Nia Dark and Lovely, a Black Escort in London

I have just finished Confessions of a Working Girl

Miss S is one of the authors that Danuta Kean refers to in her happy hooker memoirs which I talked about here.

This book does not glamourise prostitution at all, in my view. Yes, Miss S chose to work in a brothel or parlour, but some of her experiences are so offputting, I think anyone who is thinking of working in a brothel needs to read this.

Miss S talks about how by the eighth client she is swollen, by the tenth she is raw, and when she gets to client 12 she is numb. What I found amazing, was that it was a sackable offence if the girls gave their number out, provided owo, or anal. The girls did not kiss either.

The market has changed so much now, I wonder when Miss S was working at this brothel, and whether their policies remain the same now.

She describes various experiences of bad and difficult clients who pull off condoms, or are too rough.She has one incident with a chinese client who does this, and talks of the stress she goes through, waiting for her results.

The local coppers have something on their bulletin board, saying the brothel is the cleanest and safest house in the area, and is the only one they can use, which is hilarious.

There are countless women who cannot deal with the job psychologically, when they have condom splits with clients.

She has some tips at the back, which I think would be useful for newbies. One thing that I agree with is her point about regulars. She says when a regular client sees another girl, all it means is he fancies a change.

It does not mean the girl has stolen him, or he does not like you. Your punter is not your boyfriend, so do not take it personally.

I read the book, and take my hat off to Miss S. Some of the stuff she went through was awful. It is an easy read, and an eye opener for working in a brothel or parlour.

Danuta Kean says that Miss S's publisher claimed this book will appeal to teenage girls. I am with Danuta on that, I cannot see how and why it would appeal to teenage girls.

Miss S does touch on some of her clients who may be paedophiles, which is something that Danuta Kean feels the book fails to acknowledge. Miss S, gives a number of accounts of clients who talk to her about this, and the alarm bells that go off for her. I think the book is authentic, and although Miss S made some money, this would not go down in my list of books that glamourise the profession.

Part one and Part Two of the Danuta Kean debate.

Labels: books, Brothels, Confessions of a working girl, Danuta Kean, Escorts, Hookers, Miss S

I get numerous requests from other bloggers to exchange links. I do not exchange links with everyone who contacts me, and felt that it was time that I did a post on who I am likely to link to.

Andy Wibbels thinks link exchanging is tacky and link farms are so 1997. Andy will not link to anyone who he has never met. I have the same policy on my professional site as I mentioned in people power and choosing friends.

I do not have the same policy on my blog.I link to bloggers who I find interesting, who I believe are authentic, and who make me think. I may not share their views, but they have to interest me in some way. I do not link to bloggers who I find boring, or overtly promotional.

Rebecca blood has a chapter in The Weblog Handbook on weblog etiquette where she discusses asking for a link.

What Rebecca says, rings true for me. She talks about receiving emails where the blogger asks for a link exchange, and wants confirmation that she has added them to her blogroll. She acknowledges that the experts will advise you to trade links to increase traffic to your site. However, she says our reputations are built largely on the quality of the links we provide to our readers, especially in the case of filters. Rebecca ignores these requests and so do I. She says that she finds bloggers who threaten not to link to her puzzling, as she did not ask. I feel the same way. She says in contrast to telling another blogger that you admire their work, it is iffy to suggest that they would enjoy yours. She says these sorts of emails put bloggers in an awkward position, and if your goal is to gain allies in the blogosphere, putting others in an uncomfortable position is a poor strategy. I do not assume that because I link to a blogger, that they will necessarily link back to me.

I recently had a request from a black London escort, that asked me for a link exchange. This black escort was exposed on a messageboard for copying pages of text from another black escort's professional site. I discovered last year that she had lifted my entire Faq page from my professional site, she did not copy chunks of text, but an entire page. I did not confront her at the time, but was aware of what she did. Escorts who do this sort of thing, do not realise that anything you write is publicly accessible and permanently archived. I have clients who only see black escorts, and they are up to date on who is new, and look at their sites. Some of them have emailed me, and informed me of escorts who have stolen text from my site. This is not unusual in the industry.

I am baffled that the escort who emailed me, has the audacity to contact me to exchange links. I think she has no understanding of copyright, or chooses to ignore it. She is mannerless, and clearly is not aware that this is not how to make friends in this industry. Her exposure on the messageboard is not something that I can forget.

Why would she feel that I would ever consider having anything to do with her?

I believe bloggers who copy text from blogs without revealing their sources, by crediting links,or referencing it are unethical. They attempt to pass the posts off as their own, and will be exposed. This is the world wide web, and someone somewhere, will pull you up on it.

Rebecca has a good article on Weblog ethics which is an essential read. I would also recommend her book to any bloggers out there.

Labels: Andy Wibbels, Black escort, Blogging, books, Escorts, link exchanging, London, Rebecca Blood, Thoughts

Two former prostitutes in Turkey will be running for parliament.

They may want to speak to Lindi St Clair also known as Miss Whiplash, who ran for the Corrective party.

You can read more about Lindi St Clair in her book It's Only a Game: The Autobiography of Miss Whiplash

Have a good weekend.

Labels: books, Escorts, Lindi St Clair, News, Prostitutes, Turkish Daily News

I have just started reading Blink by Malcom Gladwell It was lying on the bookshelf, and I thought I might give it a try, after Mandy's interview.

Malcolm Gladwell talks about the decisions that we make in split seconds, and the conclusions that we make. He explores when snap decisons are good, and when they are not.

As an escort, I take notice of my first impressions and have been proved wrong in some cases. The job involves a high level of risk, and I do not want to be left vulnerable. It is important to make quick decisions to verify my clients, and avoid timewasters.

My security is essential, as I do not want to end up sleeping with the enemy.

I listen to the way potential clients speak to me, and evaluate them when we meet, as I want to avoid obsessive clients.

I sometimes get it wrong, however in most cases those snap decisions are useful, and have served me well.

I imagine that clients thin slice, to avoid bait and switch escorts, and escorts who rob them.

Labels: Black escort, books, Malcolm Gladwell, security, Thoughts

Mandy says What's a broke-but-fully-employed girl to do? Why, start selling her services, of course. Can it be done without losing husband, self-respect, etc? Only time will tell.

What is the first weblog you came across?

I came late to All-About-Me Revolution. I had a couple of friends with LiveJournals, and I first started reading Go Fug Yourself when my friend Power Girl told me it was hilarious. It is.

Why did you start blogging?

I had a Myspace, the usual this-is-what-I-think-about-the-world, here's-what-I-did-today, oh-wow-dryer-lint, no reason for anyone who did not know me personally to read it. I started exchanging views with a Myspace Friend (whom I still have not met) about sex and relationships, started whoring a bit around that time, and writing publicly was the natural place to go.

Right now, I am struggling with the relationship between writing and whoring – I am more prolific (and better) than I have ever creatively been before, and there is a worry that whoring is the necessary overall context in which to write. But there are emotional repercussions to sex work, and that is challenging.

Which blogs do you read?

I do not put anyone on my blogroll unless I read them regularly so those 27 are the ones I scan every other morning. My corner of the neighborhood is Tom Paine, La Fille Mariee and Gillette. For sheer style and consistency, the Fug Girls, Postsecret and Dan Savage are amazing, but I do not know if the latter two really count as "blogs".

What appeals to you about the blogs you read?

Funny and clever and something to say beyond who they shagged and when. I wrote (Mandy pronounces with great judgementalism )about reading through the Sugasm (a weekly list of posts from sex bloggers) and avoiding blogs that are only sex acts and their lead-up – I want power exchange or discovery or relationship, and a sexy story may be the way to tell that, but not another wank story with no context. I like it when an article makes me think enough to go write.

Whose writing do you particularly admire?

Edith Wharton – my husband was driving while I read House of Mirth in the car, and it startled him that I was weeping as I finished the book. She describes the actions, rather than the emotions of the characters, which involves the reader in experiencing the emotional life instead of being told about it. Malcom Gladwell is another favorite – Blink and The Tipping Point, the way he assembles thought about social activity. English mystery writers, especially Dorothy Sayers, the way a mystery must be constructed from the first page to inevitably lead to one conclusion. Terry Pratchett's social satire disguised as fantasy, brilliantly funny and devastatingly clever.

In your reading do you seek out different points of view?

Yes and no – I want to know what the enemy is up to, but I do not have the time and energy in my life to spend on agonizing about disagreeing. It has been hard for me to learn to accept that other people have diametrically opposed viewpoints, and it is not because they just do not understand. It is not my mission to correct them, or absorb their views. But I do like to get new angles and have my thoughts challenged on issues I am thinking about.

How do you choose items to link?

I have a blogroll that is only blogs I read often, that update often, and that have a quality of writing I can honestly recommend. I link to articles (on and off my roll) in the context of my posts if they inspired me or they have a different take.

What is your policy on comments?

So far un-moderated and delete the occasional spammer. I sometimes step in and request civility, but my readers are generally smart and well-mannered.

Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it?

I have not yet – there are those who advise, or disagree with a course of action, but no-one (knock wood) has been nasty or abusive. Things like that hurt me, though, so I am sure when it does happen I will delete, then go lie down. The illusion is that people know me by what I write, and I am extremely personal, but when it comes right down to it, they really do not know me personally, and how wounding can blind spite really be? God has already punished them; they have to be themselves.

Where do you find interesting links?

In the other blogs I read, by listening to public radio, and that my friends and readers send along.

Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?

My sweet post about rediscovering my relationship with Lover drew no comments, but the piece that agonized about saying no to a particular client drew many comments and a personal conversation with a reader with strong advice, as well as chat with Lover in real life. So trauma draws people online as well as off. That said, I can only write what really happens – sometimes it stirs something in people wrestling with a similar issue, compels them to respond. I am not deliberately "stirring things up" but I am dramatically constructing my narratives to evoke the strongest possible response.

How much traffic do you get?

Over eighty-three thousand unique hits since February 2007.

What is your rank on Technorati?

Around twenty-two thousand.

Has your writing changed since you started blogging?

Yes – more often, more of it, and the style is shaping itself. Non-fiction is definitely my favorite.

How many hours do you spend online a day?

Far too many! I try for about three but it is often five to seven. Research, email, and blogging start to add up. I am thankful to have friends to go to the gym with and an active "real life" job.

How much time do you spend on your site a day?

Not more than an hour – scan the blogs on the roll, post something, that is about it. Sometimes add some buttons or join a blogging resource. I write in a notebook that carries with me, transcribe and refine in Word and copy-paste.

How many blogs do you read?

I scan 30-50 and I care about 5.

How do you find new blogs?

Recommendations from others I read, links, and Googling on topics of interest.

How much reader email do you get?

Enough to make me feel special but not overwhelmed!

What do you think makes a successful blog?

Foremost, a unique style that suits, supports and enhances the material. It is how, not what is told. Frequent, well-written content relating to a subject of greater interest than just "this is my life," and an awareness of context. Like academic writing, you must demonstrate a grasp of the existing views and beliefs for your challenges or expansions to be taken seriously. As an example of a light-hearted blog that is nonetheless rigorous in background and research, The Fug Girls are not just writing catty opinions, they know what is going on in the socialite, entertainment and music worlds, they know what the fashions of the season are, they have an overall grasp of historical standards of taste and decency, and that's what makes them hilariously clever instead of just a couple of bitches badmouthing things they personally do not like.

What is your advice for a new blogger?

Write about things you really care about. But to make your personal crappy-crap relevant to the readers, take in information from your favorite sources and make notes about how to use it to round out your own ideas or as a starter for your own responses to a topic or idea. Connect your family life or your sex life or your creative life to ideas about the world, so that your personal experience becomes the illustration rather than the point.

Audit a creative writing class at your local college to experience reading and listening to other writers and thinking critically about what works. It is easier to pick out a problem and say, "Ohhh! That is why that does not work and here is how to fix it!" on early-career writers than with published, successful material. It is also good to get feedback on your own writing style and abilities. Sometimes the criticism is useful in unexpected ways – my pieces always got marked up by other students who thought I wrote run-on sentences. I do. On purpose. And hearing their feedback helped me realize that and use long phrasings better and more deliberately as a stylistic choice.

Write more than one draft – do not write directly to your blog or it will be sloppy and possibly a poor choice. Unless it is your style to use poor spelling and grammar (and very few people can pull that off), use good English and look up words you cannot spell. It distracts the reader from your point and diminishes the authority of your words every time there is an error of language. Use a Thesaurus to expand your vocabulary and give variety to your work, as long as they still sound like your words! Which is a larger point – the more you expand your own knowledge and understanding, the more range your writing will have while still being genuinely "you."

How has blogging changed your life?

Writing a really good post makes me feel good, and especially when I save up to write later in the day, it is something to look forward to. I have also met some very interesting people, on and off line. The biggest element is that I now am often writing my life in my head as I experience it, and that is sometimes great and sometimes a little terrifying.

What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?

Mine. Because I am a fucking brilliant writer on my good days and not a waste of time on the bad days.

(This is where I'm supposed to be all sweet and link to my friends – check them out at my blogroll).

Personal favorite posts on How About Now? are water-water-everywhere,

whore-sex-vs-not-whore-sex, and first-client.

What are your hobbies?

Reading, languages, and I adore cooking very traditional meat-and-two-veg meals. You should see me in my pearls and apron…

How has your blog changed over the years?

It has only been 6 months, but I got distinctly more literary around the middle of February, and have since tried to balance reportage and writing. My best posts are when a metaphor that I can really play with pops into the writing. It usually comes about a third of the way in and then I go back and revise with it in mind.

Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?


I do not even think about it – I like submitting to Sugasm and that has brought me a lot of readers as well as turning me on to blogs I would not have come across, but I am more about the regular readers than big traffic to a single post.

Do you have a background in writing?

Yes. I have a terminal degree in my field and I am published in a couple of other genres. Until I was in high school, I hated the physical act of writing, it hurt my hand, though I won prizes for stories and essays. Then I got into poetry and fiction and started enjoying it. I did not discover non-fiction until graduate school, and it was a huge realization – oh, that is what my travel notebooks are! I continue to write professionally in addition to my other pursuits.

When do you blog?

Ideas get jotted in my constant notebook, or on the backs of receipts if I am(rarely) out without one. I tend to formulate phrasings and the scope of a piece in my head while driving or doing work around the house, and then I compose the pieces in the morning, sitting in my library in my jammies with unbrushed teeth (very important) or in the evenings on my porch seat, ducking moths as it gets darker. My husband does not read the blog, so it is important to not shove it down his throat when I am writing.

With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?

The first time I was with a client and I detached myself from the situation to write it in my head as it was happening.

Would you read your site?

Damn straight. One of my reasons for starting was that it is the kind of thing I like to read, and Belle de Jour does not post a lot lately.

Thank you – what thought-provoking questions, especially about the writing process!

Mandy

Labels: Belle de Jour, Bloggers on blogging, books, Dan Savage, Escorts, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Gofugyourself, How about now, Interviews, La fille Mariee, Malcolm Gladwell, Myspace, Perverselypoly, Postsecret, Sugasm

The Daily mail has issues with Penguin. They say that Penguin are rushing out memoirs portraying prostitution as a glamorous lifestyle choice.

The head of the Metropolitan Police Clubs and Vice Unit estimates that at least 75 per cent of prostitutes working in London are foreign - and that as many as 14,000 women from across the world are working in the sex trade in Britain.

Now we switch to a smart drawing room where the latest bestseller is being discussed by keen readers in their trendy book club.

A stream of so-called Happy Hooker memoirs are spewing out of Grub Street and you won't find a trafficked woman in one of them.

What you will find are salacious confessionals by middle-class hooker hacks motivated as much by celebrity as acclaim among the literati.

We've had a clever girl slumming it with Belle de Jour, who led the way with her blog-turned-book The Intimate Adventures Of A London Call Girl, in which she chatted about her punters, lingerie and writing ambitions.

We've had desperate housewives, such as Dawn Annandale, who revealed in Call Me Elizabeth that she would rather sleep with men to pay the school fees than send her kids to the local comprehensive.

Of course, Aneta's is not a story you will find in the raft of prostitutes' memoirs being pumped out by publishers hellbent on peddling the myth that the Oldest Profession is a path to glamour and eroticism for a certain type of woman.

As the bodies of the brutally murdered prostitutes were being found around Ipswich last December, nubile Brazilian Bruna Surfistinha published Scorpion's Sweet Venom: Diary of A Brazilian Call Girl in the UK.

At 17, Bruna is only two years younger than Tania Nicol, the Ipswich Strangler's youngest victim, but how different are their lives.

Poor little rich girl Bruna decided the best way to upset Mum and Dad wasn't to dye her hair green but go on the game, though she calculated: "If I am going to be a prostitute, I don't want to be a run-of-the-mill one." Bully for her: at least she had a choice.

As Aneta and the Ipswich Five demonstrate, what Surfistinha contemptuously regards as "run-of-the-mill prostitutes" are women who live horrible, degraded lives, and whose freedom of choice is stolen with their passports and the descent into addiction the first time they are given crack cocaine by their pimps.

Not that stark reality penetrates publishers' minds.

This summer another author, the seductively named Miss S, joins Bruna and Belle in bookshops with Kinky Confessions Of A Working Girl.

Her editor Katy Follain, of that august publishing house Penguin, proudly proclaims Miss S is "one of London's top five escorts".

How she knows this is a mystery. Is there a FTSE for hookers? The Floosie 100, perhaps?

In an astonishing letter to promote Kinky Confessions, Follain writes that the book is an 'intimate diary' of Miss S's first year in a brothel, aged 21.

She took the job after a vacancy opened in her local massage parlour. Miss S likes the work so much she now runs her own business - whether it employs trafficked women, Follain omits to mention.

She does reveal: "This is her chosen career - she does it because she loves it, and her attitude to sex is empowering, fun and refreshing."

The book, Follain gushes, "will undoubtedly appeal to both curious teenage girls as well as bored housewives".

Teenage girls? What on earth is she thinking?

"Kinky Confessions stands out from the other sex memoirs," she burbles, "because everything in it is absolutely authentic, and will have huge credibility."

Not with me. If you want authenticity, consider that, according to the police, women in brothels are forced to service between 20 and 30 clients a day.

This is the reality of the vice trade, not books like Handy Hints for Hookers, Callgirl: Confessions of an Ivy League Lady of Pleasure, Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl or Concertina: The Life and Loves of a Dominatrix. It is far from the image promoted by the publishers of those literary offerings.

While Belle, Bruna and Miss S emphasise their freedom of choice, most sex workers are no more than slaves and there is nothing glamorous about the world they inhabit.

By peddling the myth of the middle-class call girl, these books perpetuate the insidious idea that inside every young girl and suburban housewife is a woman who regards sex as a commodity to sell.

What these memoirs also fail to acknowledge is the uncomfortable relationship between prostitution and paedophilia.

Belle and Co may be legal, but according to the Home Office as many as 75 per cent of all prostitutes begin their involvement in the trade well before their 18th birthday.

Many start as young as 12 after falling in with bad crowds - the average age of girls being pimped by young hustlers is 14 to 17.

Of the 84 trafficked women rescued from brothels in Operation Pentameter last year, 12 were under 17, some only 14.

Child prostitution is getting worse. From Gatwick to Glasgow, charities report a sharp rise in child abductions from care homes. Once snatched, the children are either trafficked abroad or forced to work in brothels here.

Up to 5,000 children are working as sex slaves in the UK, the Joseph Rowntree Foundation claims. As well as child exploitation, a disproportionate number of sex workers suffered appalling violence and sexual abuse as children, which was a significant factor in leading them into the vice trade.

The Home Office reports as many as 85 per cent of prostitutes suffered physical abuse as children, while 45 per cent were victims of sex abuse.

One woman, Severine, who works as an erotic masseuse, contacted me when I was researching this subject to say: "I did have a childhood that most people would consider emotionally abusive. I don't know if that's why I became a sex worker or not. It was probably part of it."

Severine's acknowledgement is borne out by other prostitutes and ex-sex workers I have met. A few years ago, a room mate of mine was a bright, sassy girl, who admitted to me she'd been a prostitute. She had also suffered horrific abuse.

Aged seven, she was raped on her way home from school. When she was 13 she was gang raped. Her parents were going through a nasty divorce, so rather than turn to them for help, she ran away.

On the streets prostitution was not her 'choice', it was her means of survival and memories of what she went through at the hands of punters haunted her into adulthood.

As a volunteer on the streets, I helped out with a welfare charity and discovered my friend's story was all too familiar.

None of the prostitutes I met had enjoyed happy, secure childhoods free from fear or abuse.

For girls not forced to sell sex by traffickers, heroin has proved the slave driver, as the victims of the Ipswich Strangler exemplify. The Home Office reports that 87 per cent of women involved in street-based prostitution use the drug.

Not a picture you find in the pages of Miss S and her bookish sisters.

Nor is the violence meted out to prostitutes reflected in these vice memoirs - Dawn Annandale alludes to one nasty incident, but it is nothing compared to the beatings meted out by pimps and punters most street girls experience.

Instead of the grim reality, we are peddled the tales of Bruna, Belle, Miss S et al, ready to spill their socalled secrets in return for a fat advance from publishers too busy reading their blogs to bother finding out what really happens in the vice trade.

Publishers who sell this nonsense claim it 'empowers' us girls, showing women sex workers in control of their sexuality and enjoying the work. If it's such a good job, why don't these publishers recommend their daughters take it up?

And if it is such great work then why do brothels use trafficked women to fill vacancies?

Because vice is not nice, which is why women do not choose it as a career.

The image of prostitution these writers promote is utter rubbish, a lie propagated about a profession that relies on coercion, rape, violence and drug addiction to recruit its workers.

For the sake of Aneta, my friend and the victims of the Ipswich Strangler, as well as the 5,000 child sex slaves working in Britain, it is about time publishers dug a little deeper when dealing with the Oldest Profession and stopped trying to sell us this pernicious nonsense.

Quotes from The squalid truth about call girl lit by Danuta Kean of the Daily Mail.

I agree that there are not that many books about trafficked women available.

I wonder whether that is because they do not sell that well?

I feel strongly about trafficked women, but does Danuta Kean feel that Penguin have a moral responsibility to educate the public about the issue?

What Danuta may not be aware of, is that some people who are traumatised, do not want to share their stories. They want to forget what they can,as soon as possible. Recalling or reliving the events, can cause a secondary trauma .So sharing your story, is not always therapeutic.

I have read Dawn Annandale's book Call me Elizabeth and I do not recall it being fluffy. The Daily Mail claim that the violent incident that Dawn mentions in her book, is nothing compared to what happens to streetgirls.

My understanding is that Dawn and Belle de Jour,who I have also read, write about their experiences.

Can they be blamed for not mentioning trafficked women in their memoirs?

They are free to write what they like, and what they experience, in my view.

I think what Danuta Kean fails to realise, is that what is happening in the publishing world, is no different to what happens on punter messageboards, and in the blogosphere.

How many threads do you see about trafficking on messageboards?

Miss S, is quoted as one of London's top five escorts, and Danuta Kean wonders whether there is a FTSE for hookers.

Well she needs to look at the charts on Punternet and Captain 69. Unfortunately, ratings are part and parcel of the industry. Some men are influenced, by these charts.

Danuta Kean, feels that these memoirs do not acknowledge the uncomfortable relationship between paedophilia and prostitution. There is a possiblity that the writers do not believe there is a link.

I agree with Danuta Kean.Trafficking is an uncomfortable issue that some people do not want to think about. The fact is it will not go away, and trafficked woman do not have a choice. I also do not believe that prostitution is a path to glamour.

I have a number of articles about trafficking, and the Ipswich murders on my blog.

The Poppy Project which is listed on my sidebar, is a good resource, for women who are trafficked.

Can anyone point me to any escort blogs, of women who are trafficked?

Have a good week!

Labels: Belle de Jour, books, Captain 69, Daily Mail, Dawn Annandale, Escorts, Hookers, News, Penguin, Poppy Project, Prostitutes, Punternet

I had a strange dream last night. I can remember my dreams the following day, but forget about them unless they are disturbing.

I have never had a dream that I was an escort. Well, last night I had a dream that I saw a client.

The weird thing is that he came to meet me with his daughter and bodyguard; who waited for him in another room until we were finished. His daughter paid me at the end.

Interestingly, in my dream, I was okay with this arrangement.

Outside of a dream state, this is definitely not a situation that I would like to find myself in. The prospect of a client's daughter waiting in another room, and paying me, is too much for my little brain to deal with.

The client had been ill, and wanted lots of hugs, and cried each time I hugged him. We did get to some other stuff as well, and he left me with a tip.

I have Memories, Dreams and Reflections by Carl Jung but have not got round to reading it yet.

I used to see a Homeopath. At the start of each consultation she would ask about my dreams,and how I felt about them.

Maybe it is time that I look into Carl Jung.I do not know what to make of this.

I am not making any attempt to interpret it.

Labels: Black escort, books, Thoughts

I am reading Men and Intimacy by Franklin Abbot at the moment.

I have come across an interesting quote.

If a man enjoys being tied to a post and then teased and tickled until he achieves orgasms, does society have a right to declare him "sick"? And what if the pleasure another seeks includes scarring and bloodletting, or the use of urine or faeces during sexual encounters? Who draws the line? When does deviance slip into madness? And who has the right to say when consenting "adults" have gone "too far"?

I am a vanilla girl,and have no experience of what he has mentioned, but I think he raises some good points.

Labels: Black escort, books

Today is World Book day. I am a bookaholic. At the moment, I have no more room for books in my flat. I just cannot help myself when I go into a bookshop, and always end up with something.

Here is the Guardian list of 100 books that you cannot live without. I have not read all the books on the list, but two of my favourites are on there.

What are your all time favourites?

Labels: books, guardian, world book day

I have just finished reading Why zebras don't get ulcers by Robert Sapolsky

It is a must read, for anyone who is familiar with stress. Robert Sapolosky is a professor of Biology and Neurology at Stanford University.

The book is not a light read, but explains in detail how stress can cause a number of problems eg changes in female reproductive cycles, loss of erection, heart disease,ulcers, loss of sleep and memory. The book is accessible and entertaining.

I found of particular interest the chapters on: what your body does to adapt to an acute stressor,how different personalities respond to stress, and the links between socioeconomic status and stress.

I had a boss from hell last year, and handed in my resignation, as I was so stressed out. It was a total wake up call, when I became ill.It was frightening realising that it was stress related. My doctor told me that I was fortunate to contact him when I did, as I would have had major complications.

I try to minimize the stress in my life as much as I can,now. Ideally, I would like to be stress free.

*dream on*

Escorting can be stressful, the timewaster phonecalls, and difficult clients that an escort can encounter.

Blueslady in her comments in the Responsible Reviewing post says

When I have seen clients who have been forceful to the point of making me gag or made my eyes water, or just made me darned uncomfortable, I have used the medium of ladies warning boards to inform others.

Of course we always have the other option of bringing the booking to an early finish and therefore indicating to said client that his behaviour is unacceptable, but usually one just puts up with it and watches the clock knowing there will not be a repeat performance.

The book mentions different levels of fear alert: concern, deep dread, severe apprehension, near crippling fright, and pants-shitting terror.

I depend on my intuition, to assess clients who contact me. If I have a feeling of concern or fear at the email or phone stage, we will not meet. If I have the same feelings when we meet, I have walked out.

As Blueslady points out, sometimes an escort is concerned when she is with a client, and she has a number of options. She needs to assess what is the best thing to do for her, when this happens.

Fortunately, when I walked into a situation that could have left me in the crippling fright stage, I was able to remove myself, in minutes. This is when I went on an Outcall, and discovered more than one person there.

Labels: Black escort, books, escorting, stress

I have just finished reading Six Years of Grace: Caregiving Episodes with My Mother

I would recommend it, and it will be added to my list of favourite books. Jennifer Sokol left a Carmelite monastery in Seattle, to take care of her mother after she had a stroke. Jennifer explores her relationship with her mother in her final days. It is inspirational, moving,amazing and sad; reading what she went through.

Her ability to be there for her mother round the clock is, remarkable. The moments that they share are, touching.Jennifer is able to draw on her faith, during the difficult times, and what is present between them feels sacred.

This was a tearjerker book for me, but it also had some funny parts. It was scary reading it, as my mother is over 65, and I could not imagine her being in the same situation. Jennifer's love for her mother grew stronger day by day, which is how I feel about my mother.



Glengarry Leads




I had expressed my sadness at the possibility of Glengarry Leads stopping blogging here.

I discovered yesterday that Glengarry has decided to stop blogging altogether. He feels he has no more to say. I enjoyed his blog, and he was one of my favourite reads. I have only been a part of the blogosphere for three months, but within that time I have formed relationships with some bloggers.

It feels weird, but I do feel a sense of community with some people. This is my first experience of losing a fellow blogger on the blogosphere, and I am sad. Glengarry had a lot to say, I believe. I respect his decision to stop.

I imagine that bloggers stop blogging for a variety of reasons. Most of us blog in our spare time, and if that time is no longer available, then you cannot blog.

I imagine that if bloggers are harassed by snoops, that can be another reason to stop blogging. I hope that Glengarry has not had to stop blogging because of harassment from readers.

Here is an article on stopping blogging by Giles Turnbull.

Labels: Blogging, books, Glengarry Leads

Blueslady, has inspired this post. She made a comment in the Frames of reference,victimisation and stigma post.

This is the bit that inspired this post.

"When I finally retire and fade back into obscurity, I will not regret what I have done, but perhaps I will reflect upon the effect my actions had upon others. We are not common en masse, at least we do have a respect for our bodies and charge for the privelege. Some women actually give it away, can you believe that :) "

I have given this some thought over the past few days. I am not sure where I am with regret. I think , I regret having to lie to those close to me. I am open with close friends and family, and this is one instance where being open would cause pain, and ruin relationships. I am not prepared to do that.

I do not feel that escorting is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know it is for some escorts. However, there are some things that I have learned via escorting, that I would never have been exposed to otherwise. I know that some of my attitudes and assumptions have changed, and that has been valuable for my own personal development.

I came across this yesterday.

From the Preface to a 1964 book, The Transparent self by Sidney Jourard

"A choice that confronts every one of us at every moment is this: Shall we permit our fellow men to know us as we now are, or shall we seek instead to remain an enigma, an uncertain quantity, wishing to be seen as something we are not?

This choice has always been available to us, but throughout history we have chosen to conceal our authentic being behind various masks. We usually assume that the other man is hiding or misrepresenting his real feelings, his intentions, or his past because we generally do so ourselves. We take it for granted that when a man speaks about himself, he is telling more or less than the unvarnished truth as he knows it.

We conceal and camouflage our true being before others to foster a sense of safety, to protect ourselves against unwanted but expected criticism, hurt, or rejection. This protection is purchased at a steep price. When we are not truly known by the other people in our lives, we are misunderstood. When we are not known, even by family and friends, we join the all-too-numerous "lonely crowd". Worse, when we succeed too well in hiding our being from others, we tend to lose touch with our real selves, and this loss of self contributes to illness in its myriad forms.

The curious thing to me, as a psychologist, is that we have not seriously questioned man's decision to hide rather than to reveal himself. Indeed, self-concealment is regarded as the most natural state for grown men. People who reveal themselves in simple honesty are sometimes seen as childish, crazy, or naive, as for example, in Dostoievsky's novel The Idiot, or Melville's Billy Budd. The uncritical assumption that concealment is the natural state for man, more natural than candor, has given rise to many stratagems for getting inside a man's defenses and pretensions. The stratagems run the gamut from attempting to get a man drunk to asking him to report his dreams or to indicate what he sees in some ink blots. Here, the assumption is that he will then, in spite of himself, give some hints of what he has been hiding.

Yet, recent experience and research is beginning to show that such methods of getting to know a person, or getting him to "open up" are unnecessary when a man wants to be known. Under these conditions, he will do everything in his power to make sure that the other person's image of him is as accurate as possible."

==================

Do you have any regrets as an escort or client?

Labels: Black escort, Blueslady, books, Regret

I noticed over the weekend that I had a lot of visitors from Margaret's site. I had a look, and lo and behold, my name had been mentioned. Thanks to my friend James B, no need to apologise James, you did not drag me in. I am clear about your intentions so do not worry.

This is Margaret's profile, she is a Humanist.

"I'm a grumpy old woman. I'd grow old disgracefully, but it’s tiring. That whooshing sound is my life, flying by while I procrastinate. I write, paint, draw, and let the ironing pile up until there's nothing left to wear. Where’s the pause button."

The post that I was directed to, was a response to this one.

This is the post that caught my eye,

"I’ll probably regret this…

In response to my post, "The Oldest Profession", someone calling himself James B Logwriter tried to post a comment that I rejected, but I've been thinking about it. He wrote,


I don’t really agree, because I don't think you know anything about prostitution, and you can't imagine working as a prostitute.
There are many different levels of prostitution, and it has a different significance in different cultures. Since I have written many thousands of words about prostitution on my own blog, I am not going to repeat here, but you might also be interested to read the blog of my friend Nia, who is a prostitute, and also a damn good writer.

I’d dispute the description of Nia as a “damn good writer”, but Mr Logwriter’s taste in writers (and other matters) is clearly very different from mine.

He said, “… you can’t imagine working as a prostitute,” but I can; I’d just rather not. Judging from Nia’s blog, her approach to prostitution might be safer than the street-walkers who’ve been murdered in Ipswich, but it’s still a dangerous game.

Anyway, I investigated Mr Logwriter’s blog, and his friend Nia’s, and several others that link to theirs. They make depressing reading.

In the BHA forum I referred to prostitute’s clients as “… generally emotionally inadequate, for a variety of reasons. They are also highly irresponsible, because most are unwilling to be tested or treated for sexually transmitted diseases - most HIV is spread by heterosexual activity, where men infect their innocent partners and, in turn, their children.”

One of the men who’ve contributed to the thread wrote,

What does “emotionally inadequate” mean? Inadequate for what? I’m not aware that there’s much known about men who frequent prostitutes - they are even harder to study than the prostitutes themselves. What are you basing this assertion on?
I meant that men who regularly pay for sex appear to lack the emotional wherewithal to deal with life as mature individuals, by failing to control their impulses and by treating women’s bodies as commodities. Do they regard prostitutes as different from other women, by deluding themselves that they’re more sexual? Or do they think that all reasonably attractive women are potential prostitutes? However they feel about women in general, their attitude towards prostitutes must involve emotional distance while engaged in sexual intimacy. If they can do this while using a prostitute, is it something they turn on and off at will? How do they relate to the other women in their lives?

Most of the humanists I know try to live ethically – they’re environmentally aware, they avoid doing anything that exploits other people or animals, and they buy fair trade goods. Prostitution isn’t a fair trade. It involves some of the poorest, most vulnerable women, who are manipulated, abused and trafficked in huge numbers. The call girls who are simply expensive prostitutes may say that they do what they do freely, but read what they say and tell me, honestly, that they’re well-balanced, happy individuals."

Margaret's response to some comments.

"Nia, I didn't imagine that you worked for anyone but yourself. However, your post "Trust, betrayal, vulnerability and security" describes a world where you have to be constantly on your guard. As for being "well-balanced"; I don't regard sex work as being psychologically healthy for anyone, however strong a case some "feminist" sex-workers may make. Feminism means the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of sexual equality, and the relationship between a prostitute and a client is essentially unequal.

It's a waste of time trying to achieve any sort of agreement with buyers of sex - I have no respect for them, and never will. Nathan mentioned "brick walls" when we last discussed the subject, very briefly.

The only prostitutes I've known were at the bottom of the heap (as most are). They sold sex for a variety of reasons, mainly poverty, and were definitely not happy hookers.

I've ordered the book by Julia O'Connell Davidson that Nia recommends, as well as The Idea of Prostitution by Sheila Jeffreys, which "explores the idea of men's entitlement to abuse and profit from the abuse of women in prostitution".


The women who've been murdered in my area were young street-walkers, so especially vulnerable. I've considered the argument about legalising prostitution, but the evidence so far suggests that it doesn't reduce the risks to women like them, or reduce all the associated problems with drug use, crime and sex trafficking

However many examples the contributors might offer of supposedly harmless transactions as sellers or buyers, the overwhelming evidence is that prostitution is an internationally destructive activity that exploits and degrades women.

It's unlikely that I'll allow any more comments on this post, unless they can refer me to reliable sources of information about the psychology of the buyers and/or projects that have successfully helped women escape the so-called "industry". (I know about the Poppy project)."

Why Whoremongering is wrong, Margaret's post

Reading Margaret's post raised a number of issues for me.

I feel strongly about what happened in Ipswich, as you all know, and have posts about it.I can understand some of what Margaret is saying, and her concern about what happened.I share Margaret's concerns about women who are coerced or trafficked into prostitution.

However there are a number of things I feel I need and want to make clear to my readers.

The majority of readers of my blog are lurkers, and rarely comment. I have no control over how you interpret what I write. However there are some things that I feel I need and I want to make clear to you.

I work independently, have no pimp, manager or boyfriend who shares my earnings.

2.Why I started escorting.

3. Do I find what I do degrading?

4. Writing my blog is a form of self expression for me. I know that there is a school of thought that believes if you are not an anonymous escort blogger, you need to portray your clients in a positive light at all times; or else you are doomed.

I do not fall into this category, and write about the difficult issues that I face with my clients. So, I guess I am doomed, right?

I am not suggesting that there are not escorts out there who have perfect,lovely, clients at all times. I have just not been that lucky.

Here is an interesting perspective from Mercurial girl. She is a paid companion, who I respect.

5. I need to be on my guard at all times, as any professional or service provider does who works one to one with clients eg doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, masseuse, reflexologist. Yes, the risks are greater with escorts, but other professions carry risks too.

6.Margaret has read some escort blogs that are linked to my blog, and James B's, and she thinks that we(the escorts) are not happy or well balanced.

I am interested in what form of assessment she used to define a healthy well balanced individual.

How does that fit in with Margaret's understanding of Humanistic Psychology?

I am happy for anyone to give me references, from any Humanistic Psychology texts, with regard to the Fully Functioning Person,that state that sex workers, escorts, courtesans, streetworkers, are dsyfunctional. Or that their behaviour is pathological.

I think if anyone were to make a diagnosis regarding an individual's psychological health ; they would need to have a full life history about that individual, gathered from their assessment.

I suppose I wonder how Margaret believes that I, and other escorts who are linked to my blog are unhappy and unbalanced, based on the limited information provided on our blogs.

I share some aspects of my life with my readers, and I do not blog about every aspect of my life here, for obvious reasons. That is my choice.

It reminds me of something that I read about learning to deal with grief cross culturally.

"Another source of understanding is the person or people we are trying to help. Whether they are American men who strive to control their tears or immigrants from the many cultures where people fear that the act of naming the deceased calls up a dangerous ghost, we must be constantly sensitive to their taboos and leanings. Our active curiousity and genuine interest are of the utmost importance. Asking someone to help us understand things in the way that people in their culture understand and experience them is a powerful way to learn what we need to learn.Learning their terms and working at using them properly can be helpful. We should not presume to teach them to feel "grief". It is not merely a matter of working among subtly different translations of the same terms. It is a matter of coming to grips with what may be vastly different concepts and vastly different explanatory systems and interpretative approaches. Those who live in the dominant US culture will never experience, for example, dealing with witchcraft as a cause of death, seeing the next baby born in the community as the reincarnation of the deceased, dealing with the deceased as a god, fearing being haunted by the ghost of the deceased because the proper death ceremonies cannot be performed in the United States, fearing the wind because it brings dangerous spirits-and on and on. We must be skeptical of what people tell us, but we must also be ready to leave our own culture to share in a world that is surprisingly different from our expectations."

Ethnic variations in dying death and grief, diversity in universality by Donald Irish,Kathleen Lundquist and Vivian Jenkins Nelsen

Something else, I read years ago, by two Psychiatrists about Black men who had been misdiagnosed by the mental health system in the UK. The chapter was on insanity and meaning.

"If we can show that the beliefs of someone who is possibly mentally ill are in fact shared by many other people does that explain them?

To accept that different communities have quite different expectations of normality carries certain implications. If we say, for instance, that a particular religous experience is abnormal, we are saying that societies in which it is a common experience contain a large number of unbalanced people or even that these societies are unbalanced altogether.

Every society has its own characteristic pattern of normative behaviour and beliefs. It has therefore to solve the threat not only of antagonists external to the group but also of those inside who may be deviant. If accepted patterns are to be seen as normal, we need a theory of abnormality. The solution is to include both normal and abnormal inside the dominant beliefs."

Aliens and Alienists by Roland Littlewood and Maurice Lipsedge

My point is that as we live we accumulate a continous set of experiences. Out of our experiences we develop a set of beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. These beliefs influence the way we construe our reality, and constitute our frame of reference. Our frame of reference shapes our behaviour which will probably elicit experiences consistent with our original experiences, and thereby help to reconfirm our original beliefs.

7. I now have a recommended reading list on my sidebar, that includes books from a cross section of women and men in the sex industry.

Julia O'Connell Davidson in her book Prostitution Power and Freedom, which is on the sidebar explores the issues that Margaret is raising.

Her research covers women at all levels in the industry. She talks about Desiree who is an Independent.

"Desiree did not enter prostitution from a base of absolute poverty. She owned her own home, she had no economic dependents and she had a job.To be sure this job held out little prospect of ever making her wealthy, but it still made her situation very different from that of , say, a lone mother living in a council propery run away from an abusive parent and who lives on the streets without any source of income.

A factor which I believe contributes to Desiree's power within her transactions is her own character and "career history". Desiree had a great deal more emotional and life experience when she started to prostitute than those individuals who, for various reasons, find themselves involved in prostitution in their early teens. It is also the case that Desiree is an extremely intelligent, well read, perceptive,assertive,charming and socially skilled individual, and these qualities contribute enormously to her ability to deploy her subjective powers to positive effect within prosititution-that is, to negotiate and enforce contracts on terms which suit her, and yet still maintain a stream of repeat custom.

When people have been brutally and unequivocally sexualized in the ways implied by sexual abuse and rape, they are likely to have a strong sense of themselves as nothing more than sexual beings for others, and so to view prostitution as one of the "options," or the only "option" available to them. But it is important to recognise three things about this. First, not all prostitutes have been sexualized in these ways. Several of the women we interviewed who who were involved in informal tourist-related prostitution in economically underdeveloped countries, for example had no prior history of sexual victimization. Economic desperation is enough, on its own, to drive people into prostitution. Second the experience of sexual victimization clearly does not and could not on its own cause people to enter into prostitution or to continue prostituting once involved in it. There are people who have suffered such violence and yet do not work as prostitutes, as well as people who have been raped and/ or abused who have worked as prostitutes and then exited from prostitution. Third it is far fetched(and dangerous) to attribute the complex set of choices that people make within the constraints that operate on them to a single, determining event or psychological factor. Barry bravely acknowledges the fact that she herself was raped(1995,p.252),for example, but I doubt that she would take kindly to someone interpreting the fact that she spent two decades researching and writing on prostitution as a form of sexual violence as a reflection of nothing more than her own personal attempt to come to terms with that event. It would be as easy to interpret Barry's work in this way as it would be to interpret Desiree's decision to remain in prostitution as a direct result of certain events in her life, but I think that in both cases such an interpretation is wrong."

My concern with Margaret, is that her beliefs, experience and knowledge seems to be based around streetworkers. She believes we are all the same,ie,victims, abused,exploited, unhappy, and psychologically unbalanced.

She has ordered Julia's book on my recommendation, and I hope it widens her perspective. I can only try !

There is diversity within the industry as I have pointed out in numerous posts. Before interpretations are made you need to look at a cross section of women in the industry. Differences exist amongst women who work at the same level.

This is definitely my longest post ever, have a good week!

Labels: Black escort, books, Margaret, Mercurial girl, Stigma, victimisation

I have just finished reading

Paying for it by Greta Christina

Greta says that customers often assume that sex workers lie to them.She says sex workers often assume that customers don't particularly care about them or their well-being. They often assume that most customers are out for as much they can get for as little money as possible, and that if a customer expresses caring or affection,it's a sign that he's a dupe or a nutcase or both, a self-deceived fool with an overactive fantasy life. And this assumption isn't always wrong, either. Much like customers in any business, sex work customers can often be deeply self-deceived and/or monumental jerks. They aren't always, but they can be. There's also a common assumption that the exchange of money is proof that sex workers don't care about their customers , and that in fact they hold their customers in contempt for being pathetic losers who have to pay for it.

The various contributors in the book, come from all sections of the industry. It is easy to read, funny and a guide that I would recommend to all clients.

James B Logwriter has some FAQ for clients, taken from his numerous, and varied experiences .

I have also finished reading The scent of dried roses by Tim Lott For anyone who has friends or family who is depressed, or suicidal this gives a moving insight into what it is like.It is moving, honest and sad. It also gives a detailed history of the working class background that Tim came from in Southall and Ladbroke Grove.

The Maytree organisation is also a useful resource that I came across for anyone who is suicidal in London.

I had a brush with suicide here.

Half my christmas shopping is done, and I have started on the cards, I am getting there.

Have a good week.

Labels: Black escort, books, James B Logwriter, Payment, Suicide

Today is World Aids Day. A reminder to all those bareback merchants out there. I have had clients who have asked me for bareback, and it continues to amaze me.All of them, are educated, but clearly education has no bearing on a person's understanding of unsafe sex.

Maybe they do not give a damn?

What infuriates me, is that just because these men are prepared to take these risks, why do they assume that I will do the same???

They are definitely in the minority, but still out there.

So Hiv infection in the UK rises to 63,500. It is back to behaviour change as the original thought that large scale treatment would reduce transmission has turned out to be an optimistic idea. The strategy for avoiding HIV/Aids is simple use condoms.

More information on this here.

Aids Pandemic gains new strength, more information in the article.

The latest UN report suggests hope about Aids is not entirely misplaced, have a look at the article here.

The UN Data for North America, West and Central Europe,have a look at the article.

One of the first books that I read about Aids, was

Days of Grace by Arthur Ashe


It was a very moving, sad, thought provoking book.

There are so many out there now, and they really give you some insight on how your life changes with this diagnosis.

You can help those affected by joining the Red Campaign or donating your old shoes to the Shoe biz appeal.

Protect yourselves.

Have a good weekend.

Labels: books, Economist, guardian, Safe sex

This is something that some of my clients say. There are several ways in which it can be interpreted. One of which is, that they want to make sure that I have a good time.

I feel uncomfortable when it is something that is said, as soon as someone has sat down, because I feel the pressure is on. Yes, I know I can fake it, and we know that lots of escorts out there do. The difficulty for me, is that I cannot come on demand, it is just not the way that I function. Each time I come, there is no particular thing, that I can pinpoint to, that made it happen. It just happens.

Julia O' Connell Davidson raises this issue in her book,

Prostitution Power and Freedom

She says "When a client expresses a wish for the prostitutes they use to achieve genuine orgasm, it seems to me that this too reflects a desire truly to possess the woman, rather than simply contract for her "services". Because they (wrongly) imagine that, if a prostitute orgasmed, it would be attributable to their own sexual performance, to evoke a genuine sexual response in a prostitute woman is seen as proof of having penetrated beyond the professional "facade". It is a victory over the prostitute woman because she is imagined to have lost control."

Belle de Jour covers the issue in her book on Page 94. She says "Regarding orgasms at work I don't. I don't equate number of orgasms with the level of enjoyment of sex, nor good sex with the ability to produce an orgasm. Let's be honest, this is a customer service position, not a self-fulfilment odyssey. They're paying for their orgasm, not mine. Plenty of the men- more than you might think-never even come at all. They never imply it's a failure on my part. Sometimes they're just after human contact, a warm body, an erotic embrace."

So no orgasm for me does not mean that you are crap. It is not about me evaluating your performance, even though that is what you may want me to do.

Labels: Belle de Jour, Black escort, books, Escort orgasms, Julia O'Connell Davidson, London

What does this mean?

Is she an Ice queen?

Is it about an escort keeping within her boundaries?

There is a section in

Live sex acts by Wendy Chapkis

One of the sex workers, describes the boundaries that doctors, firefighters, psychiatrists need to keep in place, to do their work. Her view is that as an escort if you do this, it is somehow not acceptable, or your clients do not like it.

This is from

Sex work writings by women in the sex industry by Delacoste and Alexander


Peggy morgan an exotic dancer says

"The macho insecure types need more. On some level they know what a great equalizer prostitution is, and they are not satisfied with a simple business transaction. Not only do we have to work at getting them off and making them feel good, but we have to put up with their clumsy, grubby hands pawing our bodies-and pretend to enjoy it. It is not that these customers really want to please a woman-most of the time these are the same ones who will argue about money or make a fuss about having to pay up front. They simply want to feel power over the whore, who is by implication of her class and gender someone beneath them."

It is difficult to gauge what each individual client wants or needs, as I have raised in the guessing game.

Some clients want some conversation, and want you to be friendly, and some clients want to get down to action as soon as possible.

I had a client who did not want me to say a word, when we met. He cringed any time, I spoke. The conversation consisted of a few words, hello, thank you, and directions to the bathroom.

It felt really weird initially, as he was someone that I saw frequently, and I usually ask clients how they have been. Some small talk is necessary, for me. However, after a while it did not matter. He was a lonely man, who lacked social skills, and never initiated any conversation, and clearly did not want any.

It is so tricky, because if you are chatty, you can be accused of talking too much, and wasting valuable time, and if you say nothing, you risk being labelled as too professional. The other disadvantage around being friendly, is a client picking up the wrong signals, and believing that there is more to the relationship.

There have been debates about some of these clients on other messageboards.The men who want action asap, who are also known as men who want you to meet them with your knickers round your ankles . Or they are also known as men who just want to empty their tanks, and are usually advised by women on other boards to go to brothels.

So what is too professional in your view?

Or

What is it for an escort to be unprofessional?

I have just come across this on another messageboard. I tend to check my email at work.

Does anyone have any infomation on the legal position in the UK?

Labels: Black escort, books, escorting, Professionalism, security

I got an email from Mr Swot yesterday. He has been reading the blog and he thinks my sentences have more stray commas than you can point a big stick at. He suggested that I buy a copy of

Eats shoots leaves by Lynne Truss

I think Mr Swot was having a bit of a stickler moment, you know shock/disbelief and then ,I must tell Nia about her punctuation. I told him I had a copy of the book, and had bought it when it came out. I had not read it, as so much of my life involves reading for other stuff, and it has not been a priority. I told him I had an A level in English, and he asked to see my certificate, when we next meet!!!!! I was not aware that he was a member of the Punctuation protection society, but he clearly supports them.Mr Swot I have started reading it, so bear with me,please.

Yesterday I was listening to Choice FM, and could not believe my ears. A sixteen year old boy, had his father charged for assault for dragging him out of bed in the morning. I mentioned this to J, who is my favourite cab driver, when he came to see me. J has a great sense of humour, and is a straight talker, which is what I like about him. He told me that if that boy had been his son he would have ******* thrown his ass out! I have to agree with him. Do not get me wrong, I feel very strongly about child abuse, however I do not think this was the case. J told me that if he could not get up, his mother used to pour a bucket of water over him ! J is from Grenada. My mother was not so harsh. She gave me two chances, and then would put a wet flannel over my face, which would get me up in no time.


It would never have occurred to me, to call the police when she did this, and say that I had been assaulted. In fact where I come from, the police would have laughed, and probably suggested that I go to the local mental hospital. One thing that I do know, had I been able to take out an assault charge on my mother, is that I would definitely have no home to go back to.

Maybe someone out there can help me. You get charged for assault for dragging your child out of bed in the morning. You also get prosecuted if your kids lie in bed all day and do not go to school.

These are definitely changing times.

Where is the logic?

Labels: Black escort, books, clients, Thoughts

Welcome to my blog. This is my second attempt at writing, and I am going to try to stick to it now.

It has been a strange week. A friend lost a sibling to suicide, and she is devastated as you can imagine. What can you say?

Suicide is one of the most complicated forms of grief,for those who are left behind, who are left constantly asking why it happened, and looking at all the ways in which they could have prevented it from happening.



For anyone out there who is in this situation there is a support group, which is really useful that I discovered.

The Survivors of suicide bereavment support group.

Here is some further reading for those of you who are interested, if you can stomach it!

The suicidal mind by Edwin Shneidman

It is an academic text but very useful.

The rest of my week has been spent trying to dodge dog poo, and I have not found it amusing. Why is it that the dog owners, cannot pick up after their dogs??????

Have a great week.

Labels: Beginnings, Black escort, books, Suicide