Friday, December 29, 2006
Reflecting on the highs and lows of 2007
I was approached by someone who is a leader in my field, to do some joint work next year. I cannot believe that he would even consider me to work alongside him; and am very anxious about how things will pan out.
I was asked by five individuals to act as a mentor/coach for them,in their work, which was great. It has been challenging, but rewarding.
I met Jo in February, for the first time, and we saw each other every day she was in London. We then met again, and were able to catch up when I went to Leeds in the summer. I wish she lived in London, as I value her friendship.
I am grateful that I was able to fly home for my mother's big birthday, taking her away and planning her surprise party. Watching the tears in her eyes, and laughter as everyone came out singing and dancing was unforgettable.
I am amazed at how many people read my blog, and that I have a loyal group of readers that return daily. Discovering that some bloggers added me to their sidebars, and linking to some of my posts without me requesting it, is very flattering. Thank you, you all know who you are.
Changing my dentist, and receiving an astronomical bill for all the work that he did.
Losing some work from one of the organisation's I work with, and having to face a drop in income.
Doing some joint work with a colleague, who I had doubts about, who turned out to be bonkers, and trying to prevent the whole thing being a disaster.
Trying to work out some issues with someone who I manage, who was challenging. The organisation recognised that her behaviour was unacceptable, and she was eventually moved to another team. A stressful year, having to deal with her antics, but I now have her off my back.
Having my knickers stolen by a client earlier this year, which was part of a favourite La Perla set.
Finding out that my colleague has Cancer, a year to live, and hearing how traumatic it was for her telling her children.
I am an Amazon associate. Items purchased after clicking a link on this site generate a small commission. Thank you for supporting me.
Big thanks to all my readers.
Big thanks to
James B, who I need to take on for my marketing, your cheque is in the post James
The Petulant pooner
Thank you all for your support while I have been on the blogosphere.
I need to do some serious decluttering over the next few days, so my next post will not be until January 2nd.
Wishing you all good things for 2007, and all that you wish for.
Stay blessed,from a lapsed Catholic!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
I declined the request, but was tempted. The issues for me were again around boundaries. It is not something that I would feel comfortable with at all.If I applied to work for an organisation, and realised that a client was a member of the staff team, I would leave.
You come across so many different types of professionals as an escort. I have to admit that at times, I wish I could use the services of some of my clients, but I do not feel it is appropriate.
I have heard of an accountant who does the books of all the escorts he sees. I have seen an optician who offered to check my eyes, but again I refused.
I know that some escorts sometimes put messages on boards offering their time in exchange for certain services, ie plumber, interior design,gardening.
Have any of you been in a similar situation?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Happiness, luxuries,necessities and exclusivity
A girl has to have a break at some point, right?
I managed to catch up on some reading too, and came across an article on happiness, which got me thinking.
The things you never knew you wanted
Capitalism, it notes, is adept at turning luxuries into necessities-bringing to the masses what the elites have always enjoyed. But the flip side of this genius is that people come to take for granted things they once coveted from afar. Frills they never thought they could have become essentials that they cannot do without. People are stuck on a treadmill: as they achieve a better standard of living, they become inured to its pleasures.
Capitalism's ability to take things downmarket also has its limits. Many of the things people prize-such as the top jobs, the best education, or an exclusive home address- are luxuries by necessity. An elite schooling, for example ceases to be so if it is provided to everyone. These "positional goods", as they are called, are in fixed supply: you can enjoy them only if others do not. The amount of money and effort required to grab them depends on how much your rivals are putting in.
The joys of niche capitalism
Ossified societies guard positional goods more, not less jealously. A flourishing economy, on the other hand creates what biologists call a "tangled bank" of niches with no clear hierarchy between them. Tyler Cowen of George Mason University points out that America has more than 3,000 halls of fame, honouring everyone from rock stars,and sportsmen to dog mushers,pickle-packers and accountants. In such a society, everyone can hope to come top of his particular monkey troop, even as the people he looks down on count themselves top of a subtly different troop.
Here is the full article Happiness and (how to measure it)
I was catching up on some reading on one of the messageboards yesterday, and came across a thread that raised some of the issues in this article. An escort, who is considered a celebrity on the board had raised her rates to 750 an hour. It turns out that she does not do hourly appointments, but had reduced her minimum time, while she was in London, and hiked her rates. You can imagine the debate that followed. This escort looks fabulous, and has something that makes most men who see her, fall head over heels in love with her. Any mention of her name on the board, causes a lot of commotion, and leads to threads being closed.
Different points were raised by members who had seen her. Some would see her again, some felt her current rates were out of proportion. The agency stated the hike in rates was because she wanted to reduce her volume of clients. There was some acknowledgement that her rates would be pocket change for some members.
Something on the thread that interested me, was a point from a member who I tend not to always agree with, but he has been around for a long time, and books women from every sector of the market. Women in brothels and £750+ escorts.
His point was that this escort is not exclusive.
Exclusive escorts do not advertise through public websites making themselves available to virtually anybody who can stump up the cash. Many people can afford her rates and have done so over these last few years, quite obviously. You only have to read her numerous reviews. The fact that they are publicly available to so many others selects against that. His idea of exclusive, rare and unique is not a lady who two nights ago was probably banging the guy who cuts his hair.
His view was that if a lady has a good reputation it is followed by rates that are massively loaded, and we need to recognise that there is a degree of hype that drives her rates.Rather than her just being a one in a ten thousand exclusive courtesan unlike most others. The whole web escort scene is affected by hype to an extent, where the ordinary become the special.
I think the man has a point.
The escort in question has more than 52 reviews, can she still be exclusive?
She will see anyone technically who can afford her rates.
The beginning of the year is usually the time, when rates go up. Someone had mentioned that there is a two part value system. Anything above £300 an hour used to be about providing a different type of experience. Apparently this is debatable now.
There are numerous women who charge £300 an hour at the moment, unlike before. As these women like and need to market themselves as exclusive, quality, companions, I believe they may need to review their rates, to remain at the top of their monkey troop.
We cannot have the exclusive set in there with the rag tags, can we?
What is your idea of exclusive?
Here are some dictionary definitions of exclusive from dictionary.com
6. charging comparatively high prices; expensive: exclusive shops.
7. noting that in which no others have a share: exclusive information.
10. admitting only members of a socially restricted or very carefully selected group: an exclusive club.
It is a bit like the Louis Vuitton bag that is everywhere, so not exclusive.
So do you believe that seeing an escort,companion,courtesan is a necessity or luxury?
Friday, December 22, 2006
Just have to finish the food shopping today.
I tell myself every year, that I will try and spend the bare minimum, but somehow never manage to achieve that. My bank balance is feeling it at the moment.
I find that most of my friends and family have different narratives about Christmas, that do not always fit with my template. There are lots of "oughts" and "shoulds" within the narratives.
Hopefully I will manage to chill out and relax over the next few days. This is something that I like to do, but others usually prevent that from happening.
I will not post again until the 27th, so have a happy holiday !
Thursday, December 21, 2006
People Power and choosing friends
The internet can be better at corrections than old media. A fix can be attached to an error where it occurs, and many online denizens pride themselves on confessing missteps faster than their print and broadcast counterparts. But the internet can also be worse - online, errors can spread wider faster and take on a longer half-life. I wish we had a technical solution - that everyone who linked to an incorrect article could receive an alert and correction.
Should blogs subscribe to a code of conduct? I don’t think so (and neither does Toulmin). Again, blogs are mostly just people in conversation and I don’t wave a code when I talk to my neighbours and friends; I know that my integrity rests on my credibility. On the other hand, when I argue that bloggers who commit acts of journalism should enjoy the rights and privileges of professional journalists, how can I say that they should not suffer the same regulation? Well, for me, that’s easy, because as an American first amendment absolutist, I bristle at any attempt to regulate speech.
And I do fear that in their efforts to protect truth, legislatures, courts and self-appointed industry watchdogs could chill speech in new ways. If the people fear retribution without the legal resources that the owners of presses have, they will either shut up or hide behind the anonymity the internet allows. That would be a tragedy.
We need to recognise that the internet alters how media operate. Blogs - whether written by professionals or amateurs - tend to publish first and edit later, which can work because the audience will edit you. In this medium, stories are never done; rather than turning into fish-wrap, they can grow and become more factual and gather new perspectives, thanks to the power of the link and, yes, the correction.
An interesting post by Jeff Jarvis, read more, for the full story.
I am not comfortable with blogs subscribing to a code of conduct. I write what is on my mind.
Why should that be restricted?
What do you think?
Time magazine's "Person of the Year" awards were started in 1927, since when there have been some pretty dodgy winners, Hitler among them. They clearly should not be taken too seriously, other than as a subject of mild end-of-the-year controversy. The 2006 winner, though, has troubled me for reasons that go well beyond mere dissatisfaction with the verdict. The winner was "You" - that is, us - and to make sure we got the message, when we look at Time we see ourselves in a mirror embedded in the cover. Actually, the You is not quite all of us, merely those of us who have contributed to the growth of the internet and all it contains - for instance blogging and participating in YouTube, MySpace or other "user-generated" sites.
Time's editor, Richard Stengel, commented: "You, not us, are transforming the information age." That was a profoundly depressing statement, as was the fuller citation explaining the reasoning: "For seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game ..."
The misguided and misleading use of the term democracy in this context, and the manifestly incorrect claim that You have conquered the professionals, are bad enough. But my main objection is wider. The Time award and the reasons for it promote what I believe to be one of the most pernicious and disturbing philosophies of our age, extolling the cult of what is often patronisingly referred to as the "ordinary" person. I emphasise immediately that if I use the word "ordinary", it is in quotation marks - it is not to suggest inferiority or any comparison with an elite of extraordinary people. The philosophy I object to, which the internet's information explosion has fostered, is that the "ordinary" person is as - no, even more - important to the dissemination of knowledge, information and opinion as the expert or the professional.
It manifests itself in various ways, here and elsewhere. South Korea has a news website, OhMyNews, that uses "citizen journalists" to provide most of its material. It has some 40,000 non-professional contributors; they are, of course, untested and unvetted, their submissions unchecked, their motives unknown. The reader of the website can have no idea about the accuracy of the information on it; yet it is one of the main sources of news for South Koreans. Nor can entrants into the social network sites for the young, such as MySpace, have any real idea of the genuineness, truthfulness or hidden motives of their fellow joiners; and it is impossible for the web's operators to monitor who registers. Not surprisingly, meetings engineered over the internet have caused anguish and tragedy as well as happy associations.
Then there is the proliferation of - though they don't yet call them that yet - "citizen reviewers". Hardly a newspaper here (this one included) is free from readers' opinions on the holidays they have taken, restaurants they have dined at, films they have seen and so on; it seems that no cultural or leisure activity escapes being assessed by "ordinary" people.
A few months ago the usually reliable Routier Guide to good, honest, affordable English eateries folded. People were no longer buying such guides, we were told. Instead, they searched for places to eat on various websites carrying accounts by people who had chosen to make public their dining experiences. A favourable opinion on a website by, say, a DS of Bristol (who may well be, a recent survey revealed, the chef using a pseudonym) takes precedence over a balanced review of a meal by a trained, independent inspector.
How long can it be before professional critics and reviewers - people who know what they are talking about, who perhaps have had years of experience in their field - are jettisoned in favour of "ordinary" people's views? After all, the expert costs money; the amateurs come free. Why do we need our own film/restaurant/book reviewers when hundreds of cinemagoers/diners/readers are only too anxious to tell us what they think? But Time's assertion that those working for nothing are "beating the pros at their own game" is nonsense. They are providing a different service, an opinion based not on expertise and experience, but on their less tutored feelings. I am not saying that the amateur's view is less legitimate than the professional's; but it should not be given some sort of mystical prominence.
Looking at the information revolution as a whole, the greater participation by You has been a benefit. But the movement is losing its sense of proportion. It has become too successful, too cocky. The role played by those who possess special talents, skills, knowledge, training and creativity should not be undermined by the desire to include the remainder.
We all deserve an award this year says Time Magazine. But what's so great about "ordinary people". An article by Marcel Berlins of the Guardian newspaper.
I can see what Marcel Berlins is saying. However, these days when I go to restaurants, on holidays, or to hotels. I tend to read reviews by professionals, and ordinary people. I have sites like trip advisor really useful. I can see that Marcel is saying it has become too cocky.
I wonder whether the professionals are feeling threatened by the ordinary people?
In this industry there are no professional experts. I guess there are people on review boards who write multiple reviews, who are respected by some, as they are prolific reviewers. However, they are ordinary people in my view. I would not consider them experts.
The internet has changed the way in which I work. I have used paper advertising, on one occasion, and it did not work. The internet seems to enable easier access, in my view.
I have witnessed clients on messageboards start threads on escorts, which are pretty negative, and the escort has either retired, or come back reinvented. The speed in which information can be shared, and disseminated is amazing. I agree with Jeff Jarvis, if the information is incorrect, who will edit. On review boards, or messageboards, it can be really political, and some people do not stand a chance, and in effect, their business is affected. It may be that some members have clout, and are able to say what they want, when they want.That is the part that I have difficulty with, sifting out the truth.
In all the kerfuffle that surrounded the arrest of Tom Stephens this week, there was a certain inevitability to the media locating his profile on the social networking website MySpace. Before the page was closed down, it was possible to see that, alongside Stephens's professed admiration for Hong Kong Phooey, he boasted eight online "friends" including the MySpace administrator, Tom. Yesterday, those eight "friends" were already attracting attention, and acquiring all manner of unpleasant comments on their sites. It was, perhaps, a cautionary tale of friend-making in MySpace.
For the uninitiated, MySpace friendships work a little like this: you have your own MySpace profile, which details your hobbies, interests, photographs and videos and has links to your "friends'" profiles. People become your "friend" by submitting a friendship request to you, or vice versa. Some of these requests will come from people you already know in the real world. Others will be sent by strangers. They may want to be your friend because they are, in a broad, sweeping manner, asking everybody to be their friend. Or they might have read your profile and identified you as a likeminded soul who shares their love of Five Star. Either way, you can approve, deny, or simply ignore any friendship requests you get.
How do you know who your "friends" really are? An article by Laura Barton of the Guardian.
I read this article, and it made me think. I get so many requests from other independent escorts to be included on my links page, on my professional site. My policy, is that I will only link to people that I have met, or consider friends.
I read on messageboards that some members will not write reviews, because they have major fears of being traced, if something were to go wrong, and it would get back to their wives. Clearly, if you use a handle, and email address that is not connected to your real life, I imagine it would be hard to be traced.
An example is with the recent Ipswich arrests, phone records were traced, and the individuals were contacted.
What is your view?
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Or is it?
I had a conversation with Beau yesterday.We were discussing how we thought most men in the UK, would not be happy to submit information about where they worked or even show you their ID.
Clearly if it is an Outcall, they have no option, but they do not necessarily have to tell you where they work.
I know a few women who ask clients for copies of their driving licence or passport, for Incall, but they are in a minority.
My understanding is that Incalls are more popular than Outcalls, in the industry, in the UK. I think part of this is because the clients, have less risk of being exposed this way.
Are the different verification approaches, mainly due to the different legal systems, or does culture have something to do with it?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Trust, betrayal,vulnerability and security
Reading his profile, he was friendly with all the women, and knew them well.It came as a surprise to me, and it did not. It reminded me of the times, I have seen parents on TV who have missing children, appealing to the public, and then we find out they killed their children. Most date rapes are carried out by people who know their victims.
It is worrying, and in this industry, creating personal relationships with escorts and clients can be detrimental. It is sad, because the work can be isolating, and I find it helps to have someone to share your concerns with, and to be there as support.
As I mentioned in the payment upfront post , I have had regular clients who have conned me.
I think there is something about human nature, that waits until you feel secure in a relationship to attack.
I see it and hear about it all the time, in and out of this industry. It could be a colleague at work that you have confided in, who wants your job, and uses information that you have told them in confidence, to threaten your job security. It could be a close friend, who gives information to your partner about you. It could be an escort who is a friend, who gives information to a mutual client that they do not need to. The lists are endless.
I tend to give most people the benefit of the doubt, and my mother always told me that I should not trust anyone. She has friends and employees who have let her down countless times. I have learned the hard way.
I could not function in the world without trusting anybody, and know people who do. I imagine it would be too stressful for me constantly watching my back.
In this industry there is a need to take precautions on both sides. The disgruntled client, who becomes a stalker, or who wants to expose you in some way. The escort, who comes to visit you on Outcall,and has your name, address, where you work, and harasses you. Nevertheless, people still do form relationships with escorts and clients.
I had a conversation with Mr Swot last week, and he said, he rarely has girls come to see him on Outcall. He has been warned by other hobbyists, johns,punters, pooners, whoremongers, whatever you would like to call yourselves, that it is very risky.I can see his point of view.
It is a dangerous world that we live in.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Naming,defining,pointing the finger, marketing, misrepresentation and semantics
Is there a difference between a prostitute,escort,courtesan,paid,elite or luxury companion?
This seems to be an ongoing debate on the messageboards, and escort and client blogs.
I think that there are expectations and assumptions attached to the terms used.
So far this is what I have picked up.
There is very little difference between an escort and courtesan.A courtesan is supposed to see fewer clients than an escort but is not exclusive.
A prostitute provides private time ie sex and nothing more, is incall and provides hourly bookings. A prostitute is payment by service.
An escort provides private and social time.An escort is outcall only.
Some believe that if you do not provide a six hour minimum, then you are not an escort.An escort is payment by time spent.
What I find interesting about some of these arguments, is that a lot of women that I know in the industry provide hourly, and multiple hour bookings. So they are prostitutes and escorts, in this case.
I believe that an escort can be a courtesan, and use the two on my site, and know a number of women who do.
There are those who argue, that if you do hourly bookings, then you are not an escort or courtesan.Interesting, having read the biographies of Veronica Franco, Harriette Wilson, Cora Pearls and Catherine Wilson, there was no indication that the men who saw them, had a time limit. Men came to see them for short and long periods of time, and visited them at home,ie incall.
Did that take away how they were perceived by others?
There are arguments that state that you cannot define yourself as a courtesan,as that is only something that can be given to you by your clients.
Prostitution is exchange for sex for money whichever way you look at it. I do not know how to break it to the people who are really hung up on definitions, but in a court of law, what you call yourself , would not make a difference.You will go down with everyone else.
Most clients,punters,johns,suitors,gents, and joe public, whatever you want to call them, believe there is no distinction.
I do not deny that there are upper and lower ends to the industry. My understanding is with an escort or courtesan the assumption is that you will be with a woman who is socially skilled,well read, intelligent, knows how to conduct herself in public, would not embarass you at a restaurant, could pass as a girlfriend with your colleagues,who is skilled at massaging your ego, and someone who you would be quite happy to introduce to your mother!
My understanding is that in brothels, and with streetworkers, there is a variation in the services/experiences that are offered.
I remember reading a review recently where a client booked a high class companion. This is up there as the worst review this year, that I have come across. He spent a fair amount for an overnight with this classy companion. What happened that evening was far below his expectations. She got terribly drunk, aggressive and loud at the restaurant. He had to coax her out, back to the hotel. She fell asleep on arrival, and when he woke up in the morning, she had wet the bed!
Is this how one behaves at this level? Her idea of being a classy companion was at complete odds with what her client wanted or expected.
Okay, I know a number of women who are glamourous, intelligent,well presented and from their reviews provide an excellent service/experience, who charge high prices. This was just an example. There is good and bad at every level.
I recognise that there are negative connotations with the words prostitute,hooker and whore. We know what images are portrayed in the media.
I do not know of anyone who uses the word prostitute on their site. Maybe hooker and whore on adultwork and craiglist, but then I imagine you attract a certain type of client with that terminology.
Does it really matter what someone is called?
Can anyone tell you how to define yourself?
What gives them that right?
Who are these so called authorities who tells us how we should define ourselves out there?
If you are comfortable in your own skin, does it really matter how you are perceived by others?
What title do you use or choose to use?
Have a good week.
Different viewpoints on what is happening in Ipswich
But he doesn't like to think of himself as just another punter. "It was just one night after my relationship finished, I ended up in the red light district," he says.
I really have nothing to feel guilty about an article by Esther Addley of the Guardian newspaper.
This week has seen the conclusion of an inquiry into another tragic death of a young vulnerable women in which accusations, many of them absurd, have been made, not least by one of the newspapers listed above. Pointing fingers is a dangerous game. We can argue about what the best way is to deal with drugs and with prostitution, although both debates have been largely sterile recently, but assigning blame should be a complex procedure.
We do not know the man, or men, who is, or are, carrying out these murders in Suffolk. We do not know what motivates or drives them. We do not know if they are driven into a frenzy by reading regular outpourings of bile about permissiveness in some of our daily newspapers, or by constantly seeing pictures of famous drug-takers in those publications. And Moss and Doherty didn't ask their "friends" to rat on them to the press.
When the perpetrator is finally caught, we can hope to learn some lessons, but one lesson that need not wait for it is that, very sadly, there are murderous people at large now, as there were in the last century and the century before. And we do a disservice to the victims by trying to drag them from the murder scene to display them casually as exhibits for our personal moral prejudices.
These bilious outpourings an article by Duncan Campbell of the Guardian newspaper.
I am sure there is more to come.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
I have decided not to see him again. He has a way of making me feel flustered before I get there, the constant phone calls asking where I am.I know it is the coke, but it is still annoying.
I got there, and he extended our time, which is the norm. I think he gets paranoid, if he is left alone when he is on drugs.
He had paid me upfront, but then wanted to call his dealer, and realised that he did not have enough cash on him. He asked me for some money back, and would get some more later.
You know where this is going. This guy is not short of cash. I know where he works, and he is a major player in his field.When I read about him in the papers, and how well he is doing in his field, I smile. However, he has issues. He begged and begged,in his usual style and said he would get some more cash, so I gave him back some of the money.
I know, I know, why would I take that risk when he was so high?
I have been seeing him for over a year, several times a month, and this has never happpened.
When my time was up, he gave me his ATM card, with his pin number and told me to go and withdraw the money, and come back and give him the card.
I was not comfortable doing this, and told him to get the money, which he would not do.
If I had taken his card and withdrawn the money,how was I to know that he would have any recollection of the events, when he woke up the next day?
So, I left, and have decided I will not see him again. He is not worth the hassle.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Controllable Laughter Managing Sex Work Through Humour
I tend to get on well with clients who have a sense of humour, and it tends to make a difference to the meeting, for me.
One of the reasons why I get on well with Jo, is because she makes me laugh. She does not intend to, but rarely do I have a conversation with her without laughing.
Teela sanders has sent me another interesting article, on humour.Thank you Teela,for allowing my readers to have access to these articles, as I am aware they are not available to the public.
She analyses the nature and prevalence of humour as a coping strategy in the sex industry.
Uncontrollable Laughter Managing Sex Work Through Humour by Teela Sanders
Does humour make a difference to you as an escort or client?
Friday, December 15, 2006
Update problems with comments again
Some stuff is coming through, and some is disappearing into cyberspace. If you have the patience, just keep trying.
Thanks for letting me know.
For those of you who know me, I am sensitive to peoples emotions, and tend not to be hard hitting when I need to get a point across. Nevertheless, there comes a time when things need to be said.
I find it awkward when I see clients who have bad breath, or their personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired. I offer all my clients a shower when they arrive. Some will say they have already had one. That is fine, but what some men do not realise, is that if they have been to the toilet since they had the shower, piss tends to linger on the penis, in some cases. I find this can be the case for men who are not circumcised, and it tends to be just under the foreskin,where you may find other bits too. It is hard when someone is insistent that they are clean, and you can see that they are not.
The breath issue, is problematic too. I tend to avoid kissing in these cases, because I start to feel ill.
I find it hard to raise the issue, although I have done, because of the fragile male ego. It could kill the whole experience for them, but then they are not going to have much fun with me if they are not clean. One of my friends tends to drink a lot of red wine, during the booking so that it kills any bad taste for her.
I have a number of friends who have no problem whatsoever raising the issue.
There are several ways of saying things:
"Would you like some mouthwash?"
"Do you really think I will give you a blow job when you smell like that?" (hard hitting but it has to be done).
"I think you need a shower."
"Your breath hit me as I opened the door, and if you want to kiss, you need to use the mouthwash". (not very polite, but he was insistent)
I know that hygiene can be a problem on both sides. I have read reviews where clients complained about escorts hygiene, but did not confront them. I guess they felt awkward too.
What do you say to clients or escorts who have these problems?
This is article by Catherine Bennett from the Guardian newspaper. She raises some interesting points.
Although detectives are unlikely, these days, to make regrettable comments about "innocent women", they are still happy to use the kerbcrawly, Punternet-approved term "working girls" to describe the Ipswich women. Is this usual practice? You do not hear them pubicly allude to "matey", say, or to "toerags", where other offenders are concerned.
Thus encouraged, the media have followed suit. Every-where in the past week, reporters referred to "working girls" - that is, when they were not describing the women as simply "girls" or "vice girls" or "hookers", as in the Mirror's "Hooker No 2 Found Dead", or "tarts", courtesy of the Telegraph's Simon Heffer.
Elsewhere, less festering, but still pointed, distinctions have repeatedly been drawn, between the state of these ruined, "destroyed", "pockmarked" losers, these specialists, in case you could forget, in "selling sex" and that of the more wholesome - and, you infer, more mournable - women they might have been. Curiously, for these women with no careers, the most significant thing about them is thought to be their careers. You would think they were Nicola Horlick, not prostitutes. But that they were prostitutes cannot be said often enough.
Only in the last couple of days was it revealed that the prostitutes left behind not just prostitute-shaped spaces, but bereaved children and friends, siblings and parents. One dead prostitute, it was mournfully pointed out, is survived by a sister "living a normal life", ie, not a prostitute.
The Ipswich killings have exposed attitudes to prostitutes that haven't progressed in centuries.
Have a good weekend.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Why don't they stop?
The message from the team investigating these murders, was that it is not safe for any prostitute working indoors or outdoors in the UK at the moment.
The streetworkers risk their lives by working on the streets to buy drugs. Some women were still going out on the streets yesterday. They said they were working because they needed the money.
It seems that their addiction is stronger than their will to survive. It is very sad.
Apparently there are 79,800 prostitutes in the UK at the moment(source Euro pap UK), and 95% of them have drug habits. (Source Home Office)
There seems to be a suggestion to hand out heroin to the streetwalkers until the killer is stopped.
An additional problem is that the police are seen as adversaries rather than protectors by the streetworkers.
A zero tolerance policy will not work in this age of market forces.
Fiona Mactaggart feels that it is more appropriate to tackle demand, drug addiction and the poverty that women who go on the streets face. Target the men who buy the services. She hopes that a strategy can be put in place to reduce supply.
Apparently, some good work has been done with children who are at risk of going into prostitution. Tackle demand, and help women to leave the industry. It is not easy for women to leave the industry as there are not enough support systems in place. She believes by policing more effectively the men who buy the services, may help.
Esther Addley from the guardian writes about a woman who went to work her patch after the suffolk murders.
Earlier this week, I had a conversation with a woman who used to work as an escort. She worked over thirty years ago, and still carries a lot of shame around what she did. However she recognises, that she did it at the time to feed her children. Once she achieved her goal she left the industry, and had no desire whatsoever to return. She cut ties with everyone who was part of that life at the time. She felt that things were different now. She notices now that some women do not leave the industry despite having achieved their goals, and could not understand why. She could not understand why someone would want to continue to work as an escort indefinitely.
I did not know what to say to her, but my short answer was the lifestyle and the money.
I hope that I am not working five or ten years on from today. I hope to be out before then.
I know several women who have worked for more than twenty years, and continue to work. It is a lifestyle choice for them. I can only think of one woman, within this group, who has a life and career outside of escorting.
A view from the other side, Glengarry tell us why he stopped.
He also answers my question of whether it was worth the money.
Why do you continue?
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Problems posting comments
Some readers have had problems posting comments to my blog, too.
The problem lies with the blogger software,grrrrrr.
I am not ignoring any of your comments, and if you can, just keep trying.
Anxiety.mortality, and stigma.
She is probably in her mid to late forties, but had gone grey overnight. That is why I could not recognise her, and she had cut her hair. What was to follow, was very distressing. She has been diagnosed with Cancer , and has been given eighteen months to live by the oncologist. I was fighting back the tears, as she told me her story, and the rest of the day, I felt low.
My philosophy in life, is that death is inevitable, however we never know how we are going to go, or when. I have had a number of friends and relatives die, over the past few years, including my father. Some of them have died in accidents, had heart disease or cancer. I have friends and family who have cancer, too.I am feeling emotional as I write this, because there is a part of me that feels that I should be able to come to terms with it. I remember how I felt when I got the phone call, saying that my father had died, and how everything became a blur, thereafter.The flight back home. I will always remember the day I went to the morgue to see him.
However, when I saw my ex colleague a few days ago, it shook me up in a big way. A number of issues came up for me, around how uncertain life is, and it is something that I grapple with daily. The fear of losing those close to me, which has happened and continues to happen.
Then I watched the news yesterday and felt for the women who were missing, and dead.
Paul Lewis of the guardian newspaper writes:
Don't go out alone women told.
One sex worker, who gave her name as Suzy, who knew at least one of the murdered prostitutes, said neither she nor her colleagues would heed the warning to stay off the streets. She said they were unlikely to approach police. "With Christmas coming up we don't have the choice to stay off the streets," she said. "The police make it sound like it's our fault if we get attacked."
She added: "Two women I know recently reported attacks. One was hurt badly, but police did nothing. They told her there was no chance it would come to court. That attitude gets around and so other women don't come forward. You have to ask how many women have reported violence and nothing was done?"
A serial killer is on the loose, yet these women still feel that they need to go out and work. I cannot believe it.
Why are they not concerned about their safety?
Another article by Paul Lewis of the Guardian newspaper.
Police warn prostitutes to stay off the streets.
He believes the killer uses his local knowledge to conceal the body for long enough to destroy forensic evidence, but still ensure that his crimes will be discovered, which could be an important motivation for him.
"He is clearly organised and clever. He is unlikely to be obviously weird because the prostitutes are getting into the vehicle with him."
Prostitutes made easy targets, he said, because of the nature of their work. "If a guy is smooth and hands over the money and she is comfortable, she is likely to take him somewhere away from cameras, nearby. She will protect him by doing this. That's when he kills her."
The murderer is likely to be white, because killers tend to select targets within their own racial group, he said. He is also likely to have a history of violence, but not necessarily convictions.
"It is not at all an impulsive crime to pick someone up and kill them and drive a distance away with a body. He would have to feel comfortable and not panic. There is also a drive he has got - to kill in such a short space of time."
Karen Mcveigh of the Guardian newspaper writes:
Killer is probably white, in his late 20s or 30s with local links.
The murder of one sex worker rarely makes headlines. Two within days, and in the same part of the country, will begin to attract the attention of the press, but it is only when the magic words "serial killer" can be used that the story is likely to make the front page. Those conditions were fulfilled at the weekend when police announced the discovery of the body of a third woman in woodland in Suffolk. Yesterday two more women were reported missing.
Deep-seated prejudices are at work. The press can never quite decide whether murdered sex workers are tragic victims, like any woman targeted by a serial killer, or have chosen a lifestyle that means they are partly responsible for their deaths. It is a mindset which actively gets in the way of tracking down the killer, and one simple point needs to be shouted from the rooftops: most men who kill sex workers do it not because they hate prostitutes, but because they loathe women full stop.
Joan Smith of the Guardian newspaper writes:
Prostitutes deserve as much sympathy as any murder victim.
The parents of the two girls who are dead were not aware that they were prostitutes. This does not come as a surprise to me. What upsets me is having to take that on board,as well as their children being murdered. I am aware that the type of death an individual is faced with complicates the grieving process. It becomes more complicated when the bereaved cannot talk about the death, because of the stigma attached to it.
The majority of us are not open about what we do. The last thing I would want, if I were to die in these circumstances, is for my mother to be given that information.
I have clients who have heart disease, who are all under forty! Some who have had numerous strokes, and I worry about something happening to them, while they are with me. I have had a conversation with one of my client's and asked him what he would like me to do if anything were to happen. He told me that he wanted me to call an ambulance, and then leave. I see him, when his wife and kids are away.
This is one of my greatest fears, as well as being caught in the act, which I raised yesterday.
Last year I read an article about a client dying after he saw an escort. I hope I am never in this situation, and feel I would be reduced to a giberring wreck. The police and journalist were quite sensitive, and I believe the escort called the client's wife!
I have heard that a lot of men would love to go out on the last stroke.
A related article from BBC news.
Woman quizzed on ex AM's death
I would rather whoever found me, just came up with a story. What story I do not know. If I was conscious I am happy for a client to call a friend or family, if I am unable to do it myself.
I watched the news yesterday, and thought I need to think about what to do, if anything were to happen, and to think about how those close to me would be affected.
What would you like a client or escort to do, if you were to have an emergency during a booking?
How would you want the discretion issue to be handled?
Bear in mind that the person may have passed out, before you can ask them who you can call.
Do you ever envisage a time, when you will have these types of discussions with clients or escorts who you see regularly?
I am happy that I had the discussion with my client, and feel less anxious when I am with him. This does not take away the fact, that I could be reduced to a gibbering wreck if it were to happen.
Make the most of the life you have while you can.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
The risks that clients who see escorts take, and getting caught in the act
Why would anyone want to take this risk?
If the kids woke up what would my client have said to them?
It is one thing to go to a client's house, and the wife and kids are out of town. This is usually the case when I go on Outcalls to client's homes; but to have the kids at home is very risky. Some clients take discretion seriously, but clearly others do not give a damn.
An escort friend had an early outcall on a Sunday morning. The wife and kids were at church. Surprise, surprise, wifey came home early. Fortunately for my friend, the client had huge grounds, a back entrance, and cottages for the staff. She ran out the back, in her bra and thongs to the waiting cab.
Another escort friend, went on an outcall, the client's wife was out for the evening. He told my friend that his wife was having an affair, and he knew about it. He was unhappy about the situation, and was booking my friend for revenge. He had children asleep, upstairs too. My friend saw no harm in this. She feels he was lonely and unhappy, and she filled a small gap in his void.
I read Mercurial girl's post a few days ago, and she got caught in the act. My heart goes out to Kim.Thank god it did not get ugly. The story is different, but the issues are similar.
Most men want to keep their relationships intact, but taking risks like this is bound to rock the boat?
What do you think?
Monday, December 11, 2006
Payment upfront please
I can see where he is coming from. I have had some negative experiences with some regular clients, and am not prepared to leave payment till last. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until I am proven wrong.
I had two regular clients who intentionally short changed me, and who are now blacklisted. I think what some men do, is wait until you have developed a certain level of trust with them, and you are unlikely to believe that they would con you, and use this opportunity to do so.
As Jeanette Angell mentions in her book, and which I raise here a sure thing is not a sure thing until your money is in your pocket and you are out the door.
Mr Swot told me that whenever he pays upfront, the performance of the escort is poor, and when he leaves it till last he has a better experience. This is his experience, and is true for him.
I think what some clients need to bear in mind, is that you could be perceived as high risk if you do not pay upfront. I actually resent having to ask a client for payment. I rarely do, in fact in most cases, the envelope is handed to me, before the client sits down.
Why should I have to ask?
Okay, there are have been occasions when I have not been paid upfront and it has been okay. Sometimes the conversation has been so riveting, that I have forgotten.
However if I am not paid upfront, and leave it to the end, and the client pulls a fast one, who can I blame,other than myself?
I have read countless threads on messageboards of escorts being conned, and frankly I am not prepared to take that risk.
I have been bitten by regulars who I thought were okay. Unfortunately not every client is as honest as Glengarry Leads.
Have a good week.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Hitting below the belt how they name and shame prostitutes and their customers in China
As part of a two-month crackdown on vice in the cityof Shenzen, public security officers hauled about 100 women and some of their customers through the streets on November 29. Handcuffed and wearing yellow prison tunics, they attracted large crowds of onlookers. Although women tried to cover their faces with surgical masks, it was not enough to hide their identities because police revealed their names, home towns and dates of birth while publicly sentencing them to 15 days in prison.
In a sign of increased consciousness of individual v social rights the police were criticised for going too far."
My heart goes out to the people who were paraded on the streets of China. If that were to happen in the UK, the parade would be enormous.
What I find unusual, is that customers were part of the parade. Most of what I have read on crackdowns involves the providers being taken in, not the clients. Well, this is how they do it in China, sheesh!
Jonathan Watts of the Guardian newspaper writes:
Chinese anger at humiliation of prostitutes.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The clip joints in London and the dupes who use them
A hostess got murdered a year ago, by a disgruntled punter.
I imagine most of the naive men who use them are tourists. A high cost to pay for adult entertainment.
It looks like the council are trying to crack down on them, but some reopen after having been closed down.
Here is the article Sex and the city the clip joints and the church school.
Has anyone out there ever been to these clip joints?
Friday, December 08, 2006
Paying for it
Paying for it by Greta Christina
Greta says that customers often assume that sex workers lie to them.She says sex workers often assume that customers don't particularly care about them or their well-being. They often assume that most customers are out for as much they can get for as little money as possible, and that if a customer expresses caring or affection,it's a sign that he's a dupe or a nutcase or both, a self-deceived fool with an overactive fantasy life. And this assumption isn't always wrong, either. Much like customers in any business, sex work customers can often be deeply self-deceived and/or monumental jerks. They aren't always, but they can be. There's also a common assumption that the exchange of money is proof that sex workers don't care about their customers , and that in fact they hold their customers in contempt for being pathetic losers who have to pay for it.
The various contributors in the book, come from all sections of the industry. It is easy to read, funny and a guide that I would recommend to all clients.
James B Logwriter has some FAQ for clients, taken from his numerous, and varied experiences .
I have also finished reading The scent of dried roses by Tim Lott For anyone who has friends or family who is depressed, or suicidal this gives a moving insight into what it is like.It is moving, honest and sad. It also gives a detailed history of the working class background that Tim came from in Southall and Ladbroke Grove.
The Maytree organisation is also a useful resource that I came across for anyone who is suicidal in London.
I had a brush with suicide here.
Half my christmas shopping is done, and I have started on the cards, I am getting there.
Have a good week.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Making a connection
Mr Cockroach contacted me a year ago. We had arranged to meet last year, but he cancelled. He confessed that he chickened out. I still have not found out why. There was something about the way in which he made contact, that made me aware that I was dealing with a gentleman. The first phonecall, followed by an email a few hours later giving me some information about himself. The email was not one of those lengthy I am a CEO, with properties, in Switzerland, the Grand Caymans, and Monaco, and very successful type emails; but more this is who I am. Mr Cockroach is successful but clearly did not feel the need to send a lengthy email telling me that, as some clients do.
He says he was intrigued, and had been reading my reviews, and decided to make contact this year. He does not live in the UK. Both times that I have seen him, he has been jetlagged, but has insisted on seeing me.
The first time we met, he was nervous, but calmed down after a while. I did not realise how nervous he was the first time, until he mentioned when we met again, how he had not taken in how cosy the flat was.
After our first meeting, he sent me an email as soon as he arrived back home, to say that he had enjoyed our time together. There have been several phone calls since, and numerous emails. It felt okay, because the contact did not come across as stalkerish in any way. It was more, how is life treating you.
I saw Mr Cockroach earlier this week. He is such a warm, kind,charming,funny gentleman. I am a sucker for charming, funny, kind gentlemen. He could not stop showering me with compliments. I have a problem with positive feedback generally, as it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I sometimes think that it is fake. It is something that I am working on. I told him to stop paying me compliments, and pointed out that I was not his girlfriend or wife, and there was no need to do so. He got quite upset, and said, that I needed to learn to accept positive feedback, which is true. I guess I was just concerned that he may feel that is what I need. I know some escorts, and women, who need constant validation to feel good, and I just wanted to make it clear to him, that I was different.
There are certain points of our meeting this week that I will not forget, the conversations and laughter, before, during and after. Mr Cockroach is a big softie.
He loves to hug, and so do I. I was doing cowgirl, and at one point he asked me whether I was, and then asked what reverse cowgirl was, and then asked what cowboy was, and we burst out laughing.
While I was going down on him, he asked me what my overnight rates were, and whether it was okay to ask. Well, I do not discuss rates over the phone, but while I had his member in my mouth, that was okay by me, in between the licking and sucking. We both started trying to figure out when we would have free slots in our diary this week. This was in between the oohs and the aahs. It was hilarious, and we were giggling.
Mr Cockroach, then proceeded to tell me that I had no idea what a blowjob was like, because I did not have a dick. This is true. I asked him to try and explain, which he did with difficulty, in between the oohs and the aahs. More giggles.
He was almost at the critical moment, and someone just happened to walk by the flat window, and was having a conversation on his phone, and shouted "C'mon man!" . We could not help ourselves.
Our conversation varied from my lack of a penis, to politics within organisations, to difficulties that we have with our siblings, and living on sandy beaches.
He gave me a huge tip, and had before. It is not necessary, but I appreciate it.
Mr Cockroach does not see me as just an escort. He can see beyond that.He is interested in all the different facets of my personality. I warm to him. Just in case you have not figured that out by now.
I think it is the way he treated me, that has left an impression. He is the sort of man that I envisage would be extremely difficult to hold rigid boundaries with. I think the problem would be on my side, not him pushing my boundaries, but me finding it difficult to keep things in place. He knows what makes me tick, and we have only met twice. Another client to add to my no hassle/no problem/good list.
Unfortunately, not all the clients I meet are on my good list. I am amazed when I read about escorts who say they have no difficult or problem clients. I wish I could say the same. So far, the good outweigh the bad, and when the scales shift, I am outta here.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Expectations and Assumptions
I assume that Firstimers will be nervous and not clear about what they want or need.
I expect my regulars to behave, and assume they will not push the boundaries, which does not always happen. Most of the time they are a joy to be with.
I assume that clients who contact me, and tell me what their handle is on messageboards will be hard work. I assume they may ask for discounts, because they are prolific reviewers. I have read that some threaten girls with negative reviews, if they do not get their own way. Fortunately, none of this has happened to me.
I assume and expect that clients who have been recommended by friends will be okay.
Do you have any expectations or assumptions?
Do you think a client would react differently to an escort that he was seeing as a reward, as opposed to an escort that he saw regularly for stress relief?
Do men have different expectations of escorts who are Independent, Agency, well reviewed, not reviewed, very expensive and standard rate?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
LA Player has tagged me, which means I need to come up with six weird things about myself.
1. I used to sleepwalk.
2. My hands start to shake if I drink anything with caffeine in it.
3. When the soles of my feet start to itch, I am in for a bout of bad luck.
4. I got caught having sex with my boyfriend on a beach in the tropics at five am in the morning, by security, years ago. *Oh those were the days*
5. When I go for job interviews, and am really nervous, my eyes start twitching.
6. I read a friend's palm as a joke, and everything I told her was true. She freaked out, and no longer speaks to me, as she thinks I can read her mind.
I now have to tag six bloggers. I am tagging Compartments Latin Siren , Mercurial girl , Scarface, Beau and Blonde bohemian.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Women, meanwhile brag by reflection. They construct conversations that reflect well on them, so other women can see the successful context in which they're modestly living. It's a more complex type of bragging and needs longer conversations.
One of the measures of whether a thing is worth doing is if you feel the need to brag about it. Bragging shows that perhaps you did not get as much out of it as you were hoping.
Bragging can be counterproductive. Saying you make the world's finest fairy cakes will have people secretly spitting them out into handy pot plants. Saying that your fairy cakes are rubbish will have people praising them to the skies and forcing them down even when they taste like pot plants. The British do not allow bragging unless they do it for you.
Last month I read a post on the messageboards, someone had submitted multiple reviews. It was funny, because he seemed to be in two different parts of the UK within an hour. Now either it was a typo on his part, or he moves very fast! The number of women he had seen within a space of a week was amazing.
It looked like a form of bragging to me. In fact, some reviews come across as bragging.
Do you ever read reviews and feel the writers are bragging?
Here is the full article on bragging.
Have a good week.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Showing my face
What are these men thinking?
As all my photos on my site are blurred.
Why would I send unblurred photos to a total stranger?
I am curious, could someone try and help me understand what the people who email me are thinking?
Mr Swot tends to only book escorts who have unblurred photos. He told me he took a huge risk with me.
I wonder why?
I guess if you have had a number of experiences where the person you see disappoints, it is safer to see someone who has unblurred photos.
Most of my clients say they come to see me, because my photos are blurred.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Do you remember
I have a pretty good memory, but when I am stressed out, it does fail me. I had a client Mr Scandi, who I had seen before. I saw him once or twice a year, when he was in the UK, and each time I saw him, he did not realise that he had seen me before, until after the act.
I found this hilarious, as I do not look any different.A few pounds here and there, and a hairstyle change :).
I have a friend who has had a similar experience, but her client realised that he had seen her, after he left.
I read about clients on messageboards, who are suprised that escorts remember their names. I think if you are seeing lots of new clients, it is challenging to remember everybody, unless you keep records.
Some of my regulars call me up, and are surprised that I remember who they are.
Is it that difficult with regulars??????
Do you remember the names and faces of everyone you see?
Friday, December 01, 2006
Maybe they do not give a damn?
What infuriates me, is that just because these men are prepared to take these risks, why do they assume that I will do the same???
They are definitely in the minority, but still out there.
So Hiv infection in the UK rises to 63,500. It is back to behaviour change as the original thought that large scale treatment would reduce transmission has turned out to be an optimistic idea. The strategy for avoiding HIV/Aids is simple use condoms.
More information on this here.
Aids Pandemic gains new strength, more information in the article.
The latest UN report suggests hope about Aids is not entirely misplaced, have a look at the article here.
The UN Data for North America, West and Central Europe,have a look at the article.
One of the first books that I read about Aids, was
Days of Grace by Arthur Ashe
It was a very moving, sad, thought provoking book.
There are so many out there now, and they really give you some insight on how your life changes with this diagnosis.
You can help those affected by joining the Red Campaign or donating your old shoes to the Shoe biz appeal.
Have a good weekend.