Saturday, February 27, 2010
Belle de Jour on sex education
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Questions for Belle de Jour
Q.You went to extraordinary lengths to stay anonymous; I understand that even your agent didn’t know your true identity. How did you manage that feat?
A.It turns out he did: I forgot that I had shown him an ID when we first met. He reminded me after the Times piece came out. I really believed Patrick didn’t know and therefore would have been incapable of outing me. In the end it turns out he was simply very trustworthy rather than actually kept in the dark. But for the most part, my accountant handled all the details. He set up the shell corporation which received payment for my writing, which then passed on the money to me as dividend payouts.
Q.On your blog recently, you considered whether men or women have it easier in life, and concluded that “if men had it easy, there wouldn’t be prostitutes.” Care to elaborate?
A.While there are many reasons why men go to prostitutes, I noticed a few trends that had to do with women. The inability to ask a partner for kinky sex, for instance, came up more than once. There were a couple of virgins as well, though that is less common now than it once was. And to some extent, my clients were men who were addicted to success. They knew I, as a call girl, would respond positively to their advances, whereas outside of the transaction a woman like me might not. After all, women are widely perceived as the gatekeepers to sex, so in theory they can have it as often as they like, and men do not get a say in that. It’s not universally true of course, but that is a dominant dynamic.
Q.What’s struck you about the controversy in the press that followed your revealing your identity?
A.There seems to be a lot of chatter in the U.K. papers surrounding me, about how my experience was a matter of class — though of course that isn’t strictly true. It can affect the level of agency one has. I suppose it does take a certain amount of awareness of value for someone, even in dire financial straits, to be able to say “I will have sex for £200, not £30.” That confidence can sometimes be more associated with social class, but I think it’s more to do either with education or self-esteem, which are not necessarily related. In any case, the capability either to believe you deserve to be valued more, or to imagine that, is required wherever it comes to payment. In a way I see it as being similar to the question of who believes they are candidates for university education and who does not, regardless of origin or native intelligence.
Q.How do you respond to critics who say your work sanitizes and normalizes prostitution, luring women into a career that is, in their view, inherently ruinous?
A.It’s a pity they think I’m the only one. If I had not written about the experience, I probably could have got away with never telling anyone, which would have been an attractive option — in fact, the one most women in the same situation make. I particularly like the word “luring.” It comes up a lot; must be the evocative, almost onomatopoetic cadence — it sounds so corrupt and oily. And it makes no sense that I would be luring people into this. Where is the advantage for me for even more people to be working as escorts? Shouldn’t I want all the quality clients to myself? They try to have it both ways: that I am an arch materialist only out for as much as I can get, and at the same time, that I am on a recruitment drive. It makes no sense really.
I have always tried to say on the blog and in interviews that prostitution is not a suitable career choice if you have doubts about your ability to handle it. Many women wrote to me asking advice and I tried to discourage most of them. You usually can tell even from an email who had their mind made up and who hasn’t.
Q.What’s a good predictor of being able to “handle it”?
A.Someone who asks about the specifics of the work, rather than how it feels or how I decided to do it. Someone whose requests show they’ve done research already, i.e. “I like Agency x and Agency y, which do you think would look after their girls better?” as opposed to “do you think I can do this without telling my boyfriend?”
Q.SuperFreakonomics profiles a woman, who goes by the name of Allie, a former computer programmer who turned to sex work and is now going back to school to study economics. Does the book’s description of her ring true to you?
A.Yes, very much so. At the time I was writing I was in contact with courtesans who were also blogging, such as Jet Set Lara. The difference between my earnings and theirs was great, but I was probably having more actual sex while they earned far more. It’s also covered in the TV series of my book, in fact –- Billie Piper’s Belle starts earning a lot more when she stops the by-the-hour work and goes independent, setting her rates higher and having fewer clients.
Q.What of the question in SuperFreakonomics, then — why don’t more women take to prostitution?
A.Sex with strangers squicks them out? I’ve noticed a tendency in some of my female friends to rationalize sex decisions they make — a hookup or one-night stand. If they had to do that several times a week, it would be tiring, if not emotionally devastating. Being able to divide sex-for-love and all-other-sex is not something especially usual.
Q.Is it especially strange seeing yourself portrayed on television, considering Piper’s Belle is a kind of double of a double of you?
A.Very. At first it was uncomfortable because the show is an adaptation of the book, so it diverges from me pretty widely — someone even started a Facebook group called “Belle de Jour knows what a palindrome is!” because the character didn’t. But because I was anonymous, I came to view it as an advantage: if people imagined Billie Piper was me, they would start looking for girls like that, rather than girls like me. It was an added measure of obfuscation I came to appreciate.
Q.You quit the escort business in 2004. What kind of work are you doing now?
A.I’m working on an E.U. project that is meant to be translating research into public policy. Specifically, we look at the evidence for pesticide exposures causing neurodevelopmental disorders. There are pesticides which are banned from indoor use in the U.S. for this reason, but they’re still legal in E.U. So my job entails collating that evidence into coherent documents that policymakers would find approachable.
Q.Has anything you learned as a call girl proven useful in your life as a scientist?
A.It taught me a lot about being able to talk to a variety of people with different backgrounds and relating to their points of view. Also the value of listening to them instead of rabbiting on about Fact This and Evidence That quite so much. Also, the power of being a decent-looking blond woman in the world. People may not take you seriously at first but they don’t resent your approach. Once the door is cracked open, it’s up to you to show your value as an intelligent person. Leveraging my sexuality to promote my work? You bet.
Q.Do you expect your outing as Belle de Jour will affect your scientific work?
A.I imagine people will know who I am now, and I’ll have to answer the same three questions over and over. But if I then get to shoehorn in something about the work I do, that’s a price I can put up with.
Q.You’ve written a couple of bestselling books. Which writers do you look up to?
A.I’d love to be a Simon Singh someday, but in terms of my current writing abilities that’s a long way off. It’s a goal though.
Q.So you have a popular science book in the pipeline?
A.Well, I can rabbit on endlessly about chemoinformatics and the problems thereof. Whether anyone would enjoy reading that, outside the small group of people who do it, is another question. But starting with the proposition that if we were to make one of every possible drug-sized molecule that could exist, they would more than fill the entire universe. I think that’s a compelling image and a good place to start when talking about the challenges of drug discovery.
Quotes from A Few Questions for Belle de Jour, Call Girl and Scientist
By RYAN HAGEN
A.It turns out he did: I forgot that I had shown him an ID when we first met. He reminded me after the Times piece came out. I really believed Patrick didn’t know and therefore would have been incapable of outing me. In the end it turns out he was simply very trustworthy rather than actually kept in the dark. But for the most part, my accountant handled all the details. He set up the shell corporation which received payment for my writing, which then passed on the money to me as dividend payouts.
Q.On your blog recently, you considered whether men or women have it easier in life, and concluded that “if men had it easy, there wouldn’t be prostitutes.” Care to elaborate?
A.While there are many reasons why men go to prostitutes, I noticed a few trends that had to do with women. The inability to ask a partner for kinky sex, for instance, came up more than once. There were a couple of virgins as well, though that is less common now than it once was. And to some extent, my clients were men who were addicted to success. They knew I, as a call girl, would respond positively to their advances, whereas outside of the transaction a woman like me might not. After all, women are widely perceived as the gatekeepers to sex, so in theory they can have it as often as they like, and men do not get a say in that. It’s not universally true of course, but that is a dominant dynamic.
Q.What’s struck you about the controversy in the press that followed your revealing your identity?
A.There seems to be a lot of chatter in the U.K. papers surrounding me, about how my experience was a matter of class — though of course that isn’t strictly true. It can affect the level of agency one has. I suppose it does take a certain amount of awareness of value for someone, even in dire financial straits, to be able to say “I will have sex for £200, not £30.” That confidence can sometimes be more associated with social class, but I think it’s more to do either with education or self-esteem, which are not necessarily related. In any case, the capability either to believe you deserve to be valued more, or to imagine that, is required wherever it comes to payment. In a way I see it as being similar to the question of who believes they are candidates for university education and who does not, regardless of origin or native intelligence.
Q.How do you respond to critics who say your work sanitizes and normalizes prostitution, luring women into a career that is, in their view, inherently ruinous?
A.It’s a pity they think I’m the only one. If I had not written about the experience, I probably could have got away with never telling anyone, which would have been an attractive option — in fact, the one most women in the same situation make. I particularly like the word “luring.” It comes up a lot; must be the evocative, almost onomatopoetic cadence — it sounds so corrupt and oily. And it makes no sense that I would be luring people into this. Where is the advantage for me for even more people to be working as escorts? Shouldn’t I want all the quality clients to myself? They try to have it both ways: that I am an arch materialist only out for as much as I can get, and at the same time, that I am on a recruitment drive. It makes no sense really.
I have always tried to say on the blog and in interviews that prostitution is not a suitable career choice if you have doubts about your ability to handle it. Many women wrote to me asking advice and I tried to discourage most of them. You usually can tell even from an email who had their mind made up and who hasn’t.
Q.What’s a good predictor of being able to “handle it”?
A.Someone who asks about the specifics of the work, rather than how it feels or how I decided to do it. Someone whose requests show they’ve done research already, i.e. “I like Agency x and Agency y, which do you think would look after their girls better?” as opposed to “do you think I can do this without telling my boyfriend?”
Q.SuperFreakonomics profiles a woman, who goes by the name of Allie, a former computer programmer who turned to sex work and is now going back to school to study economics. Does the book’s description of her ring true to you?
A.Yes, very much so. At the time I was writing I was in contact with courtesans who were also blogging, such as Jet Set Lara. The difference between my earnings and theirs was great, but I was probably having more actual sex while they earned far more. It’s also covered in the TV series of my book, in fact –- Billie Piper’s Belle starts earning a lot more when she stops the by-the-hour work and goes independent, setting her rates higher and having fewer clients.
Q.What of the question in SuperFreakonomics, then — why don’t more women take to prostitution?
A.Sex with strangers squicks them out? I’ve noticed a tendency in some of my female friends to rationalize sex decisions they make — a hookup or one-night stand. If they had to do that several times a week, it would be tiring, if not emotionally devastating. Being able to divide sex-for-love and all-other-sex is not something especially usual.
Q.Is it especially strange seeing yourself portrayed on television, considering Piper’s Belle is a kind of double of a double of you?
A.Very. At first it was uncomfortable because the show is an adaptation of the book, so it diverges from me pretty widely — someone even started a Facebook group called “Belle de Jour knows what a palindrome is!” because the character didn’t. But because I was anonymous, I came to view it as an advantage: if people imagined Billie Piper was me, they would start looking for girls like that, rather than girls like me. It was an added measure of obfuscation I came to appreciate.
Q.You quit the escort business in 2004. What kind of work are you doing now?
A.I’m working on an E.U. project that is meant to be translating research into public policy. Specifically, we look at the evidence for pesticide exposures causing neurodevelopmental disorders. There are pesticides which are banned from indoor use in the U.S. for this reason, but they’re still legal in E.U. So my job entails collating that evidence into coherent documents that policymakers would find approachable.
Q.Has anything you learned as a call girl proven useful in your life as a scientist?
A.It taught me a lot about being able to talk to a variety of people with different backgrounds and relating to their points of view. Also the value of listening to them instead of rabbiting on about Fact This and Evidence That quite so much. Also, the power of being a decent-looking blond woman in the world. People may not take you seriously at first but they don’t resent your approach. Once the door is cracked open, it’s up to you to show your value as an intelligent person. Leveraging my sexuality to promote my work? You bet.
Q.Do you expect your outing as Belle de Jour will affect your scientific work?
A.I imagine people will know who I am now, and I’ll have to answer the same three questions over and over. But if I then get to shoehorn in something about the work I do, that’s a price I can put up with.
Q.You’ve written a couple of bestselling books. Which writers do you look up to?
A.I’d love to be a Simon Singh someday, but in terms of my current writing abilities that’s a long way off. It’s a goal though.
Q.So you have a popular science book in the pipeline?
A.Well, I can rabbit on endlessly about chemoinformatics and the problems thereof. Whether anyone would enjoy reading that, outside the small group of people who do it, is another question. But starting with the proposition that if we were to make one of every possible drug-sized molecule that could exist, they would more than fill the entire universe. I think that’s a compelling image and a good place to start when talking about the challenges of drug discovery.
Quotes from A Few Questions for Belle de Jour, Call Girl and Scientist
By RYAN HAGEN
Labels: Belle de Jour, Call girls, Escorts, new york times, News
Monday, November 16, 2009
Belle de Jour outs herself
She had kept her identity secret for six years, defying millions of readers – and a host of literary experts – who had speculated about the author responsible for one of the internet's most widely read blogs.
But today the mystery was solved when a scientist from Bristol outed herself as Belle de Jour, the former escort behind the anonymous Diary of a London Call Girl.
Dr Brooke Magnanti kept quiet as a string of other writers were credited with her work, but after hearing she was about to be the subject of a Daily Mail exposé, the 34-year-old specialist in childhood cancer decided to reveal she was the real Belle, having worked as a prostitute to fund her PhD studies
Quotes from Belle de Jour revealed at last
This can put to rest all the rumours that Belle de Jour was a man, that Belle de Jour did not work in the industry at all.
I wonder whether she would have come out if the Mail were not going to expose her.
I had never imagined that she was a scientist. Interesting that the article states that loads of women who work in the industry are academics.
Update Related articles:Enough hand wringing on prostitution
But today the mystery was solved when a scientist from Bristol outed herself as Belle de Jour, the former escort behind the anonymous Diary of a London Call Girl.
Dr Brooke Magnanti kept quiet as a string of other writers were credited with her work, but after hearing she was about to be the subject of a Daily Mail exposé, the 34-year-old specialist in childhood cancer decided to reveal she was the real Belle, having worked as a prostitute to fund her PhD studies
Quotes from Belle de Jour revealed at last
This can put to rest all the rumours that Belle de Jour was a man, that Belle de Jour did not work in the industry at all.
I wonder whether she would have come out if the Mail were not going to expose her.
I had never imagined that she was a scientist. Interesting that the article states that loads of women who work in the industry are academics.
Update Related articles:Enough hand wringing on prostitution
Labels: Belle de Jour, Escorts, Guardian.co.uk, News
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Escort,clients and psychotherapist comparisons
I found this post by Miss Melancholy, a psychotherapist while I was browsing.
She points out five things that she has in common
with Belle de Jour.
I would like to add to Ms Melancholy's points, I believe that:
Most escorts and psychotherapists have fixed fees that are non negotiable.
Escorts and psychotherapists are both vulnerable to attack. Clearly, the danger is greater for escorts, but psychotherapists, could have clients who are psychotic.
Escorts and psychotherapists are mainly alone in the room with their clients.
Escorts and psychotherapists focus on some of the unspoken things with their clients.
Appointments with escorts and psychotherapists are for a fixed time.
It is important for both escorts and psychotherapists to be clear about what they can and cannot provide.
Most escorts and psychotherapists screen their clients.
Psychotherapists are seen as healers, and comforters, and this could apply to some escorts.Tarts with hearts.
It is usually not okay for most escorts to meet their clients for coffee or lunch without payment. Some escorts are okay with this, but this is mainly with their regulars, and has been agreed. It is not acceptable for psychotherapists to meet their clients for coffee, or lunch.
It is important for both escorts and psychotherapists to not get over involved with their clients, to avoid burn out, which Teela sanders talks about in her paper.
Who would have thought there would be similarities?
I can see some psychotherapists up in arms about this, huffing and puffing with the comparisons.
Labels: Belle de Jour, Black escort, Confessions of a Psychotherapist, London, Teela Sanders, Thoughts
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Mandy on blogging
Mandy says What's a broke-but-fully-employed girl to do? Why, start selling her services, of course. Can it be done without losing husband, self-respect, etc? Only time will tell.
What is the first weblog you came across?
I came late to All-About-Me Revolution. I had a couple of friends with LiveJournals, and I first started reading Go Fug Yourself when my friend Power Girl told me it was hilarious. It is.
Why did you start blogging?
I had a Myspace, the usual this-is-what-I-think-about-the-world, here's-what-I-did-today, oh-wow-dryer-lint, no reason for anyone who did not know me personally to read it. I started exchanging views with a Myspace Friend (whom I still have not met) about sex and relationships, started whoring a bit around that time, and writing publicly was the natural place to go.
Right now, I am struggling with the relationship between writing and whoring – I am more prolific (and better) than I have ever creatively been before, and there is a worry that whoring is the necessary overall context in which to write. But there are emotional repercussions to sex work, and that is challenging.
Which blogs do you read?
I do not put anyone on my blogroll unless I read them regularly so those 27 are the ones I scan every other morning. My corner of the neighborhood is Tom Paine, La Fille Mariee and Gillette. For sheer style and consistency, the Fug Girls, Postsecret and Dan Savage are amazing, but I do not know if the latter two really count as "blogs".
What appeals to you about the blogs you read?
Funny and clever and something to say beyond who they shagged and when. I wrote (Mandy pronounces with great judgementalism )about reading through the Sugasm (a weekly list of posts from sex bloggers) and avoiding blogs that are only sex acts and their lead-up – I want power exchange or discovery or relationship, and a sexy story may be the way to tell that, but not another wank story with no context. I like it when an article makes me think enough to go write.
Whose writing do you particularly admire?
Edith Wharton – my husband was driving while I read House of Mirth
in the car, and it startled him that I was weeping as I finished the book. She describes the actions, rather than the emotions of the characters, which involves the reader in experiencing the emotional life instead of being told about it. Malcom Gladwell is another favorite – Blink and The Tipping Point, the way he assembles thought about social activity. English mystery writers, especially Dorothy Sayers, the way a mystery must be constructed from the first page to inevitably lead to one conclusion. Terry Pratchett's social satire disguised as fantasy, brilliantly funny and devastatingly clever. In your reading do you seek out different points of view?
Yes and no – I want to know what the enemy is up to, but I do not have the time and energy in my life to spend on agonizing about disagreeing. It has been hard for me to learn to accept that other people have diametrically opposed viewpoints, and it is not because they just do not understand. It is not my mission to correct them, or absorb their views. But I do like to get new angles and have my thoughts challenged on issues I am thinking about.
How do you choose items to link?
I have a blogroll that is only blogs I read often, that update often, and that have a quality of writing I can honestly recommend. I link to articles (on and off my roll) in the context of my posts if they inspired me or they have a different take.
What is your policy on comments?
So far un-moderated and delete the occasional spammer. I sometimes step in and request civility, but my readers are generally smart and well-mannered.
Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it?
I have not yet – there are those who advise, or disagree with a course of action, but no-one (knock wood) has been nasty or abusive. Things like that hurt me, though, so I am sure when it does happen I will delete, then go lie down. The illusion is that people know me by what I write, and I am extremely personal, but when it comes right down to it, they really do not know me personally, and how wounding can blind spite really be? God has already punished them; they have to be themselves.
Where do you find interesting links?
In the other blogs I read, by listening to public radio, and that my friends and readers send along.
Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?
My sweet post about rediscovering my relationship with Lover drew no comments, but the piece that agonized about saying no to a particular client drew many comments and a personal conversation with a reader with strong advice, as well as chat with Lover in real life. So trauma draws people online as well as off. That said, I can only write what really happens – sometimes it stirs something in people wrestling with a similar issue, compels them to respond. I am not deliberately "stirring things up" but I am dramatically constructing my narratives to evoke the strongest possible response.
How much traffic do you get?
Over eighty-three thousand unique hits since February 2007.
What is your rank on Technorati?
Around twenty-two thousand.
Has your writing changed since you started blogging?
Yes – more often, more of it, and the style is shaping itself. Non-fiction is definitely my favorite.
How many hours do you spend online a day?
Far too many! I try for about three but it is often five to seven. Research, email, and blogging start to add up. I am thankful to have friends to go to the gym with and an active "real life" job.
How much time do you spend on your site a day?
Not more than an hour – scan the blogs on the roll, post something, that is about it. Sometimes add some buttons or join a blogging resource. I write in a notebook that carries with me, transcribe and refine in Word and copy-paste.
How many blogs do you read?
I scan 30-50 and I care about 5.
How do you find new blogs?
Recommendations from others I read, links, and Googling on topics of interest.
How much reader email do you get?
Enough to make me feel special but not overwhelmed!
What do you think makes a successful blog?
Foremost, a unique style that suits, supports and enhances the material. It is how, not what is told. Frequent, well-written content relating to a subject of greater interest than just "this is my life," and an awareness of context. Like academic writing, you must demonstrate a grasp of the existing views and beliefs for your challenges or expansions to be taken seriously. As an example of a light-hearted blog that is nonetheless rigorous in background and research, The Fug Girls are not just writing catty opinions, they know what is going on in the socialite, entertainment and music worlds, they know what the fashions of the season are, they have an overall grasp of historical standards of taste and decency, and that's what makes them hilariously clever instead of just a couple of bitches badmouthing things they personally do not like.
What is your advice for a new blogger?
Write about things you really care about. But to make your personal crappy-crap relevant to the readers, take in information from your favorite sources and make notes about how to use it to round out your own ideas or as a starter for your own responses to a topic or idea. Connect your family life or your sex life or your creative life to ideas about the world, so that your personal experience becomes the illustration rather than the point.
Audit a creative writing class at your local college to experience reading and listening to other writers and thinking critically about what works. It is easier to pick out a problem and say, "Ohhh! That is why that does not work and here is how to fix it!" on early-career writers than with published, successful material. It is also good to get feedback on your own writing style and abilities. Sometimes the criticism is useful in unexpected ways – my pieces always got marked up by other students who thought I wrote run-on sentences. I do. On purpose. And hearing their feedback helped me realize that and use long phrasings better and more deliberately as a stylistic choice.
Write more than one draft – do not write directly to your blog or it will be sloppy and possibly a poor choice. Unless it is your style to use poor spelling and grammar (and very few people can pull that off), use good English and look up words you cannot spell. It distracts the reader from your point and diminishes the authority of your words every time there is an error of language. Use a Thesaurus to expand your vocabulary and give variety to your work, as long as they still sound like your words! Which is a larger point – the more you expand your own knowledge and understanding, the more range your writing will have while still being genuinely "you."
How has blogging changed your life?
Writing a really good post makes me feel good, and especially when I save up to write later in the day, it is something to look forward to. I have also met some very interesting people, on and off line. The biggest element is that I now am often writing my life in my head as I experience it, and that is sometimes great and sometimes a little terrifying.
What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?
Mine. Because I am a fucking brilliant writer on my good days and not a waste of time on the bad days.
(This is where I'm supposed to be all sweet and link to my friends – check them out at my blogroll).
Personal favorite posts on How About Now? are water-water-everywhere,
whore-sex-vs-not-whore-sex, and first-client.
What are your hobbies?
Reading, languages, and I adore cooking very traditional meat-and-two-veg meals. You should see me in my pearls and apron…
How has your blog changed over the years?
It has only been 6 months, but I got distinctly more literary around the middle of February, and have since tried to balance reportage and writing. My best posts are when a metaphor that I can really play with pops into the writing. It usually comes about a third of the way in and then I go back and revise with it in mind.
Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?
I do not even think about it – I like submitting to Sugasm and that has brought me a lot of readers as well as turning me on to blogs I would not have come across, but I am more about the regular readers than big traffic to a single post.
Do you have a background in writing?
Yes. I have a terminal degree in my field and I am published in a couple of other genres. Until I was in high school, I hated the physical act of writing, it hurt my hand, though I won prizes for stories and essays. Then I got into poetry and fiction and started enjoying it. I did not discover non-fiction until graduate school, and it was a huge realization – oh, that is what my travel notebooks are! I continue to write professionally in addition to my other pursuits.
When do you blog?
Ideas get jotted in my constant notebook, or on the backs of receipts if I am(rarely) out without one. I tend to formulate phrasings and the scope of a piece in my head while driving or doing work around the house, and then I compose the pieces in the morning, sitting in my library in my jammies with unbrushed teeth (very important) or in the evenings on my porch seat, ducking moths as it gets darker. My husband does not read the blog, so it is important to not shove it down his throat when I am writing.
With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?
The first time I was with a client and I detached myself from the situation to write it in my head as it was happening.
Would you read your site?
Damn straight. One of my reasons for starting was that it is the kind of thing I like to read, and Belle de Jour does not post a lot lately.
Thank you – what thought-provoking questions, especially about the writing process!
Mandy
Labels: Belle de Jour, Bloggers on blogging, books, Dan Savage, Escorts, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Gofugyourself, How about now, Interviews, La fille Mariee, Malcolm Gladwell, Myspace, Perverselypoly, Postsecret, Sugasm
Monday, May 07, 2007
The English Courtesan on Blogging
Join the English Courtesan Olivia on her journey from novice Yorkshire temptress, social escort & former mistress to professional courtesan & international travel companion...
What is the first weblog you came across?
Don’t I get to start with an Oscar acceptance preamble about what an
honour it is to be interviewed by Dark and Lovely Nia and how I’d like to
thank Nia and my laptop? If I go into detail about the ‘how’ of thanking Nia the
editor might censor me but I’ll risk a saucy wink at her across cyberspace,
and concentrate on thanking the laptop with one of these instead.
My first blog find was Belle de Jour but like Beau my efforts to seduce her have gone unrewarded to date. So I might just have to settle for a little commiseration with Beau. Ahem. As it were. :-)
Why did you start blogging?
Becoming an escort seemed like such a big life change that I wanted to
chronicle the journey in some way I suppose. As for why I became an
escort, that’s a long story but you can read it here.
Which blogs do you read?
Due to time constraints, I tend to catch up on reading every few weeks
and I always start with my favourites which are Nia (you look so
lovely when you blush!), Gillette (ditto!) and Beau. Whilst I enjoy reading about people’s sexploits, I like thoughtful blogs and non-sex blogs too. I try to read all the blogs on my links list though, so that’s a mixture of escort, client and unrelated non-sex blogs.
What appeals to you about the blogs you read?
I think there are two things that all of these blogs have, and that’s thoughtfulness and honesty. By thoughtfulness, I suppose I mean not just the act of thinking, but the fact that they are open-minded, non-judgemental and able to consider issues other than their own personal ones. Even if I don’t always agree with their opinions, I like the fact that these writers say what they think.
Whose writing do you particularly admire?
In the blogosphere, I admire all of those mentioned above. In books, my
desert island authors would include Evelyn Waugh, Ted Hughes,
Silas Hocking and T. S. Eliot. In journalism, I like Michael Winner and A. A. Gill (who do restaurants in the Sunday Times), Prufrock (random bits of salacious business gossip, also in the Sunday Times) and the ‘Houses with a…’ column in the Saturday Guardian (which does des res properties with things like turrets, libraries, moorings and other useful appendages). Then there’s a graffiti writer who paints words like ‘bum’ on bridges over the M1 motorway which I find peculiarly amusing. My enduring respect also goes to the ad agency that came up with the strapline ‘if it’s not Birds, you’re a custard short of a pudding!’.
In your reading do you seek out different points of view?
Not consciously – I like reading what I like reading, and whether they
share my point of view is less important to me than things like writing
style, honesty, depth and humour. I do like different perspectives though,
like Tom Paine on polyamory and Winheld’s World on life with Duchenne’s muscular Dystrophy, as they make me think.
How do you choose items to link?
I’m partial to girls with big boobies and boys with middle-aged spread. I’m not sure I answered the right question there though.
What is your policy on comments?
I love ‘em! Except if they’re spam in which case I dob them in to their ISP or their Mum.
Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it ?
I don’t tend to get abusive comments but I do get abusive emails. I usually handle them by hitting the delete button but I’ve kept a few choice ones for their hilarity value. I reserve the right to publish them on my blog one day… :-)
Where do you find interesting links?
Down the back of the sofa with my beribboned undergarments.
Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?
‘Moi?’. Smiles innocently… I don’t set out to provoke a reaction but I seem to elicit some strong responses nonetheless.
How much traffic do you get?
Ooooh, I love it when you talk techie to me Nia! That’s a trade secret but as it’s you…shhhh...come closer Lovely Nia so that I can whisper in your boobies, sorry, ears…I get 300 to 500 unique visitors a day.
What is your rank on technorati?
270,289 and my Google page rank is 4! I know you didn’t ask for page rank but I’m rather proud of that so I thought I’d slip it in while you weren’t looking. :-)
Has your writing changed since you started blogging?
I think I’ve got more confident in terms of writing about what I want, rather than what I think people want to read. When I started out, I was really trying to answer the questions of an imaginary audience, but now I write for me as much as for anyone else. I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing, but it makes the act of writing it much more enjoyable.
How many hours do you spend online a day?
I’m usually online all day, to such an extent that my wireless router blows itself up on a regular basis. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that a wi-fi hotspot is a pre-requisite for a holiday destination too, though I’m hoping I’ll grow out of that.
How much time do you spend on your site a day?
It probably averages out at around two hours a week.
How many blogs do you read?
I tend to read all those on my links list, so that’s about 20. Apart from my favourites above, I don’t have time to read them daily, or even weekly, but I try to catch up every few weeks.
How do you find new blogs?
They often find me by commenting on my posts, but I follow links on blogs I like too.
How much reader email do you get?
I usually get between twenty and fifty emails a week. I’m slow to reply because of the sheer volume but I do try to reply in time.
What do you think makes a successful blog?
More pictures of your fabulous boobies would definitely help with the
search engines. :-)
What is your advice for a new blogger?
It sounds trite but I think my biggest piece of advice would be ‘be yourself’. My blog is a way to talk to clients and potential clients, but it’s the real me too and I think that keeping it real is important. I think the rest, in terms of readers and comments and traffic, follows on from that.I think my other advice would be not to trust everyone, in that there are a lot of fakes in the blogosphere, and also not to over-react to seemingly negative comments…see below…
How has blogging changed your life?
Goodness – that’s a biggie, Nia! It has definitely changed my life, but I find it hard to separate the blogging from my new life as an escort, courtesan or whatever you like to call me. The people I’ve met and the friends I’ve made through the blog are the biggest and most positive change to my life. I think a related issue is that the blog means that the loneliness of living a secret life no longer weighs so heavily on me. I can’t tell my ‘normal’ friends about what I do and nor can I ask their advice on things like rates or marketing, but I can tell the blog readers and ask their views.
What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?
Three spring to mind - Lovely Victoria,Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker and Mandy (of ‘How about now?’). Lovely Victoria and Mandy are ‘gentlemen’s companions’ and Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker isn’t (although rather embarrassingly I once called her ‘a hooker with a heart’ at which point she had to explain that she wasn’t, oops!). Again, I think what I love most about these blogs is their refreshing honesty. They tell it like it is and that’s a rare and precious thing in cyberspace.
What are your hobbies?
Top of the list is doing naughty stuff with boys and girls in the bushes - it’s not just work, you know! :-) Aside from that, things I like to do include swimming, going to galleries, antique-hunting (silver and books), sniffing the rain, exploring new places, scuba-diving, restaurants (Indian, Lebanese, and Thai are all good for a veggie like me), running around barefoot on the Yorkshire moors...shall I go on or can I hear snores from the back there? Some of these are things I do with friends, like diving, but others are solitary pursuits, like going up to the moors.
How has your blog changed over the years?
I’m a new girl so there aren’t many years to go on. Ask me that one next year… :-)
Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?
Nope – I don’t have a clue! I just write about things I think are interesting.
Do you have a background in writing?
No but I’ve always loved writing. I read a lot too and I think reading widely helps with writing.
When do you blog?
Naked and at night.
With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?
My most memorable moment was the return of VJ! VJ is a reader who commented on some of my earlier posts and who initially suggested my blog was some form of writing project or a joke. I reacted outrageously to that, invited my loyal readers to have a go at him, deleted one of his comments, and called him some really nasty names to boot. When I read his thoughtful comments on other blogs I suddenly realised how dreadfully I’d misjudged him so I apologised in a comment chez Gillette. To my delight he showed himself to be more of a grown-up than I am, and not only forgave me for my earlier rudeness, but also came back and now comments on my blog. That meant the world to me when he reappeared – I was genuinely so sorry and so ashamed of how I’d treated him when I started out. That’s what I meant when I said ‘don’t over-react to comments’ – debate is healthy and sometimes people are questioning or encouraging debate rather than taking a personal swipe at you.
Would you read your site?
Absolutely! What d’you mean ‘do I laugh at my own jokes too’? :-)
Labels: Beau, Belle de Jour, Bloggers on blogging, Bloggers on blogging Interviews, English courtesan, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Hedonisitic pleasure seeker, How about now, Lovely Victoria, Perveselypoly
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Beau on Blogging
Beau is a hopeful romantic. His blog is a tongue in cheek blog celebrating submissive women and with a light bdsm feel. It is also a showcase for some of his erotic writings.
What is the first weblog you came across?
I'm really not sure now as it was several years a go. The one that inspired me into blogging I think was Belle de Jour.
Why did you start blogging?
I had started to write a memoir about my experiences as a man who paid women for sex. It detailed a journey from the start of that to an emotional entanglement with an escort. I found it difficult to set aside the time for it though. On seeing Belle's blog I realised I could write it as a blog - and perhaps later try to get it published.
But it was Belle who got the book deal! I know there are many who doubt her veracity but I have exchanged emails with her on occasions and believe her to be kosher.
At about the same time I started to write a blog about another part of my life. it was a therapy for myself and I hoped it might also provide support and links for other people in a similar situation.
Then I realised it was also a way I could find an outlet for my photography.
The original Beau de Jour blog is now closed but I found myself writing lots on the comments section of two female bloggers with a bdsm stance - h0les and married man's fucktoy. Although they write as submissive women they are both clearly very strong, intelligent and creative women. I decided that rather than using my creative energies on their blogs I should start one of my own so the current Beau blog was born.
Which blogs do you read?
I still try to read Belle's blog occasionally. Of course I read Nia every day. I read some of the blogs on my sidebar daily. I won't pick any out as that would be unkind to the others.
I also read some of the blogs I link to from my other blogs.
I also read Dragonfly Geisha each day to check up on what is going on and to give me ideas for my next contribution.
And of course Olivia, the English Courtesan. ( Well actually I'm just trying to curry favour in the hope she might one day ...)
What appeals to you about the blogs you read?
The creativity and the emotional honesty which can have a real power.
Whose writing do you particularly admire?
Tolstoy, Rabindrenath Tagore, William Carlos Williams, Toni Morrison, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Shakespeare, Nia.
I suppose you meant Blogs though.
Dragonfly has a number of blogs under different names and I find them very powerful -especially a poetry blog of hers.
I used to like Freya's writing before she closed down. Sometimes too Nina, Lazy Geisha and Magdelena, Myths and Metawhores, though she is not writing currently.
In your reading do you seek out different points of view ?
It is always good to be able to see issues from another's point of view. I don't seek out blogs to challenge me though.
Even with newspapers I tend to avoid the articles by journalists that are just peddling their own views. Why should I or anybody else care about what Melanie bloody Phillips thinks about the latest political issue and how can she be so arrogant to imagine anybody does care what she thinks in her small minded, arrogant ...
Sorry. Please excuse me. I just go off on one occasionally. It's to help ease my blood pressure.
How do you choose items to link?
I'm not sure I'm clear about the question.
If I find something elsewhere that I find particularly amusing, informative or interesting then I will link to it. I don't go searching for such links. Though I do often go searching for photographs that I can put alongside a humorous comment and always try to link to the originator to give them more traffic.
What is your policy on comments?
On the original Beau de Jour blog and on my personal blog I do not allow comments. That is simply because they were/are intended as a memoir. A story rather than a conversation.
If somebody is interested enough to want to say something to me about what I have written they can email me about it and I try to reply if I can.
On the new Beau blog and on my photography blog I do allow comments.
I do not pre-moderate them as I have found no need. I did start asking people to type in that silly letter combination. I know it is a nuisance but I was starting to get a lot of spam comments.
It's interesting how part of the concept of blogging seems to be the comments. It's like everyone having their own little messageboard where they control the topics. I think my approach has been a bit different and only on the new Beau blog and the Dragonfly Geisha blog have come to recognise the value of that interactivity.
I think some though do spend time posting comments all over to attract people to their own blog. That can get very shallow.
Do you ever receive abusive comments, how do you handle it ?
I think I have only received one comment that might be considered abusive. I was accused of being a liar. I left it there as I believe it was honestly felt.
Where do you find interesting links?
From other blogs and comments to my own blog.
Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?
I don't think of it in that way but surely all posts are to create a reaction. Otherwise why blog at all?
How much traffic do you get?
I got up to over 250 hits a day on the Beau blog last month but then it suddenly dipped to only 150 for no particular reason. It's creeping back up to 200 again now. My personal blog gets about fifty a day. My photography blog used to get fifty to an hundred then it suddenly and for no apparent reason fell off the Google Image listings. It gets links from Google but not from Google Image. I've no idea why but I now only get about five hits a day on it.
With each of the blogs you can suddenly get surprising peaks when you are linked to from a very popular blog. My personal blog's hits went through the roof one day when I got a link from an Iranian living in Canada who writes a political blog that is very widely read.
I'm actually more interested in those readers who visit regularly rather than those who hit me by accident and never return. There are a couple of readers of two of my blogs who stop by every day and never comment or email but are very loyal. I'd love to know who they are!
What is your rank on technorati?
I've no idea Nia. You're getting very techie all of a sudden!
Has your writing changed since you started blogging?
I'm not sure. perhaps you should ask my readers.
Once you have people who you know reading your blog it is hard to be quite as open.
I think my personal blog is less "raw" and exposing of my emotions and deepest thoughts than it was at the start.
How many hours do you spend online a day?
Too many.
How much time do you spend on your site a day?
Not that long - depends how much I have to write. Though when I have been writing erotica for Beau and Dragonfly Geisha that can get very time consuming.
How do you find new blogs?
From links on other blogs, links to me and comments.
How much reader email do you get?
It varies but can be quite a lot - but nothing like an escort's email inbox I guess!
Emails are always welcome. It's great to know you've written a post that someone has reacted to enough to want to respond. It's also always nice to hear from those who I have developed an online friendship with.
It can get very time consuming though.
What do you think makes a successful blog?
I'm not sure what is a successful blog never mind what makes one. It might be that I wouldn't want to be successful in certain senses.
If there are a regular group who come back and contact me occasionally then I am content to have an audience for my nonsense.
What is your advice for a new blogger?
Just enjoy it. Write honestly - even if with tongue in cheek - and go for it.
(Do take time on the design though - I think it's good to try to make an effort with this but not essential.)
How has blogging changed your life?
I spent a few months abroad a couple of years ago at the invitation of a beautiful female artist who read my blog. A very special time.
I've also met some very real friends some of whom are no longer only online friends.
What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?
I'm not sure I have any to pick out here.
Perhaps Am I Still Me.
Very honest, raw writing with a real purpose.
What are your hobbies?
Photography, writing, the internet, blogging, eating out, eating in.
How has your blog changed over the years?
I have four blogs on the go currently. Beau, a photography blog, a personal blog and a new joint blog - Dragonfly Geisha - with Dragonfly.
I closed the original Beau de Jour blog when I realised it had upset somebody who I was close to.
I want to change the layout of my photography blog into a proper photo-blog when I can get round to it.
The new Dragonfly Geisha blog is more part of a larger concept and it is great fun working collaboratively.
Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?
I'm not sure any of my items are widely linked!
Do you have a background in writing?
Not really.
When do you blog?
It varies but the salacious blogs I write when on my own!
With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?
When I received an angry and emotional email from someone I cared for deeply, very upset at discovering herself on my blog (although it was carefully anonymous).
Would you read your site?
Yes. I do. I've found myself enjoying rereading some of the erotica I have written. Though it probably appeals to nobody else!
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Labels: Am I still me, bdsm, Beau, Belle de Jour, Bloggers on blogging, Dragonflygeisha, English courtesan, holes, Interviews, Lazygeisha, married man's fucktoy, Melanie Phillips
Monday, April 23, 2007
Happy Hooker memoirs
The Daily mail has issues with Penguin. They say that Penguin are rushing out memoirs portraying prostitution as a glamorous lifestyle choice.
The head of the Metropolitan Police Clubs and Vice Unit estimates that at least 75 per cent of prostitutes working in London are foreign - and that as many as 14,000 women from across the world are working in the sex trade in Britain.
Now we switch to a smart drawing room where the latest bestseller is being discussed by keen readers in their trendy book club.
A stream of so-called Happy Hooker memoirs are spewing out of Grub Street and you won't find a trafficked woman in one of them.
What you will find are salacious confessionals by middle-class hooker hacks motivated as much by celebrity as acclaim among the literati.
We've had a clever girl slumming it with Belle de Jour, who led the way with her blog-turned-book The Intimate Adventures Of A London Call Girl, in which she chatted about her punters, lingerie and writing ambitions.
We've had desperate housewives, such as Dawn Annandale, who revealed in Call Me Elizabeth that she would rather sleep with men to pay the school fees than send her kids to the local comprehensive.
Of course, Aneta's is not a story you will find in the raft of prostitutes' memoirs being pumped out by publishers hellbent on peddling the myth that the Oldest Profession is a path to glamour and eroticism for a certain type of woman.
As the bodies of the brutally murdered prostitutes were being found around Ipswich last December, nubile Brazilian Bruna Surfistinha published Scorpion's Sweet Venom: Diary of A Brazilian Call Girl in the UK.
At 17, Bruna is only two years younger than Tania Nicol, the Ipswich Strangler's youngest victim, but how different are their lives.
Poor little rich girl Bruna decided the best way to upset Mum and Dad wasn't to dye her hair green but go on the game, though she calculated: "If I am going to be a prostitute, I don't want to be a run-of-the-mill one." Bully for her: at least she had a choice.
As Aneta and the Ipswich Five demonstrate, what Surfistinha contemptuously regards as "run-of-the-mill prostitutes" are women who live horrible, degraded lives, and whose freedom of choice is stolen with their passports and the descent into addiction the first time they are given crack cocaine by their pimps.
Not that stark reality penetrates publishers' minds.
This summer another author, the seductively named Miss S, joins Bruna and Belle in bookshops with Kinky Confessions Of A Working Girl.
Her editor Katy Follain, of that august publishing house Penguin, proudly proclaims Miss S is "one of London's top five escorts".
How she knows this is a mystery. Is there a FTSE for hookers? The Floosie 100, perhaps?
In an astonishing letter to promote Kinky Confessions, Follain writes that the book is an 'intimate diary' of Miss S's first year in a brothel, aged 21.
She took the job after a vacancy opened in her local massage parlour. Miss S likes the work so much she now runs her own business - whether it employs trafficked women, Follain omits to mention.
She does reveal: "This is her chosen career - she does it because she loves it, and her attitude to sex is empowering, fun and refreshing."
The book, Follain gushes, "will undoubtedly appeal to both curious teenage girls as well as bored housewives".
Teenage girls? What on earth is she thinking?
"Kinky Confessions stands out from the other sex memoirs," she burbles, "because everything in it is absolutely authentic, and will have huge credibility."
Not with me. If you want authenticity, consider that, according to the police, women in brothels are forced to service between 20 and 30 clients a day.
This is the reality of the vice trade, not books like Handy Hints for Hookers, Callgirl: Confessions of an Ivy League Lady of Pleasure, Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl or Concertina: The Life and Loves of a Dominatrix. It is far from the image promoted by the publishers of those literary offerings.
While Belle, Bruna and Miss S emphasise their freedom of choice, most sex workers are no more than slaves and there is nothing glamorous about the world they inhabit.
By peddling the myth of the middle-class call girl, these books perpetuate the insidious idea that inside every young girl and suburban housewife is a woman who regards sex as a commodity to sell.
What these memoirs also fail to acknowledge is the uncomfortable relationship between prostitution and paedophilia.
Belle and Co may be legal, but according to the Home Office as many as 75 per cent of all prostitutes begin their involvement in the trade well before their 18th birthday.
Many start as young as 12 after falling in with bad crowds - the average age of girls being pimped by young hustlers is 14 to 17.
Of the 84 trafficked women rescued from brothels in Operation Pentameter last year, 12 were under 17, some only 14.
Child prostitution is getting worse. From Gatwick to Glasgow, charities report a sharp rise in child abductions from care homes. Once snatched, the children are either trafficked abroad or forced to work in brothels here.
Up to 5,000 children are working as sex slaves in the UK, the Joseph Rowntree Foundation claims. As well as child exploitation, a disproportionate number of sex workers suffered appalling violence and sexual abuse as children, which was a significant factor in leading them into the vice trade.
The Home Office reports as many as 85 per cent of prostitutes suffered physical abuse as children, while 45 per cent were victims of sex abuse.
One woman, Severine, who works as an erotic masseuse, contacted me when I was researching this subject to say: "I did have a childhood that most people would consider emotionally abusive. I don't know if that's why I became a sex worker or not. It was probably part of it."
Severine's acknowledgement is borne out by other prostitutes and ex-sex workers I have met. A few years ago, a room mate of mine was a bright, sassy girl, who admitted to me she'd been a prostitute. She had also suffered horrific abuse.
Aged seven, she was raped on her way home from school. When she was 13 she was gang raped. Her parents were going through a nasty divorce, so rather than turn to them for help, she ran away.
On the streets prostitution was not her 'choice', it was her means of survival and memories of what she went through at the hands of punters haunted her into adulthood.
As a volunteer on the streets, I helped out with a welfare charity and discovered my friend's story was all too familiar.
None of the prostitutes I met had enjoyed happy, secure childhoods free from fear or abuse.
For girls not forced to sell sex by traffickers, heroin has proved the slave driver, as the victims of the Ipswich Strangler exemplify. The Home Office reports that 87 per cent of women involved in street-based prostitution use the drug.
Not a picture you find in the pages of Miss S and her bookish sisters.
Nor is the violence meted out to prostitutes reflected in these vice memoirs - Dawn Annandale alludes to one nasty incident, but it is nothing compared to the beatings meted out by pimps and punters most street girls experience.
Instead of the grim reality, we are peddled the tales of Bruna, Belle, Miss S et al, ready to spill their socalled secrets in return for a fat advance from publishers too busy reading their blogs to bother finding out what really happens in the vice trade.
Publishers who sell this nonsense claim it 'empowers' us girls, showing women sex workers in control of their sexuality and enjoying the work. If it's such a good job, why don't these publishers recommend their daughters take it up?
And if it is such great work then why do brothels use trafficked women to fill vacancies?
Because vice is not nice, which is why women do not choose it as a career.
The image of prostitution these writers promote is utter rubbish, a lie propagated about a profession that relies on coercion, rape, violence and drug addiction to recruit its workers.
For the sake of Aneta, my friend and the victims of the Ipswich Strangler, as well as the 5,000 child sex slaves working in Britain, it is about time publishers dug a little deeper when dealing with the Oldest Profession and stopped trying to sell us this pernicious nonsense.
Quotes from The squalid truth about call girl lit by Danuta Kean of the Daily Mail.
I agree that there are not that many books about trafficked women available.
I wonder whether that is because they do not sell that well?
I feel strongly about trafficked women, but does Danuta Kean feel that Penguin have a moral responsibility to educate the public about the issue?
What Danuta may not be aware of, is that some people who are traumatised, do not want to share their stories. They want to forget what they can,as soon as possible. Recalling or reliving the events, can cause a secondary trauma .So sharing your story, is not always therapeutic.
I have read Dawn Annandale's book Call me Elizabeth and I do not recall it being fluffy. The Daily Mail claim that the violent incident that Dawn mentions in her book, is nothing compared to what happens to streetgirls.
My understanding is that Dawn and Belle de Jour,who I have also read, write about their experiences.
Can they be blamed for not mentioning trafficked women in their memoirs?
They are free to write what they like, and what they experience, in my view.
I think what Danuta Kean fails to realise, is that what is happening in the publishing world, is no different to what happens on punter messageboards, and in the blogosphere.
How many threads do you see about trafficking on messageboards?
Miss S, is quoted as one of London's top five escorts, and Danuta Kean wonders whether there is a FTSE for hookers.
Well she needs to look at the charts on Punternet and Captain 69. Unfortunately, ratings are part and parcel of the industry. Some men are influenced, by these charts.
Danuta Kean, feels that these memoirs do not acknowledge the uncomfortable relationship between paedophilia and prostitution. There is a possiblity that the writers do not believe there is a link.
I agree with Danuta Kean.Trafficking is an uncomfortable issue that some people do not want to think about. The fact is it will not go away, and trafficked woman do not have a choice. I also do not believe that prostitution is a path to glamour.
I have a number of articles about trafficking, and the Ipswich murders on my blog.
The Poppy Project which is listed on my sidebar, is a good resource, for women who are trafficked.
Can anyone point me to any escort blogs, of women who are trafficked?
Have a good week!
Labels: Belle de Jour, books, Captain 69, Daily Mail, Dawn Annandale, Escorts, Hookers, News, Penguin, Poppy Project, Prostitutes, Punternet
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I want to make you come
This is something that some of my clients say. There are several ways in which it can be interpreted. One of which is, that they want to make sure that I have a good time.
I feel uncomfortable when it is something that is said, as soon as someone has sat down, because I feel the pressure is on. Yes, I know I can fake it, and we know that lots of escorts out there do. The difficulty for me, is that I cannot come on demand, it is just not the way that I function. Each time I come, there is no particular thing, that I can pinpoint to, that made it happen. It just happens.
Julia O' Connell Davidson raises this issue in her book,
Prostitution Power and Freedom
She says "When a client expresses a wish for the prostitutes they use to achieve genuine orgasm, it seems to me that this too reflects a desire truly to possess the woman, rather than simply contract for her "services". Because they (wrongly) imagine that, if a prostitute orgasmed, it would be attributable to their own sexual performance, to evoke a genuine sexual response in a prostitute woman is seen as proof of having penetrated beyond the professional "facade". It is a victory over the prostitute woman because she is imagined to have lost control."
Belle de Jour covers the issue in her book on Page 94. She says "Regarding orgasms at work I don't. I don't equate number of orgasms with the level of enjoyment of sex, nor good sex with the ability to produce an orgasm. Let's be honest, this is a customer service position, not a self-fulfilment odyssey. They're paying for their orgasm, not mine. Plenty of the men- more than you might think-never even come at all. They never imply it's a failure on my part. Sometimes they're just after human contact, a warm body, an erotic embrace."
So no orgasm for me does not mean that you are crap. It is not about me evaluating your performance, even though that is what you may want me to do.
I feel uncomfortable when it is something that is said, as soon as someone has sat down, because I feel the pressure is on. Yes, I know I can fake it, and we know that lots of escorts out there do. The difficulty for me, is that I cannot come on demand, it is just not the way that I function. Each time I come, there is no particular thing, that I can pinpoint to, that made it happen. It just happens.
Julia O' Connell Davidson raises this issue in her book,
Prostitution Power and Freedom
She says "When a client expresses a wish for the prostitutes they use to achieve genuine orgasm, it seems to me that this too reflects a desire truly to possess the woman, rather than simply contract for her "services". Because they (wrongly) imagine that, if a prostitute orgasmed, it would be attributable to their own sexual performance, to evoke a genuine sexual response in a prostitute woman is seen as proof of having penetrated beyond the professional "facade". It is a victory over the prostitute woman because she is imagined to have lost control."
Belle de Jour covers the issue in her book on Page 94. She says "Regarding orgasms at work I don't. I don't equate number of orgasms with the level of enjoyment of sex, nor good sex with the ability to produce an orgasm. Let's be honest, this is a customer service position, not a self-fulfilment odyssey. They're paying for their orgasm, not mine. Plenty of the men- more than you might think-never even come at all. They never imply it's a failure on my part. Sometimes they're just after human contact, a warm body, an erotic embrace."
So no orgasm for me does not mean that you are crap. It is not about me evaluating your performance, even though that is what you may want me to do.
Labels: Belle de Jour, Black escort, books, Escort orgasms, Julia O'Connell Davidson, London
