Nia Dark and Lovely, a Black Escort in London

Mandy says What's a broke-but-fully-employed girl to do? Why, start selling her services, of course. Can it be done without losing husband, self-respect, etc? Only time will tell.

What is the first weblog you came across?

I came late to All-About-Me Revolution. I had a couple of friends with LiveJournals, and I first started reading Go Fug Yourself when my friend Power Girl told me it was hilarious. It is.

Why did you start blogging?

I had a Myspace, the usual this-is-what-I-think-about-the-world, here's-what-I-did-today, oh-wow-dryer-lint, no reason for anyone who did not know me personally to read it. I started exchanging views with a Myspace Friend (whom I still have not met) about sex and relationships, started whoring a bit around that time, and writing publicly was the natural place to go.

Right now, I am struggling with the relationship between writing and whoring – I am more prolific (and better) than I have ever creatively been before, and there is a worry that whoring is the necessary overall context in which to write. But there are emotional repercussions to sex work, and that is challenging.

Which blogs do you read?

I do not put anyone on my blogroll unless I read them regularly so those 27 are the ones I scan every other morning. My corner of the neighborhood is Tom Paine, La Fille Mariee and Gillette. For sheer style and consistency, the Fug Girls, Postsecret and Dan Savage are amazing, but I do not know if the latter two really count as "blogs".

What appeals to you about the blogs you read?

Funny and clever and something to say beyond who they shagged and when. I wrote (Mandy pronounces with great judgementalism )about reading through the Sugasm (a weekly list of posts from sex bloggers) and avoiding blogs that are only sex acts and their lead-up – I want power exchange or discovery or relationship, and a sexy story may be the way to tell that, but not another wank story with no context. I like it when an article makes me think enough to go write.

Whose writing do you particularly admire?

Edith Wharton – my husband was driving while I read House of Mirth in the car, and it startled him that I was weeping as I finished the book. She describes the actions, rather than the emotions of the characters, which involves the reader in experiencing the emotional life instead of being told about it. Malcom Gladwell is another favorite – Blink and The Tipping Point, the way he assembles thought about social activity. English mystery writers, especially Dorothy Sayers, the way a mystery must be constructed from the first page to inevitably lead to one conclusion. Terry Pratchett's social satire disguised as fantasy, brilliantly funny and devastatingly clever.

In your reading do you seek out different points of view?

Yes and no – I want to know what the enemy is up to, but I do not have the time and energy in my life to spend on agonizing about disagreeing. It has been hard for me to learn to accept that other people have diametrically opposed viewpoints, and it is not because they just do not understand. It is not my mission to correct them, or absorb their views. But I do like to get new angles and have my thoughts challenged on issues I am thinking about.

How do you choose items to link?

I have a blogroll that is only blogs I read often, that update often, and that have a quality of writing I can honestly recommend. I link to articles (on and off my roll) in the context of my posts if they inspired me or they have a different take.

What is your policy on comments?

So far un-moderated and delete the occasional spammer. I sometimes step in and request civility, but my readers are generally smart and well-mannered.

Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it?

I have not yet – there are those who advise, or disagree with a course of action, but no-one (knock wood) has been nasty or abusive. Things like that hurt me, though, so I am sure when it does happen I will delete, then go lie down. The illusion is that people know me by what I write, and I am extremely personal, but when it comes right down to it, they really do not know me personally, and how wounding can blind spite really be? God has already punished them; they have to be themselves.

Where do you find interesting links?

In the other blogs I read, by listening to public radio, and that my friends and readers send along.

Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?

My sweet post about rediscovering my relationship with Lover drew no comments, but the piece that agonized about saying no to a particular client drew many comments and a personal conversation with a reader with strong advice, as well as chat with Lover in real life. So trauma draws people online as well as off. That said, I can only write what really happens – sometimes it stirs something in people wrestling with a similar issue, compels them to respond. I am not deliberately "stirring things up" but I am dramatically constructing my narratives to evoke the strongest possible response.

How much traffic do you get?

Over eighty-three thousand unique hits since February 2007.

What is your rank on Technorati?

Around twenty-two thousand.

Has your writing changed since you started blogging?

Yes – more often, more of it, and the style is shaping itself. Non-fiction is definitely my favorite.

How many hours do you spend online a day?

Far too many! I try for about three but it is often five to seven. Research, email, and blogging start to add up. I am thankful to have friends to go to the gym with and an active "real life" job.

How much time do you spend on your site a day?

Not more than an hour – scan the blogs on the roll, post something, that is about it. Sometimes add some buttons or join a blogging resource. I write in a notebook that carries with me, transcribe and refine in Word and copy-paste.

How many blogs do you read?

I scan 30-50 and I care about 5.

How do you find new blogs?

Recommendations from others I read, links, and Googling on topics of interest.

How much reader email do you get?

Enough to make me feel special but not overwhelmed!

What do you think makes a successful blog?

Foremost, a unique style that suits, supports and enhances the material. It is how, not what is told. Frequent, well-written content relating to a subject of greater interest than just "this is my life," and an awareness of context. Like academic writing, you must demonstrate a grasp of the existing views and beliefs for your challenges or expansions to be taken seriously. As an example of a light-hearted blog that is nonetheless rigorous in background and research, The Fug Girls are not just writing catty opinions, they know what is going on in the socialite, entertainment and music worlds, they know what the fashions of the season are, they have an overall grasp of historical standards of taste and decency, and that's what makes them hilariously clever instead of just a couple of bitches badmouthing things they personally do not like.

What is your advice for a new blogger?

Write about things you really care about. But to make your personal crappy-crap relevant to the readers, take in information from your favorite sources and make notes about how to use it to round out your own ideas or as a starter for your own responses to a topic or idea. Connect your family life or your sex life or your creative life to ideas about the world, so that your personal experience becomes the illustration rather than the point.

Audit a creative writing class at your local college to experience reading and listening to other writers and thinking critically about what works. It is easier to pick out a problem and say, "Ohhh! That is why that does not work and here is how to fix it!" on early-career writers than with published, successful material. It is also good to get feedback on your own writing style and abilities. Sometimes the criticism is useful in unexpected ways – my pieces always got marked up by other students who thought I wrote run-on sentences. I do. On purpose. And hearing their feedback helped me realize that and use long phrasings better and more deliberately as a stylistic choice.

Write more than one draft – do not write directly to your blog or it will be sloppy and possibly a poor choice. Unless it is your style to use poor spelling and grammar (and very few people can pull that off), use good English and look up words you cannot spell. It distracts the reader from your point and diminishes the authority of your words every time there is an error of language. Use a Thesaurus to expand your vocabulary and give variety to your work, as long as they still sound like your words! Which is a larger point – the more you expand your own knowledge and understanding, the more range your writing will have while still being genuinely "you."

How has blogging changed your life?

Writing a really good post makes me feel good, and especially when I save up to write later in the day, it is something to look forward to. I have also met some very interesting people, on and off line. The biggest element is that I now am often writing my life in my head as I experience it, and that is sometimes great and sometimes a little terrifying.

What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?

Mine. Because I am a fucking brilliant writer on my good days and not a waste of time on the bad days.

(This is where I'm supposed to be all sweet and link to my friends – check them out at my blogroll).

Personal favorite posts on How About Now? are water-water-everywhere,

whore-sex-vs-not-whore-sex, and first-client.

What are your hobbies?

Reading, languages, and I adore cooking very traditional meat-and-two-veg meals. You should see me in my pearls and apron…

How has your blog changed over the years?

It has only been 6 months, but I got distinctly more literary around the middle of February, and have since tried to balance reportage and writing. My best posts are when a metaphor that I can really play with pops into the writing. It usually comes about a third of the way in and then I go back and revise with it in mind.

Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?


I do not even think about it – I like submitting to Sugasm and that has brought me a lot of readers as well as turning me on to blogs I would not have come across, but I am more about the regular readers than big traffic to a single post.

Do you have a background in writing?

Yes. I have a terminal degree in my field and I am published in a couple of other genres. Until I was in high school, I hated the physical act of writing, it hurt my hand, though I won prizes for stories and essays. Then I got into poetry and fiction and started enjoying it. I did not discover non-fiction until graduate school, and it was a huge realization – oh, that is what my travel notebooks are! I continue to write professionally in addition to my other pursuits.

When do you blog?

Ideas get jotted in my constant notebook, or on the backs of receipts if I am(rarely) out without one. I tend to formulate phrasings and the scope of a piece in my head while driving or doing work around the house, and then I compose the pieces in the morning, sitting in my library in my jammies with unbrushed teeth (very important) or in the evenings on my porch seat, ducking moths as it gets darker. My husband does not read the blog, so it is important to not shove it down his throat when I am writing.

With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?

The first time I was with a client and I detached myself from the situation to write it in my head as it was happening.

Would you read your site?

Damn straight. One of my reasons for starting was that it is the kind of thing I like to read, and Belle de Jour does not post a lot lately.

Thank you – what thought-provoking questions, especially about the writing process!

Mandy

Labels: Belle de Jour, Bloggers on blogging, books, Dan Savage, Escorts, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Gofugyourself, How about now, Interviews, La fille Mariee, Malcolm Gladwell, Myspace, Perverselypoly, Postsecret, Sugasm

Do you tell a client when he is doing something that does not turn you on, or you do not like?

Mandy has an interesting post on the bits and pieces of tackling this issue. The other option is to stay in acting mode, as Teela Sanders found in her research with some escorts.

The issues that Mandy raises are not clear cut, and we all have our different ways of dealing with them. I think some escorts will pull clients up all the time, some will grin and bear it, and some will try and find a balance.

What I am aware of, is that some clients see escorts, because they do not want to think about their pleasure.They want the time to be focused around their needs, and that is what they pay for.They are running away from girlfriends or wives, that they have to cater to. Then, there is another set of clients, who want to know that an escort is getting something out of it.

Yes, I have fun with some of my clients, but if I do not, it is not a big deal.However, if a client does something that makes me feel bad,like smashing into my cervix, or trying to pull my hair out, I will say something. As Mandy points out, we are not there for our pleasure. If I walk away having had a good time, then I see it as a bonus.

Can we make hard and fast rules?

Have a good week.

Labels: Black escort, How about now, London, Teela Sanders, Thoughts

Mercurial girl is an American ex pat making a home and creating her life in Paris.

What is the first weblog you came across?

Before I start Nia, I would like to thank you for inviting me to participate. It's been fun reading the answers of the preceding bloggers in this series.

I do not remember a specific blog. I became aware of blogs in college and began searching out those that discussed issues that I was concerned with. Most dealt with politics or social justice issues. Later I discovered introspective blogs and those have become the ones that I am most interested in.

Why did you start blogging?

At the suggestion of a therapist who felt that I would benefit from keeping a journal. A blog was a more interesting medium than paper, the exhibitionist in me liked the thought of readers

Which blogs do you read?


The blogs listed on my sidebar and about 50 more that I have bookmarked. It takes me 2-3 weeks to rotate through them all.

What appeals to you about the blogs you read?

I look for good writing, a point of view and a well told story.

Whose writing do you particularly admire?

Excepting present company, this varies from time to time, but one writer who I feel is really hitting her chops is Gillette at Ex-Courtesan in Transition and another is Mandy at How About Now. Tui is a writer who I might go down to the crossroads to strike a bargain if I could have her ability.

In your reading do you seek out different points of view ?

I am looking for a point of view expressed well, in thoughtful arguments. I can take something away from writers who are persuasive in their logic, particularly when I vehemently disagree.

How do you choose items to link?

More serendipity than analysis, if something strikes my fancy I wil bookmark it for future mention. What catches my attention is a post that is saying something important, either as an observation or the writer speaking of herself.

What is your policy on comments?

Excepting spam or at the writer’s request, I have never deleted a comment. Nor do I moderate them. My attitude is that if someone wants to make a jackass of themselves by making a comment that many would find offensive, so be it. The rest of us will recognize the writer for what he/she is and we will go on.

Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it ?

Not recently, but I have in the past. I typically ignore the comment but leave it up.

Where do you find interesting links?

Two places, among the links of other bloggers and when I see a well written comment by a writer who has a profile, I will check the profile to see if they have a blog and I will check it out.

Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?

Not really. Occasionally I will make an allusion to something to see if anyone picks up on it.

How much traffic do you get?

When last I checked, about six months ago, Mercurial Girl averaged about 300 page views a day. I suspect that has dropped since I am not posting as often and the content of my posts has changed. Less smut.

What is your rank on technorati?

Technorati, I have no idea, but I did check The Truth Laid Bear, and Mercurial Girl is now a Crawley Amphibian, up from being a Slimy Mollusk.

Has your writing changed since you started blogging?

Yes, when I started it was pretty much stream of consciousness. Now I take care in composing my posts, often making significant edits before sending them up. Early on I wrote directly on Blogger, but after having several posts eaten by the internet, I decided to write off line so I could have a copy to repost if necessary. Writing off line is different, it certainly is less spontaneous and allows me to be more precise, but it does not make the posts perfect. Often I will re-read a post several days after it has gone up and I will wish I phrased something differently or find a typo. Unless I realize this immediately I usually leave the post as it is.

How many hours do you spend online a day?

I am constantly online, because that is how I run my business. It is how I communicate with my contractors, check on the status of projects and review the work. Recreationally, including communicating with friends, probably a couple of hours a day.

How much time do you spend on your site a day?

On days I post fifteen minutes to an hour, otherwise not at all. I pick up comments via email.

How many blogs do you read?

80 to 100, stretched out over a two to three week rotation. Some I read carefully, others I skim, looking for a nugget.

How do you find new blogs?

Pretty much the same place I find links, among the blogs listed in sidebars and the blogs of those commenting.

How much reader email do you get?

Not tons and it tends to ebb and flow. There are a handful of readers who regularly email me so we have an ongoing exchange.

What do you think makes a successful blog?

Having a purpose for the blog and the ability to tell a story in an engaging manner.

What is your advice for a new blogger?

Have a purpose for your blog, but know that the purpose may change over time. If you are new to writing, pretend that blog is a conversation with a friend and you are telling a story. Keep the post simple and focused.

How has blogging changed your life?

I have become a much better and more confident writer. And I have become exposed to many interesting people who I might not have sought out if it had not been for my blogging.

What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?

There is a young blogger, Kestral, whose blog American Kestral I have been reading for a few months who is very talented and a keen observer of the world around her. She should be showing up in more sidebars (including mine).

Annie Rhiannon, at minimum makes me smile whenever I read her, but most often induces me into fits of giggling.

What are your hobbies?

Cooking! I love having a couple or a bunch of friends over and making them dinner. Other things I do are running and biking. Checking out estate sales and flea markets with my friend Anne Marie is a pretty regular weekend activity.

How has your blog changed over the years?

Initially I wrote just for myself, but overtime the knowledge that there are readers has me choosing subjects and composing the posts with the reader in mind. This results in my playing to the crowd occasionally. Today, I also comment on current events that is something I did not do in the beginning.

Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?

I do not have a clue.

Do you have a background in writing?

Not beyond the requirements for a marketing degree.

When do you blog?

Currently late in the evening, I am not much for TV and the blog fills that time.

With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?

I am not sure I can put my finger on a single moment, but it would be the support I received when I have written about crises in my life.

Would you read your site?

Of course!

Labels: American Kestral, Annie Rhiannon, Bloggers on blogging, Escorts, Ex-Courtesan in transition, How about now, Interviews, Mercurial girl, Technorati, Truth laid bare, Tui

Join the English Courtesan Olivia on her journey from novice Yorkshire temptress, social escort & former mistress to professional courtesan & international travel companion...

What is the first weblog you came across?

Don’t I get to start with an Oscar acceptance preamble about what an
honour it is to be interviewed by Dark and Lovely Nia and how I’d like to
thank Nia and my laptop? If I go into detail about the ‘how’ of thanking Nia the
editor might censor me but I’ll risk a saucy wink at her across cyberspace,
and concentrate on thanking the laptop with one of these instead.

My first blog find was Belle de Jour but like Beau my efforts to seduce her have gone unrewarded to date. So I might just have to settle for a little commiseration with Beau. Ahem. As it were. :-)

Why did you start blogging?

Becoming an escort seemed like such a big life change that I wanted to
chronicle the journey in some way I suppose. As for why I became an
escort, that’s a long story but you can read it here.

Which blogs do you read?

Due to time constraints, I tend to catch up on reading every few weeks
and I always start with my favourites which are Nia (you look so
lovely when you blush!), Gillette (ditto!) and Beau. Whilst I enjoy reading about people’s sexploits, I like thoughtful blogs and non-sex blogs too. I try to read all the blogs on my links list though, so that’s a mixture of escort, client and unrelated non-sex blogs.

What appeals to you about the blogs you read?

I think there are two things that all of these blogs have, and that’s thoughtfulness and honesty. By thoughtfulness, I suppose I mean not just the act of thinking, but the fact that they are open-minded, non-judgemental and able to consider issues other than their own personal ones. Even if I don’t always agree with their opinions, I like the fact that these writers say what they think.

Whose writing do you particularly admire?

In the blogosphere, I admire all of those mentioned above. In books, my
desert island authors would include Evelyn Waugh, Ted Hughes,
Silas Hocking and T. S. Eliot. In journalism, I like Michael Winner and A. A. Gill (who do restaurants in the Sunday Times), Prufrock (random bits of salacious business gossip, also in the Sunday Times) and the ‘Houses with a…’ column in the Saturday Guardian (which does des res properties with things like turrets, libraries, moorings and other useful appendages). Then there’s a graffiti writer who paints words like ‘bum’ on bridges over the M1 motorway which I find peculiarly amusing. My enduring respect also goes to the ad agency that came up with the strapline ‘if it’s not Birds, you’re a custard short of a pudding!’.

In your reading do you seek out different points of view?

Not consciously – I like reading what I like reading, and whether they
share my point of view is less important to me than things like writing
style, honesty, depth and humour. I do like different perspectives though,
like Tom Paine on polyamory and Winheld’s World on life with Duchenne’s muscular Dystrophy, as they make me think.

How do you choose items to link?

I’m partial to girls with big boobies and boys with middle-aged spread. I’m not sure I answered the right question there though.

What is your policy on comments?

I love ‘em! Except if they’re spam in which case I dob them in to their ISP or their Mum.

Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it ?

I don’t tend to get abusive comments but I do get abusive emails. I usually handle them by hitting the delete button but I’ve kept a few choice ones for their hilarity value. I reserve the right to publish them on my blog one day… :-)

Where do you find interesting links?

Down the back of the sofa with my beribboned undergarments.

Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?

‘Moi?’. Smiles innocently… I don’t set out to provoke a reaction but I seem to elicit some strong responses nonetheless.

How much traffic do you get?

Ooooh, I love it when you talk techie to me Nia! That’s a trade secret but as it’s you…shhhh...come closer Lovely Nia so that I can whisper in your boobies, sorry, ears…I get 300 to 500 unique visitors a day.

What is your rank on technorati?

270,289 and my Google page rank is 4! I know you didn’t ask for page rank but I’m rather proud of that so I thought I’d slip it in while you weren’t looking. :-)

Has your writing changed since you started blogging?

I think I’ve got more confident in terms of writing about what I want, rather than what I think people want to read. When I started out, I was really trying to answer the questions of an imaginary audience, but now I write for me as much as for anyone else. I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing, but it makes the act of writing it much more enjoyable.

How many hours do you spend online a day?

I’m usually online all day, to such an extent that my wireless router blows itself up on a regular basis. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that a wi-fi hotspot is a pre-requisite for a holiday destination too, though I’m hoping I’ll grow out of that.

How much time do you spend on your site a day?

It probably averages out at around two hours a week.

How many blogs do you read?

I tend to read all those on my links list, so that’s about 20. Apart from my favourites above, I don’t have time to read them daily, or even weekly, but I try to catch up every few weeks.

How do you find new blogs?

They often find me by commenting on my posts, but I follow links on blogs I like too.

How much reader email do you get?

I usually get between twenty and fifty emails a week. I’m slow to reply because of the sheer volume but I do try to reply in time.

What do you think makes a successful blog?

More pictures of your fabulous boobies would definitely help with the
search engines. :-)

What is your advice for a new blogger?

It sounds trite but I think my biggest piece of advice would be ‘be yourself’. My blog is a way to talk to clients and potential clients, but it’s the real me too and I think that keeping it real is important. I think the rest, in terms of readers and comments and traffic, follows on from that.I think my other advice would be not to trust everyone, in that there are a lot of fakes in the blogosphere, and also not to over-react to seemingly negative comments…see below…

How has blogging changed your life?

Goodness – that’s a biggie, Nia! It has definitely changed my life, but I find it hard to separate the blogging from my new life as an escort, courtesan or whatever you like to call me. The people I’ve met and the friends I’ve made through the blog are the biggest and most positive change to my life. I think a related issue is that the blog means that the loneliness of living a secret life no longer weighs so heavily on me. I can’t tell my ‘normal’ friends about what I do and nor can I ask their advice on things like rates or marketing, but I can tell the blog readers and ask their views.

What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?

Three spring to mind - Lovely Victoria,Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker and Mandy (of ‘How about now?’). Lovely Victoria and Mandy are ‘gentlemen’s companions’ and Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker isn’t (although rather embarrassingly I once called her ‘a hooker with a heart’ at which point she had to explain that she wasn’t, oops!). Again, I think what I love most about these blogs is their refreshing honesty. They tell it like it is and that’s a rare and precious thing in cyberspace.

What are your hobbies?

Top of the list is doing naughty stuff with boys and girls in the bushes - it’s not just work, you know! :-) Aside from that, things I like to do include swimming, going to galleries, antique-hunting (silver and books), sniffing the rain, exploring new places, scuba-diving, restaurants (Indian, Lebanese, and Thai are all good for a veggie like me), running around barefoot on the Yorkshire moors...shall I go on or can I hear snores from the back there? Some of these are things I do with friends, like diving, but others are solitary pursuits, like going up to the moors.

How has your blog changed over the years?

I’m a new girl so there aren’t many years to go on. Ask me that one next year… :-)

Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?

Nope – I don’t have a clue! I just write about things I think are interesting.

Do you have a background in writing?

No but I’ve always loved writing. I read a lot too and I think reading widely helps with writing.

When do you blog?

Naked and at night.

With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?

My most memorable moment was the return of VJ! VJ is a reader who commented on some of my earlier posts and who initially suggested my blog was some form of writing project or a joke. I reacted outrageously to that, invited my loyal readers to have a go at him, deleted one of his comments, and called him some really nasty names to boot. When I read his thoughtful comments on other blogs I suddenly realised how dreadfully I’d misjudged him so I apologised in a comment chez Gillette. To my delight he showed himself to be more of a grown-up than I am, and not only forgave me for my earlier rudeness, but also came back and now comments on my blog. That meant the world to me when he reappeared – I was genuinely so sorry and so ashamed of how I’d treated him when I started out. That’s what I meant when I said ‘don’t over-react to comments’ – debate is healthy and sometimes people are questioning or encouraging debate rather than taking a personal swipe at you.

Would you read your site?

Absolutely! What d’you mean ‘do I laugh at my own jokes too’? :-)

Labels: Beau, Belle de Jour, Bloggers on blogging, Bloggers on blogging Interviews, English courtesan, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Hedonisitic pleasure seeker, How about now, Lovely Victoria, Perveselypoly