Friday, June 29, 2007
Who Prepays escorts
I learn something new every day. I was not aware that pre pay for escorts existed.
Is this something that only happens in the US?
Or could some UK independent escorts enlighten me?
A clients pays for a batch of appointments from an escort. However, the escort does not give the client specific times and dates, for any of these bookings. Interesting concept, clearly something that these clients are willing to do with escorts that they have seen before, I imagine.
Some conventional wisdom on prepay, if that is what you choose to do.
Then you need to look at the psychology of prepay.
Maybe I have been living in the dark, but I had never heard of this.
Dr Pepper's Dance has been added to my sidebar. Pay him a visit.
Have a good weekend.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Independent escorts in Australia are up in arms
Independent escorts in Australia fear that the proposed brothel laws will have a negative effect on them.
The council may start paying detectives to have sex again in brothels, to gather evidence against them.
It is amazing that some women continue to work, with the pressure from law enforcement. I imagine that sex workers are not that high on the priority list, in the scheme of things.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Escorts and Stag Parties
I had a request on Monday for a stag party. I declined the request, as it is not something that I am prepared to do on my own.
I went to a stag party with a number of escorts, when I started escorting. It was a disaster. The men were okay. They had hired a luxury apartment, had caterers in. However, at the end of the evening some of us discovered that money was missing from our handbags. It is difficult in this situtation, to know who took what when. I learned a valuable lesson that night.
I wonder about escorts who are prepared to do stag parties on their own. It raises a number of security issues for me, and I am curious as to how these escorts can feel secure on their own.
Then again, they may do stag parties, with bodyguards on site, which is fine.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Client sensitivity towards escorts in the paid sex industry
I have a soft spot for clients whom I have met who show some sensitivity towards escorts.
Reading Chevalier's post on sensitivity is an example of this.
Chevalier is concerned about emailing two escorts about an appointment on the same day; and whether they would feel disrepected knowing he had contacted them both.
I think Chevalier needs to publish a guide for punters,johns,clients,pooners or whoremongers. He has a great attitude, and I wish every client that I came across thought the way he did.
I have had similar discussions with a number of escorts. Recently I had someone call me up, and he could not remember my name. I was amused, as he claimed he had a list, and could not remember where on the list I was. I have escort friends who have had this experience, and men who respond in this manner are on their do not see list. They will also not see men who start off by saying, or email claiming they are shopping around, and have not made a decision yet.
The reality is that some clients double book, in case they are let down.
When they are open about this with an escort, it is not unusual for an escort to put them down as a timewasters.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Union for escorts
I do not see why escorts should not have the same rights as other workers, and recognised as legitimate.
Douglas fox of Christony companions, an escort agency in Newcastle is keen to set up a union for escorts.
I wonder whether the union will assist escorts who are sacked when they are outed.
Have a good week.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Vice Tactics in Hong Kong
I feel for the escorts in Hong Kong. It seems that the vice cops manage to get through their verification.
What chance do they have when vice cops use these tactics?
The vice cops become regulars and then make their arrests. Taxpayers in Hong Kong are concerned that this is being done at their expense.
Have a good weekend.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Does this rule apply to everyone or just prostitutes in Lake city
A man waits for three days to call the cops after the prostitute he saw died in a tub.
The incident is not being investigated as a homicide, and the police are not seeking charges.
Does this rule apply to everyone who waits three days before they report a death?
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
The Vatican line on prostitutes and their clients
The Vatican says respect and do not judge prostitutes, which the Holy See described as a modern day form of slavery.
A new document said the exploitation of women stemmed from activities including human trafficking and sex tourism and the problem should be tackled in a comprehensive way.
"The victims of prostitution are human beings, who in many cases cry out for help, to be freed from slavery," the document by the Vatican's department on migrant issues said.
"The customers too are people with deeply rooted problems, and in a certain sense are also slaves," it said.
"An effective measure towards cultural change with respect to prostitution could derive from associating criminal law with social condemnation."
Asked to explain the passage, Monsignor Agostino Marchetto, said: "We think that there should be not only protection of women but also a punishment for the clients".
Quotes from Punish prostitute clients by the Brisbane Times.
This does not surprise me coming from the Vatican. What does surprise me, is that they have taken so long to come up with this.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Grandmother is one of the oldest prostitutes
Irene is a pensioner prostitute in New Zealand. A mother of three, grandmother of eight and a great-grandmother of four.
She has been on the game for 25 years, and is 77 years old. Her life in the sex industry started at 50 years old, after a call from a phantom caller, who wanted to know how much she charged.
Her initial reaction was disgust. She realised she was going out with men and doing it for nothing, and decided to charge. For 25 years of being in the sex industry, Irene did not ask her clients to wear condoms.
She now plays it safe, and most of her clients are in their 50s.
James B Logwriter no longer wants to be a whoremonger, so has stopped blogging. He was one of my daily reads, and I wish him well with his new novia.
There has to be something in the air, that is three men down, Glengarry Leads,Petulant Pooner and now James.
Michelle from Raw Angels escort agency has left a comment on yesterday's post. It is great that she has come in to clarify the article in the press. The power of the internet.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Escort agency advertises for Dominatrixes at the Job Centre
Raw Angels escort agency advertised for dominatrixes at the Jobcentre in Gateshead and Byker.
The ad stated the escorts would be paid 200 pounds a shift, and training would be given. The owner said there had been a mix up, and the ad was withdrawn. Ten girls signed up, but some jobseekers were appalled that the ad was up alongside plumbers, factory workers and secretaries.
A spokesman for Jobcentre Plus said: Under the Employment and Training Act 1973 Jobcentre Plus is required to provide a service to both employers and job-seeking customers. We must therefore have strong legal reasons for refusing an employer access to our services
All vacancies, including sex industry vacancies, will be advertised by Jobcentre Plus as long as they are legal and providing in the case of the sex industry vacancies that they specify that applicants must be over 18.
It is entirely up to our customers whether they apply. If they do apply for a sex industry vacancy no sanctions will be applied if they then refuse to accept the job. If we do find out that an advertised vacancy is illegal we will withdraw it and take whatever other action seems appropriate.
Quotes from Escort ads at the Jobcentre by Laura Caroe of the Evening Chronicle.
I am interested in how the Jobcentre Plus staff would explain the Dominatrix role to jobseekers.
Times are changing.
Have a good week.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Inundated with emails
I can identify with Debbie Weil's article that the secret to happiness is to delete all.
I have three email accounts. My personal email, my day job email, and my escort email. My email boxes are all overflowing, and I cannot delete my mail fast enough. As soon as I have deleted a batch of mail, my inbox is full again. It has got to the point where emails are bouncing back, and people are wondering why I am not responding.
I have friends who send me lots of jokes with huge attachments, that take a lot of space. I am a member of a number of forums and associations for the day job, and have lots of information sent daily. Once upon a time, I was on top of it all, but it feels like I am stuck now.
Whenever I get to work, or check my personal email it says that I am over my quota. I am trying to get into the habit of dedicating an hour a week to clear my box, but that does not seem to be enough.
If anyone has any solutions to this problem, I would be grateful. Unfortunately, I cannot delete everything, some stuff has to be kept. The hoarder in me will never die.
Have a good weekend.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Escorts in Toronto turn on the Hookercam
Some escorts in Toronto are tightening their security measures, after two recent murders. Security is essential for every escort out there. They have had to resort to a system called Capture and Send.
Sex worker Shemale Dee was one of those who felt the need to act to protect herself and others. "I was a good friend of Cassandra's. We had known her for about 13 years and basically because of what has happened just recently, and having always been concerned with safety myself, I approached some software, security and systems people," she says. "I told them about the business we are in and how we do business and everything else, and wanted to do some brainstorming with them about the most ideal, easiest-to-use, easiest-to-implement system that would offer the biggest stick, the most amount of security."
What Dee and those computer people came up with is a system they call Capture and Send, which uses a camera that fits into the peephole on the door to an apartment to take a picture of clients before they come into the apartment and sends it to the owner's computer and to remote locations (friends' computers or a central image-vault service) as an encrypted file for storage. The files are stored off-site so that clients who may get out of line cannot just steal a computer to destroy the evidence; they're encrypted with a code so that only the sex worker and whomever she gives it to (a lawyer, a family member) can access the photographs. If nothing goes wrong, clients should have no serious concerns about the future of the image because it is, after all, just a picture of them standing in a hallway.
"So there's a lot of thought in the process. When I go to the door, let's say for example, buddy comes to the door and I want to let him in. I've sent the images to a dozen friends and on my door I have a little warning saying 'premises under surveillance.' So they know ahead of time what they're dealing with. And when I go to the door, I crack open the door -- I still have a steel bar that doesn't allow anyone to push their way past me -- so I'm still within my safe territory, and if they say 'Hey, I have a problem with the whole security issue,' then I say 'I'm sorry I can't do business with you.' And that's still from the safe side of the door. If I decide to let them in, and he decides to get a little testy and out of line, I'm able to tell him 'Hey, you've been warned at the door, and you can see that a security system is in effect and your picture has been sent to a dozen of my friends before you even came in here. So I suggest you leave' -- 99.9 per cent of the people in that situation would likely leave. I'm convinced that if Cassandra had had this system and she had said that to her attacker, he would have probably left."
Dee has been operating the system in her own home for a month, and says it's working well and that none of her clients has complained about it. She's marketing it to others in the business for $1,000.
Sardonicus, who used to work as a driver for escorts before setting up his website, is founding an organization called the Toronto Escort Alliance Marketing Service (TEAMS), which he says will provide several safety features for women in addition to helping them advertise their services, such as a business line that cannot be traced to the worker's home address and can be forwarded to their cell or home phone. One service he'll provide for no charge to any independent prostitute is something he calls "call safe": "They can call the hotline and provide the information of where they're going, how long they're going to be, when they plan to come out. We'll then call them out of that call -- which gives the impression they have someone watching out for them, and if we haven't heard from them by the appointed time we will follow up and exercise due diligence and bring in the authorities if need be. If we can't get a hold of that girl, we're calling the cops," he says.
Other safety measures that should be standard practice for prostitutes are being reinforced in the wake of the violence. Those working in incall agency apartments are advised never to work alone. (Lien Pham worked in such an apartment and under normal circumstances would have had a co-worker in the apartment with her. Her break with routine proved fatal.) Those working outcalls should always tell someone they trust the location and phone number of where they're going, who they're going to see and how long they expect to be there. All sex workers are advised to screen their clients, to be sure to get a working phone number and to verify that the number they've been given is listed to who the client says he is.
In addition, sex workers' organizations run by current and former prostitutes such as Maggie's and SWAT provide bad date lists and other safety information, and TERB provides an electronic bulletin board where workers can post messages and share information.
Quotes from Turn on the hookercam by Edward Keenan of Eye weekly.
None of Dee's clients have complained about this. If I were in her shoes, I would be wary of any clients who had a problem with it. I have CCTV at my incall location, and would not work without it.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Co-op brothel may open for Vancouver escorts in response to unsafe working conditions
Plans to open what may be Canada's first co-op brothel was sparked by a report that documented severe working conditions for Vancouver's licensed escorts.
The report, put together by a group of Vancouver escorts, shows many escorts feel endangered by unsafe working conditions. Some escorts reported being told by their employers that the use of condoms during sex was "up to the customer."
How their employers can put these demands on their escorts is outrageous.To make matters worse, they get fined or punished if they do not comply. Fortunately some of the escorts feel that they do not have to put up with this. The escort agencies that encourage this behaviour are licensed.
This article reinforces why being an independent escort is safest. I am concerned about the women that feel they need to engage in unsafe working conditions.I find it unsettling that this still goes on in this day and age.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Escorts who breach copyright,exchanging links, and weblog ethics
I get numerous requests from other bloggers to exchange links. I do not exchange links with everyone who contacts me, and felt that it was time that I did a post on who I am likely to link to.
Andy Wibbels thinks link exchanging is tacky and link farms are so 1997. Andy will not link to anyone who he has never met. I have the same policy on my professional site as I mentioned in people power and choosing friends.
I do not have the same policy on my blog.I link to bloggers who I find interesting, who I believe are authentic, and who make me think. I may not share their views, but they have to interest me in some way. I do not link to bloggers who I find boring, or overtly promotional.
Rebecca blood has a chapter in The Weblog Handbook on weblog etiquette where she discusses asking for a link.
What Rebecca says, rings true for me. She talks about receiving emails where the blogger asks for a link exchange, and wants confirmation that she has added them to her blogroll. She acknowledges that the experts will advise you to trade links to increase traffic to your site. However, she says our reputations are built largely on the quality of the links we provide to our readers, especially in the case of filters. Rebecca ignores these requests and so do I. She says that she finds bloggers who threaten not to link to her puzzling, as she did not ask. I feel the same way. She says in contrast to telling another blogger that you admire their work, it is iffy to suggest that they would enjoy yours. She says these sorts of emails put bloggers in an awkward position, and if your goal is to gain allies in the blogosphere, putting others in an uncomfortable position is a poor strategy. I do not assume that because I link to a blogger, that they will necessarily link back to me.
I recently had a request from a black London escort, that asked me for a link exchange. This black escort was exposed on a messageboard for copying pages of text from another black escort's professional site. I discovered last year that she had lifted my entire Faq page from my professional site, she did not copy chunks of text, but an entire page. I did not confront her at the time, but was aware of what she did. Escorts who do this sort of thing, do not realise that anything you write is publicly accessible and permanently archived. I have clients who only see black escorts, and they are up to date on who is new, and look at their sites. Some of them have emailed me, and informed me of escorts who have stolen text from my site. This is not unusual in the industry.
I am baffled that the escort who emailed me, has the audacity to contact me to exchange links. I think she has no understanding of copyright, or chooses to ignore it. She is mannerless, and clearly is not aware that this is not how to make friends in this industry. Her exposure on the messageboard is not something that I can forget.
Why would she feel that I would ever consider having anything to do with her?
I believe bloggers who copy text from blogs without revealing their sources, by crediting links,or referencing it are unethical. They attempt to pass the posts off as their own, and will be exposed. This is the world wide web, and someone somewhere, will pull you up on it.
Rebecca has a good article on Weblog ethics which is an essential read. I would also recommend her book to any bloggers out there.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Gratitude to escort friends out there
I had a conversation with an escort friend last week. At the end of the conversation, we both told each other how grateful we were, that we had each other.
I am aware that there a number of escorts out there, who do not meet other escorts at all. They feel that it is too risky, and I can appreciate that, from a damage limitation angle. However, I feel that it can be isolating, when you do not share this part of your life with family and friends.
This industry has a dark side some of which you can see on messageboards. I have read numerous threads were escorts who were close friends fall out on messageboards, and then start revealing personal information about each other, and bad mouth each other to mutual clients.
Some escorts have agendas, and cannot see things for what they are, or they may be angry as the English courtesan points out in this post.
It is important as an escort to pick your escort friends carefully, but there are no guarantees that you are safe.
I am grateful for the few escort friends I have made so far. It is great to share information, have a laugh, raise security issues, and just listen to what it is like .
The Petulant Pooner has stopped blogging. He feels that it is time to move on. He was one of my daily reads, and I wish him well.
Have a good week.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Former prostitutes in Turkey running for parliament
Two former prostitutes in Turkey will be running for parliament.
They may want to speak to Lindi St Clair also known as Miss Whiplash, who ran for the Corrective party.
You can read more about Lindi St Clair in her book It's Only a Game: The Autobiography of Miss Whiplash
Have a good weekend.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Thin Slicing is what most of us do as escorts and clients to avoid timewasters and keep safe
I have just started reading Blink by Malcom Gladwell It was lying on the bookshelf, and I thought I might give it a try, after Mandy's interview.
Malcolm Gladwell talks about the decisions that we make in split seconds, and the conclusions that we make. He explores when snap decisons are good, and when they are not.
As an escort, I take notice of my first impressions and have been proved wrong in some cases. The job involves a high level of risk, and I do not want to be left vulnerable. It is important to make quick decisions to verify my clients, and avoid timewasters.
My security is essential, as I do not want to end up sleeping with the enemy.
I listen to the way potential clients speak to me, and evaluate them when we meet, as I want to avoid obsessive clients.
I sometimes get it wrong, however in most cases those snap decisions are useful, and have served me well.
I imagine that clients thin slice, to avoid bait and switch escorts, and escorts who rob them.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Mandy on blogging
Mandy says What's a broke-but-fully-employed girl to do? Why, start selling her services, of course. Can it be done without losing husband, self-respect, etc? Only time will tell.
What is the first weblog you came across?
I came late to All-About-Me Revolution. I had a couple of friends with LiveJournals, and I first started reading Go Fug Yourself when my friend Power Girl told me it was hilarious. It is.
Why did you start blogging?
I had a Myspace, the usual this-is-what-I-think-about-the-world, here's-what-I-did-today, oh-wow-dryer-lint, no reason for anyone who did not know me personally to read it. I started exchanging views with a Myspace Friend (whom I still have not met) about sex and relationships, started whoring a bit around that time, and writing publicly was the natural place to go.
Right now, I am struggling with the relationship between writing and whoring – I am more prolific (and better) than I have ever creatively been before, and there is a worry that whoring is the necessary overall context in which to write. But there are emotional repercussions to sex work, and that is challenging.
Which blogs do you read?
I do not put anyone on my blogroll unless I read them regularly so those 27 are the ones I scan every other morning. My corner of the neighborhood is Tom Paine, La Fille Mariee and Gillette. For sheer style and consistency, the Fug Girls, Postsecret and Dan Savage are amazing, but I do not know if the latter two really count as "blogs".
What appeals to you about the blogs you read?
Funny and clever and something to say beyond who they shagged and when. I wrote (Mandy pronounces with great judgementalism )about reading through the Sugasm (a weekly list of posts from sex bloggers) and avoiding blogs that are only sex acts and their lead-up – I want power exchange or discovery or relationship, and a sexy story may be the way to tell that, but not another wank story with no context. I like it when an article makes me think enough to go write.
Whose writing do you particularly admire?
Edith Wharton – my husband was driving while I read House of Mirth in the car, and it startled him that I was weeping as I finished the book. She describes the actions, rather than the emotions of the characters, which involves the reader in experiencing the emotional life instead of being told about it. Malcom Gladwell is another favorite – Blink and The Tipping Point, the way he assembles thought about social activity. English mystery writers, especially Dorothy Sayers, the way a mystery must be constructed from the first page to inevitably lead to one conclusion. Terry Pratchett's social satire disguised as fantasy, brilliantly funny and devastatingly clever.
In your reading do you seek out different points of view?
Yes and no – I want to know what the enemy is up to, but I do not have the time and energy in my life to spend on agonizing about disagreeing. It has been hard for me to learn to accept that other people have diametrically opposed viewpoints, and it is not because they just do not understand. It is not my mission to correct them, or absorb their views. But I do like to get new angles and have my thoughts challenged on issues I am thinking about.
How do you choose items to link?
I have a blogroll that is only blogs I read often, that update often, and that have a quality of writing I can honestly recommend. I link to articles (on and off my roll) in the context of my posts if they inspired me or they have a different take.
What is your policy on comments?
So far un-moderated and delete the occasional spammer. I sometimes step in and request civility, but my readers are generally smart and well-mannered.
Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it?
I have not yet – there are those who advise, or disagree with a course of action, but no-one (knock wood) has been nasty or abusive. Things like that hurt me, though, so I am sure when it does happen I will delete, then go lie down. The illusion is that people know me by what I write, and I am extremely personal, but when it comes right down to it, they really do not know me personally, and how wounding can blind spite really be? God has already punished them; they have to be themselves.
Where do you find interesting links?
In the other blogs I read, by listening to public radio, and that my friends and readers send along.
Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?
My sweet post about rediscovering my relationship with Lover drew no comments, but the piece that agonized about saying no to a particular client drew many comments and a personal conversation with a reader with strong advice, as well as chat with Lover in real life. So trauma draws people online as well as off. That said, I can only write what really happens – sometimes it stirs something in people wrestling with a similar issue, compels them to respond. I am not deliberately "stirring things up" but I am dramatically constructing my narratives to evoke the strongest possible response.
How much traffic do you get?
Over eighty-three thousand unique hits since February 2007.
What is your rank on Technorati?
Around twenty-two thousand.
Has your writing changed since you started blogging?
Yes – more often, more of it, and the style is shaping itself. Non-fiction is definitely my favorite.
How many hours do you spend online a day?
Far too many! I try for about three but it is often five to seven. Research, email, and blogging start to add up. I am thankful to have friends to go to the gym with and an active "real life" job.
How much time do you spend on your site a day?
Not more than an hour – scan the blogs on the roll, post something, that is about it. Sometimes add some buttons or join a blogging resource. I write in a notebook that carries with me, transcribe and refine in Word and copy-paste.
How many blogs do you read?
I scan 30-50 and I care about 5.
How do you find new blogs?
Recommendations from others I read, links, and Googling on topics of interest.
How much reader email do you get?
Enough to make me feel special but not overwhelmed!
What do you think makes a successful blog?
Foremost, a unique style that suits, supports and enhances the material. It is how, not what is told. Frequent, well-written content relating to a subject of greater interest than just "this is my life," and an awareness of context. Like academic writing, you must demonstrate a grasp of the existing views and beliefs for your challenges or expansions to be taken seriously. As an example of a light-hearted blog that is nonetheless rigorous in background and research, The Fug Girls are not just writing catty opinions, they know what is going on in the socialite, entertainment and music worlds, they know what the fashions of the season are, they have an overall grasp of historical standards of taste and decency, and that's what makes them hilariously clever instead of just a couple of bitches badmouthing things they personally do not like.
What is your advice for a new blogger?
Write about things you really care about. But to make your personal crappy-crap relevant to the readers, take in information from your favorite sources and make notes about how to use it to round out your own ideas or as a starter for your own responses to a topic or idea. Connect your family life or your sex life or your creative life to ideas about the world, so that your personal experience becomes the illustration rather than the point.
Audit a creative writing class at your local college to experience reading and listening to other writers and thinking critically about what works. It is easier to pick out a problem and say, "Ohhh! That is why that does not work and here is how to fix it!" on early-career writers than with published, successful material. It is also good to get feedback on your own writing style and abilities. Sometimes the criticism is useful in unexpected ways – my pieces always got marked up by other students who thought I wrote run-on sentences. I do. On purpose. And hearing their feedback helped me realize that and use long phrasings better and more deliberately as a stylistic choice.
Write more than one draft – do not write directly to your blog or it will be sloppy and possibly a poor choice. Unless it is your style to use poor spelling and grammar (and very few people can pull that off), use good English and look up words you cannot spell. It distracts the reader from your point and diminishes the authority of your words every time there is an error of language. Use a Thesaurus to expand your vocabulary and give variety to your work, as long as they still sound like your words! Which is a larger point – the more you expand your own knowledge and understanding, the more range your writing will have while still being genuinely "you."
How has blogging changed your life?
Writing a really good post makes me feel good, and especially when I save up to write later in the day, it is something to look forward to. I have also met some very interesting people, on and off line. The biggest element is that I now am often writing my life in my head as I experience it, and that is sometimes great and sometimes a little terrifying.
What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?
Mine. Because I am a fucking brilliant writer on my good days and not a waste of time on the bad days.
(This is where I'm supposed to be all sweet and link to my friends – check them out at my blogroll).
Personal favorite posts on How About Now? are water-water-everywhere,
whore-sex-vs-not-whore-sex, and first-client.
What are your hobbies?
Reading, languages, and I adore cooking very traditional meat-and-two-veg meals. You should see me in my pearls and apron…
How has your blog changed over the years?
It has only been 6 months, but I got distinctly more literary around the middle of February, and have since tried to balance reportage and writing. My best posts are when a metaphor that I can really play with pops into the writing. It usually comes about a third of the way in and then I go back and revise with it in mind.
Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?
I do not even think about it – I like submitting to Sugasm and that has brought me a lot of readers as well as turning me on to blogs I would not have come across, but I am more about the regular readers than big traffic to a single post.
Do you have a background in writing?
Yes. I have a terminal degree in my field and I am published in a couple of other genres. Until I was in high school, I hated the physical act of writing, it hurt my hand, though I won prizes for stories and essays. Then I got into poetry and fiction and started enjoying it. I did not discover non-fiction until graduate school, and it was a huge realization – oh, that is what my travel notebooks are! I continue to write professionally in addition to my other pursuits.
When do you blog?
Ideas get jotted in my constant notebook, or on the backs of receipts if I am(rarely) out without one. I tend to formulate phrasings and the scope of a piece in my head while driving or doing work around the house, and then I compose the pieces in the morning, sitting in my library in my jammies with unbrushed teeth (very important) or in the evenings on my porch seat, ducking moths as it gets darker. My husband does not read the blog, so it is important to not shove it down his throat when I am writing.
With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?
The first time I was with a client and I detached myself from the situation to write it in my head as it was happening.
Would you read your site?
Damn straight. One of my reasons for starting was that it is the kind of thing I like to read, and Belle de Jour does not post a lot lately.
Thank you – what thought-provoking questions, especially about the writing process!
Labels: Belle de Jour, Bloggers on blogging, books, Dan Savage, Escorts, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Gofugyourself, How about now, Interviews, La fille Mariee, Malcolm Gladwell, Myspace, Perverselypoly, Postsecret, Sugasm
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Marry an escort temporarily in Iran by practicing Sigheh
I had heard about this a few years ago, from an Arab escort friend. I thought it was hilarious. Shia Muslim men who used escorts, felt that it was acceptable if they married the escort, for the length of the booking, or longer.
Sigeh is not actually an Islamic practice, but a pre-Islamic one used in Arab tribes. In its pre-Islamic form women still resided with her family, her kin still retained rights, a woman could also dismiss a man, and any children begotten belonged to the wife's lineage. In Islam, sigeh changed, so that the child now belonged to the father. The practice of sigeh was primarily used as an urban function associated with long distance trade.
Sigeh is officially a contract between a man and a woman were the amount of time and bride price must be specified in advance. Registration of the marriage is optional, and no witnesses are required. Sigeh literally means "a man agrees to give a women something for a specified period of time in return for sexual favors with the understanding there would be no marriage in the beginning and no divorce in the end."
The length of the marriage varies, ranging from a few hours to a few years. It differs from permanent marriage in that the wife's family cannot intervene. A man is not limited to the number of temporary marriages he can have, as he is limited to four permanent wives. After the termination of a sigeh, a woman has a period of idda afterwards. Idda is a waiting period of two menstrual cycles to determine if there was any pregnancies during the marriage, regardless of how short the union was. If a woman has already reached menopause, however, idda is not necessary.
Many people have compared sigeh to prostitution, but it is different in the eyes of Muslims for two reasons. First, any children that come of a sigeh marriage are considered legitimate. Second, sigeh is thought to combat immorality. Sigeh is a spiritual and religious state, where as prostitution is disorder.
Sigeh is also beneficial to women in several ways. For one thing it is less restrictive, women do not have to be as obedient during a sigeh marriage as opposed to a permanent one. Sigeh marriage is a way in which women can be with many men legally in the same way that man can take other wives. She is able to be with different people under the blessings of Islam. Also, the man has to stipulate the specific time of day that he will be visiting his wife. Shahla Haeri interviewed many women who participated in sigeh, and found that many of them used it to their own advantage. They would use it for economic security, or a way to satiate their sexual desires. Women have also often used sigeh as a way to either resist permanent marriage, or to resist being fully possessed by a man. One woman in particular, Mahvash, was very verbose on the subject. She participated in sigeh for two of the reasons stated above, economic and sexual. She said on the sexual aspects of sigeh, "I want to get married [her euphemism for sex] all the time, every night." Mahvash often expressed resentment at having to wait out the idda period, for it deprived her of a time to make money. She was fulfilling her own agenda through the use of sigeh and was often the one approaching men with the proposition.
Quotes from Women in pre-revolutionary, revolutionary and post-revolutionary Iran
By Monique Girgis.
An Iranian minister has backed brief marriages to stem illicit sex.
There seems to be no restriction on the number of temporary marriages that you can have. Your permanent marriage, can run alongside your temporary marriages. The article states that prostitution is a disorder, but sigheh is a religous state. I find it difficult to differentiate between the two.
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Monday, June 04, 2007
Food for thought for escorts and their clients
Do you tell a client when he is doing something that does not turn you on, or you do not like?
Mandy has an interesting post on the bits and pieces of tackling this issue. The other option is to stay in acting mode, as Teela Sanders found in her research with some escorts.
The issues that Mandy raises are not clear cut, and we all have our different ways of dealing with them. I think some escorts will pull clients up all the time, some will grin and bear it, and some will try and find a balance.
What I am aware of, is that some clients see escorts, because they do not want to think about their pleasure.They want the time to be focused around their needs, and that is what they pay for.They are running away from girlfriends or wives, that they have to cater to. Then, there is another set of clients, who want to know that an escort is getting something out of it.
Yes, I have fun with some of my clients, but if I do not, it is not a big deal.However, if a client does something that makes me feel bad,like smashing into my cervix, or trying to pull my hair out, I will say something. As Mandy points out, we are not there for our pleasure. If I walk away having had a good time, then I see it as a bonus.
Can we make hard and fast rules?
Have a good week.