to see me because I have reviews, and would not have bothered if I did not. They would not have taken the risk. I have mixed feelings about this way of thinking, and yet I appreciate if you are spending a certain amount of money, you want to feel that you are getting what is advertised. I think reviews can make a difference, but not that much of a difference.

I wonder whether any escorts out there feel that their business has changed as a result of reviews?

I wonder how many men out there follow these charts?

The review sites seem to make money, so something must be working.

Labels: Captain69, Economist, Escort Reviews, Punternet

I have just read what poor Glengarry leads has to put up with.

Clearly, the likes of Adultwork would not survive in Seattle.

Why did I think it was liberal in the USA???????

Labels: Adultwork, Glengarry Leads

Thank you for all your comments, and emails on the guilt post yesterday. Wow, what a reaction guilt raises.

Maybe we should think of setting up a virtual support group for lapsed Catholics?

I feel there is a need out there.

The majority of my clients are married men. Some of them have to plan in advance to see me. Trying to find a time when the wifey is away, or out shopping. Sometimes, a client will call and apologise that he has not been able to see me for a while, because he has not been able to escape. I find it quite sweet when they ring and apologise. No apology needed, but sweet all the same.

It is such a build up for some clients, as they cannot get to see escorts regularly, and it may be that they are seeing me once every three or four months.

I realise that when they put so much effort into it, what it must be like when it all goes terribly wrong. You book someone for the first time, and she is nothing like what you expected, or not the person that you saw on the website.

What does that feel like,when you have planned so far in advance?

The only thing I can compare it to, is when I go on holiday and stay in a hotel that I have never been to before, and it is awful.I like nothing to go wrong when I am on holiday. Fortunately, it has only happened to me once, and I was able to check out, and upgrade to somewhere that was more suited to my needs.I think when you want to treat yourself to something special and it does not meet up to your expectations, it can be a major disappointment.

It reminds me of some previous relationships that I had, before I started escorting. I have been out with some players in my time. I was always the one who was faithful, and then decided, that I would two time, and see what it felt like. It was stressful, with all the lies that I had to tell, and really draining. I just do not know how people who cheat do it. I know that I was struggling to have my tracks covered at all times, but then both my partners were in the same city.When both guys found out, I was the one in the wrong, despite them having cheated on me.

Where is the justice in that?

It reminds me of something that I saw on the news last night, an Afghani married woman was raped by her landlord. She was imprisoned for adultery, yet she was raped by a stranger.

Is this right and fair?

I know it is different when you book an escort, because you can arrange it in such a way that you meet at a place where your partner is unlikely to see you. Although I have heard of clients being spotted by their partner's friends.

What a tangled web we weave.

Have a good weekend.

Labels: Advance booking, Black escort, escorting, Thoughts

For those of you who are interested Julia O'Connell Davidson has an article on trafficking online.

Labels: Articles, Julia O'Connell Davidson, Trafficking

I slept with a priest yesterday. I had seen him a number of times, but he only let on that he was a priest yesterday, after he had come. This guy is up there with the DATY experts.

I wonder who taught him how to do it?

When he went down on me, I started to sing Hallelujah! He managed to do things at just the right pace. After he came, he disclosed that he was a priest. This freaked the hell out of me. I am a lapsed catholic, and can barely remember what I was taught in my catechism. It is strange, because every saturday, I was dragged off for spiritual direction, and had to learn all this stuff, off by heart. One thing I do remember is no sex with priests, no sex end of, unless you were married.

Well, where am I now?

He was not a catholic, so maybe that is not so bad. I know I am going down, but I just did not want to tip the scales, and sleeping with a priest may do that. In fact I believe most of us are going down, so see you all there :)

Had I known he was a priest before he saw me, would I have seen him?

I do not think so. I know this all sounds really hypocritical, but I just feel uncomfortable with it. Clearly if he had not mentioned it, I would not have had an issue with it. I guess my view on priests is, they are sacred.

Yeah, yeah, I also know about the priests who sexually abuse children, women and men, and I find that sick.

I have a client, a Trustafarian, who felt really guilty whenever he saw me. He was young, fit, and had lots of money to burn. Same routine, whenever I saw him. Catch up on what had been happening in our lives, debate about current events, and then down to action. This man worked my body out, and he had some serious moves. When it was all over, the guilt came out. He could not understand why I was doing this.

Why had I chosen escorting?

If things were so bad, why did I not stack shelves?

I was intelligent, and educated, and he felt awful dealing with what he had done to me. He said he felt sick. The thing is he kept on calling every week, without fail.

So, if it was so bad, why did he call?

I think with the Trustafarian, it was a ritual that we needed to go through each time we met.

Then there is Mr Swot who feels guilty because he knows why I do this, but would feel better if I was just doing it to buy Mulberry handbags, bless him.

It goes on and on and on and on.

Labels: Black escort, Boundaries, clients, Guilt, London

This is something that some of my clients say. There are several ways in which it can be interpreted. One of which is, that they want to make sure that I have a good time.

I feel uncomfortable when it is something that is said, as soon as someone has sat down, because I feel the pressure is on. Yes, I know I can fake it, and we know that lots of escorts out there do. The difficulty for me, is that I cannot come on demand, it is just not the way that I function. Each time I come, there is no particular thing, that I can pinpoint to, that made it happen. It just happens.

Julia O' Connell Davidson raises this issue in her book,

Prostitution Power and Freedom

She says "When a client expresses a wish for the prostitutes they use to achieve genuine orgasm, it seems to me that this too reflects a desire truly to possess the woman, rather than simply contract for her "services". Because they (wrongly) imagine that, if a prostitute orgasmed, it would be attributable to their own sexual performance, to evoke a genuine sexual response in a prostitute woman is seen as proof of having penetrated beyond the professional "facade". It is a victory over the prostitute woman because she is imagined to have lost control."

Belle de Jour covers the issue in her book on Page 94. She says "Regarding orgasms at work I don't. I don't equate number of orgasms with the level of enjoyment of sex, nor good sex with the ability to produce an orgasm. Let's be honest, this is a customer service position, not a self-fulfilment odyssey. They're paying for their orgasm, not mine. Plenty of the men- more than you might think-never even come at all. They never imply it's a failure on my part. Sometimes they're just after human contact, a warm body, an erotic embrace."

So no orgasm for me does not mean that you are crap. It is not about me evaluating your performance, even though that is what you may want me to do.

Labels: Belle de Jour, Black escort, books, Escort orgasms, Julia O'Connell Davidson, London

Last week, as a civilian in another setting, I double booked a client. I am mortified. I do not double book. When the receptionist interrupted my meeting to say that a client was there to see me, I could not believe it. I can only put it down to, having too much on my mind at the moment, and that I am prone to make mistakes during these testing times.

I have heard that some escorts who offer incalls double book. The thinking behind it, is that so many timewasters call them up and book, and very few show up.

What do you do when two men turn up on your doorstep at the same time?

I have heard clients say that they have double booked too, just in case they are let down by the escort that they want to see.

Do they inform the backup escort that she is the second option, and it is a provisional booking?

How many of you are guilty of double booking?

Labels: Black escort, Double Booking

What does this mean?

Is she an Ice queen?

Is it about an escort keeping within her boundaries?

There is a section in

Live sex acts by Wendy Chapkis

One of the sex workers, describes the boundaries that doctors, firefighters, psychiatrists need to keep in place, to do their work. Her view is that as an escort if you do this, it is somehow not acceptable, or your clients do not like it.

This is from

Sex work writings by women in the sex industry by Delacoste and Alexander


Peggy morgan an exotic dancer says

"The macho insecure types need more. On some level they know what a great equalizer prostitution is, and they are not satisfied with a simple business transaction. Not only do we have to work at getting them off and making them feel good, but we have to put up with their clumsy, grubby hands pawing our bodies-and pretend to enjoy it. It is not that these customers really want to please a woman-most of the time these are the same ones who will argue about money or make a fuss about having to pay up front. They simply want to feel power over the whore, who is by implication of her class and gender someone beneath them."

It is difficult to gauge what each individual client wants or needs, as I have raised in the guessing game.

Some clients want some conversation, and want you to be friendly, and some clients want to get down to action as soon as possible.

I had a client who did not want me to say a word, when we met. He cringed any time, I spoke. The conversation consisted of a few words, hello, thank you, and directions to the bathroom.

It felt really weird initially, as he was someone that I saw frequently, and I usually ask clients how they have been. Some small talk is necessary, for me. However, after a while it did not matter. He was a lonely man, who lacked social skills, and never initiated any conversation, and clearly did not want any.

It is so tricky, because if you are chatty, you can be accused of talking too much, and wasting valuable time, and if you say nothing, you risk being labelled as too professional. The other disadvantage around being friendly, is a client picking up the wrong signals, and believing that there is more to the relationship.

There have been debates about some of these clients on other messageboards.The men who want action asap, who are also known as men who want you to meet them with your knickers round your ankles . Or they are also known as men who just want to empty their tanks, and are usually advised by women on other boards to go to brothels.

So what is too professional in your view?

Or

What is it for an escort to be unprofessional?

I have just come across this on another messageboard. I tend to check my email at work.

Does anyone have any infomation on the legal position in the UK?

Labels: Black escort, books, escorting, Professionalism, security

Unlike any other job, you have to be who your clients want you to be. It is all part of the fantasy. It can get very tricky.

I am someone who tends to go with the flow. However, I think some clients expect you to be a mind reader. I am not opposed to any client telling me what they want. Some do, and send emails prior to a meeting, explaining in great detail how they would like things to be.

I read something on a messageboard recently where a client was offended that an escort had asked him what he liked, at the start of the meeting. I know some escorts who do this, too. He found it awkward. I can appreciate that. People are different, and just because an escort is an escort, does not mean that she will know what each client wants. We are not mindreaders.

Or are we supposed to be?

If I think of some of the work settings that I have been in,elsewhere. When I meet potential clients, I give them some background about myself, and then tell them about how I work. So if they have any misconceptions, they can either go somewhere else, or we can look at how we can work together.

When I go to my hairdresser, and I am having my hair coloured or cut, I sometimes leave it in her hands, as I tend to be happy with the end product normally,or I tell her what I would like.

I know it can be awkward for some clients. They do not want to discuss anything at all, and I must confess I feel the same, at times. However, when you read the messageboards, or some of the reviews, clients say that the escort was not value for money, or not what they expected. I wonder whether in these cases the client made their expectations clear to the escort.

Talking about it can work against you. On Captain 69 there is a criteria for reviewers where you mark whether you forgot you were with an escort.

A funny old world, with no defined roles! I will continue to attempt to figure out what everybody wants from me.

Or maybe someone out there can enlighten me?

I have to dash, or someone is not going to be too happy with me this morning. Have a good weekend!

Labels: Black escort, Captain69, escorting, Thoughts

Well, it really depends on the individual client. The nature of the work, is that you never know what a client will be like, until he arrives. I feel that some of what I provide could be considered as nurturing, positive or even therapeutic.

There are some things that I am happy to do, and others that I am not. I am not happy to do anything that will cause me physical harm, endanger my health, or something that I find repulsive. The market is saturated in London, and there are lots of escorts who are willing to do all sorts of things.

I struggle when I read some escorts attack other escorts because of the services they provide. My view is, as long as they are comfortable with what they are doing, are aware of the risks involved, and it is consensual, then that is their business. What I resent is clients who do X with these escorts, and then expect the same from every escort that they encounter.

I have met four clients this year who asked me for something that I felt was totally unacceptable. I am shocked each time the question is posed.

What do these four men have in common?

They are all married,educated, White males over 40, who frankly should know better. The result is that, these are individuals that I will never come in contact with again. They are on my blacklist, and are considered high risk.

I think that things have changed in the last ten years, and before it was not unusual for escorts not to kiss, as they felt it was too intimate. I think with the numbers of escorts available in London now, some escorts feel they need to offer things that previously were not an option, to remain competitive.

I find this sad, but it is their choice. This applies to some agencies as well, who will only take on escorts if they provide a range of services. If the escort is not willing to provide what the agency believes to be in demand, then they are not likely to get work. Things begin to get murky, when an escort does not advertise certain services, but offers those services to certain clients. Those clients then write reviews, stating that they were provided with X, and the escort is then having to either deny she provides X, or explain that it is only offered to the chosen few.

I am aware that the greater an escort's economic desperation, the less likely they are able to turn down a client's requests.

Some people say that it is all about the money. Well, no amount of money can give a client a licence to do what they want with me.

Labels: Black escort, escorting, London, My thoughts on what I do

I am amazed when I hear that some escorts get upset when their clients see other girls. In some cases, they have stopped seeing the client, as they were offended that he went elsewhere.I think this response is disproportionate.They feel that their clients are disloyal.

What is that about?

This is a classic case of blurring the boundaries.

Men like variety. I have no expectations that any of my clients should see me, and only me. If anything, I actively encourage the men who say they do not see anyone else, to try someone else.

The other thing that I have heard, is some escorts taking offence, as they discover that their clients have seen someone who they feel, is not in their league. The escort hierarchy raises its ugly head, yes it exists.

I accept it is bad manners when you see a client, and he spends the entire time he is with you, discussing all of his escort encounters. Yes, some men do this, and I have experienced it.

If I found out that any of my clients saw streetworkers , I would not be offended. I think I would be fascinated by the different choices that they make. I would not take it personally.

Some clients do not want to upset some of their regular escorts, and use different handles to write reviews, so that the escort will not pick up that they have seen someone else.

It can become so complex for some escorts who are checking the review sites, and feel that their clients are being disloyal, by the style that they have written reviews for other escorts. The comparison issue.

I just want to say to any women who may feel this way, try and chill out. The thing is, if you let it affect you, you will find yourself becoming frustrated a lot of the time. What a client does when he is not with me, is his business. If a regular stops seeing me, after a while, that is not a big issue. Clients will always come and go.

How can I ever expect to have ownership over a client?

The other side of it, is clients who are regulars who want to know how many clients I have seen in a week. This question is inappropriate. I feel that it would be appropriate, if the person asking the question was my pimp, or manager. As I am independent, it is not.

The question that usually follows this, is a client expressing discomfort around the fact that I see other clients.

Hellooooooooooooooooo!

If you want exclusivity, then arrangements can be made. Other than that, you know what the deal is from the start.

Life will be stressful, if you only are able to see things for what you would like them to be; rather than for what they are.

I am not suggesting that you cannot have these feelings. My thoughts are more along the lines of how people who feel this way, manage their anxiety/disappointment.

Labels: Black escort, Boundaries, escorting

I read a remark that someone made a while ago. He could not understand why some clients thanked escorts after seeing them. His view was that the client is paying, so he should not thank the escort,the escort should thank him.

I read this, and found it quite fascinating. It made me wonder what his views were on escorts in general. Of course I thank my clients, however some of them say thank you when they leave, and some go beyond that and send an email or text thanking me again.

I believe it is common courtesy to say thank you, when I am paying for something. I thank my doctor, dentist,lawyer, nail technician, reflexologist, masseuse, hairdresser etc. I am paying them ; however it does not prevent me from saying thank you.

Whenever I speak to Jo, she usually thanks me for listening. I do not feel that it is necessary, as I believe that listening is part of the friendship package, although I say the same to her. I met Jo early this year when she was in London, on Tour. We had made contact via email last year, but did not meet until this year. She is one of the few escorts I know, who I consider a friend/sister.Jo is one of the kindest escorts I have ever come across, and is always there for me. Thank you Jo. The day we met, one of the first things we did, within ten minutes of meeting was strip, and check out who had a bigger bum. For those of you who are wondering how I made the leap from introduction stage, to showing Jo my bum, it was not a leap. It was a gradual process, as the bum size issue, had been discussed on many occasions. Jo could not believe I had a bigger bum than her. I do, but could still fit into her clothes, as I have a small waist.

Do I show my bare bum to every escort that I meet?

No, but when I met Pru I did. We had discussed size on numerous occasions too.

Am I obsessing ?

No, I know my bum has a life of its own, and I have come to terms with it.

Labels: Black escort, Escorts, Joanne of Leeds, Thoughts

What a beautiful day it is today. If only it were a bit warmer.

I do not understand why men call up and say they want details. I raised this issue last year on the Punternet message board which is now defunct.

What response do you want?

I can appreciate that the response will vary with each individual.

Most of the information that I am asked for, is already on my website.

What is the thinking behind calling and asking for questions that are already on my website?

I have heard all the arguments for this.

Some men say they just had a quick glance at the site, and took down the number. They want to sound you out over the telephone. They want to know what to expect. Well that is covered in the reviews fully, and if you do not see what you are looking for, then take it, that it is not available.

I had a conversation with someone a while ago. He was unable to elicit a certain type of response from me. The conversation went along these lines.

"Do you Provide X?"
"Yup."
"Really?"
"Yup." I do not but was onto him.
"Do you see men who are Black,Asian or Oriental?"
"Yes." I wonder whether he is all three.
"Can I be rough with you?"
"Yup" Of course not, I am just playing along.
" I am 6ft 9in and well endowed, is that a problem?"
"No, all my boyfriends have been larger than you."

Surprise, surprise, the conversation ended suddenly. I think my last response rattled his concept of himself.

I am aware that there are genuine callers out there, wankers and timewasters. Yes, this all goes with the territory. I am not opposed to answering questions; however there are some questions that I will not answer. The details questions is one of them, and anyone who asks this question will be referred to my website.

I know some escorts have receptionists,or an answering service to deal with these types of callers.I think it is a good idea, and weeds out the timewasters, however I tend to like to know who I am talking to. I think the details question may be appropriate in a parlour, that may not have a site, where you can enquire who is working, stats, what is and is not provided.

Teela sanders

in her book says that " escorts start from a position of distrust until proven otherwise.She also mentions that an escort decides whether a client is genuine or not based on the information she observes or can further acquire."

There is a whole section on picking clients and she says that "escorts test their clients on the telephone.To leave the impression that they are trustworthy, callers must display a range of qualities in the initial telephone conversation. A straightforward approach, asking for an appointment without going into detail of the service or the price, is considered a genuine request. Polite language and a respectful tone suggest the caller is safe enough to move on to another stage."

I agree with all her points. This is my perspective based on my experiences. I do answer some questions, but definitely not the details question.

There is a discussion about this on the Punterlink forum for those of you who want to read more.

I do not seem to be the only one who has a problem with the way some clients ask me questions. I agree with Compartment's methods.

Labels: Black escort, escorting, Friction, London, Policies and Procedures, Punterlink, Punternet, Teela Sanders

I do not tend to see that many Firsttimers .Some escorts tend to get a lot of Firsttimers.

I have seen three Firsttimers since I started escorting. I have a friend who will not see them at all. Her view is that they are very demanding, and put you on a pedestal, and then you are used as a comparison. This is her choice, and clearly it is important that she works in a way that fits for her. I do not have strong feelings about Firsttimers.

I met Mr Insurance this week. I had no idea when he called me that he was a Firsttimer, but he mentioned it, as soon as he sat down. He told me that he was really nervous, and all I could say was it would be alright.

What can you say?

Mr Insurance is a man in a suit that you would take a second glance at. He looks good and does not flaunt it, and has piercing eyes that made my heart flutter.

Do a client's looks matter to me?

Not at all. How you look is of no importance to me, what I am concerned about, is how I am treated. I like gentlemen who treat me with respect.Mr Insurance was so lovely. He had done his research, and mentioned some things about my website,blog, and reviews. This is always a good sign in my book. I love a man who does his research.

He says he came to see me, because he was looking for a real person.Funnily enough, Mr Swot said this is why he booked me, too. I think I have a sense of what he means.

What are escorts who are not real like?

I guess they go through the motions, and you are unable to get a sense of who they are. I just cannot do fake. He had expected me to give him a list of things that were not possible. I found that weird, but on reflection when it is your first time, I am sure you imagine all sorts of things.

Mr Insurance is the sort of man that I could snuggle up with , and really have no need to say anything to. What I found amazing was that in no time Mr Insurance had shifted from Mr Nervous, to Mr This is what I want, and how I want it. I reminded him that Mr Nervous had disappeared, and we had a giggle.

He had managed to slot me in between several meetings that day. It adds a whole new meaning to the business lunch. The next time a male colleague tells me that he is going for a long business lunch, and returns with a smile on his face, I will wonder where he has been.

Mr Insurance made me promise not to be critical of the Insurance industry on the blog. Sorry, folks, I keep my promises. I will get him to clarify some unanswered questions, on how the industry treats their policy holders next time we meet.

My only concern with Firsttimers is that if they become serious converts, the first experience has influenced that in some way,I believe. So, as an escort I hold some responsibility there. Yikes!

I know, I know, this is the old catholic guilt stuff at play.

Thank god it is Friday. Have a good weekend.

Labels: Black escort, clients, Firstimers, London

I got an email from Mr Swot yesterday. He has been reading the blog and he thinks my sentences have more stray commas than you can point a big stick at. He suggested that I buy a copy of

Eats shoots leaves by Lynne Truss

I think Mr Swot was having a bit of a stickler moment, you know shock/disbelief and then ,I must tell Nia about her punctuation. I told him I had a copy of the book, and had bought it when it came out. I had not read it, as so much of my life involves reading for other stuff, and it has not been a priority. I told him I had an A level in English, and he asked to see my certificate, when we next meet!!!!! I was not aware that he was a member of the Punctuation protection society, but he clearly supports them.Mr Swot I have started reading it, so bear with me,please.

Yesterday I was listening to Choice FM, and could not believe my ears. A sixteen year old boy, had his father charged for assault for dragging him out of bed in the morning. I mentioned this to J, who is my favourite cab driver, when he came to see me. J has a great sense of humour, and is a straight talker, which is what I like about him. He told me that if that boy had been his son he would have ******* thrown his ass out! I have to agree with him. Do not get me wrong, I feel very strongly about child abuse, however I do not think this was the case. J told me that if he could not get up, his mother used to pour a bucket of water over him ! J is from Grenada. My mother was not so harsh. She gave me two chances, and then would put a wet flannel over my face, which would get me up in no time.


It would never have occurred to me, to call the police when she did this, and say that I had been assaulted. In fact where I come from, the police would have laughed, and probably suggested that I go to the local mental hospital. One thing that I do know, had I been able to take out an assault charge on my mother, is that I would definitely have no home to go back to.

Maybe someone out there can help me. You get charged for assault for dragging your child out of bed in the morning. You also get prosecuted if your kids lie in bed all day and do not go to school.

These are definitely changing times.

Where is the logic?

Labels: Black escort, books, clients, Thoughts

I feel uncomfortable when clients start to tell me the reason why they use escorts, when we meet. It is one of the first things that is said, when we meet.

The reasons are so varied, and I feel I really do not need to know why my clients do, what they do.

My discomfort is around my clients possibly feeling, that they need to justify why they come to see me. I have been described as many things, but judgmental has never been one of them. So my response is usually, please, please do not feel you need to tell me this.

I am aware that there is a stigma out there, but I take individuals for who they are, and do not pigeonhole.

Labels: Black escort, escorting, Thoughts