Friday, December 15, 2006
Giving feedback
I got a letter from work(non escort related), and my heart sank. One of the women that I manage is due for an appraisal. She is fairly new, but has very low self-esteem. There are a number of issues that I need to raise with her, with regard to her areas of development. What worries me, is that whatever I say, she will not take it well.
For those of you who know me, I am sensitive to peoples emotions, and tend not to be hard hitting when I need to get a point across. Nevertheless, there comes a time when things need to be said.
I find it awkward when I see clients who have bad breath, or their personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired. I offer all my clients a shower when they arrive. Some will say they have already had one. That is fine, but what some men do not realise, is that if they have been to the toilet since they had the shower, piss tends to linger on the penis, in some cases. I find this can be the case for men who are not circumcised, and it tends to be just under the foreskin,where you may find other bits too. It is hard when someone is insistent that they are clean, and you can see that they are not.
The breath issue, is problematic too. I tend to avoid kissing in these cases, because I start to feel ill.
I find it hard to raise the issue, although I have done, because of the fragile male ego. It could kill the whole experience for them, but then they are not going to have much fun with me if they are not clean. One of my friends tends to drink a lot of red wine, during the booking so that it kills any bad taste for her.
I have a number of friends who have no problem whatsoever raising the issue.
There are several ways of saying things:
"Would you like some mouthwash?"
"Do you really think I will give you a blow job when you smell like that?" (hard hitting but it has to be done).
"I think you need a shower."
"Your breath hit me as I opened the door, and if you want to kiss, you need to use the mouthwash". (not very polite, but he was insistent)
I know that hygiene can be a problem on both sides. I have read reviews where clients complained about escorts hygiene, but did not confront them. I guess they felt awkward too.
What do you say to clients or escorts who have these problems?
This is article by Catherine Bennett from the Guardian newspaper. She raises some interesting points.
Although detectives are unlikely, these days, to make regrettable comments about "innocent women", they are still happy to use the kerbcrawly, Punternet-approved term "working girls" to describe the Ipswich women. Is this usual practice? You do not hear them pubicly allude to "matey", say, or to "toerags", where other offenders are concerned.
Thus encouraged, the media have followed suit. Every-where in the past week, reporters referred to "working girls" - that is, when they were not describing the women as simply "girls" or "vice girls" or "hookers", as in the Mirror's "Hooker No 2 Found Dead", or "tarts", courtesy of the Telegraph's Simon Heffer.
Elsewhere, less festering, but still pointed, distinctions have repeatedly been drawn, between the state of these ruined, "destroyed", "pockmarked" losers, these specialists, in case you could forget, in "selling sex" and that of the more wholesome - and, you infer, more mournable - women they might have been. Curiously, for these women with no careers, the most significant thing about them is thought to be their careers. You would think they were Nicola Horlick, not prostitutes. But that they were prostitutes cannot be said often enough.
Only in the last couple of days was it revealed that the prostitutes left behind not just prostitute-shaped spaces, but bereaved children and friends, siblings and parents. One dead prostitute, it was mournfully pointed out, is survived by a sister "living a normal life", ie, not a prostitute.
The Ipswich killings have exposed attitudes to prostitutes that haven't progressed in centuries.
Have a good weekend.
For those of you who know me, I am sensitive to peoples emotions, and tend not to be hard hitting when I need to get a point across. Nevertheless, there comes a time when things need to be said.
I find it awkward when I see clients who have bad breath, or their personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired. I offer all my clients a shower when they arrive. Some will say they have already had one. That is fine, but what some men do not realise, is that if they have been to the toilet since they had the shower, piss tends to linger on the penis, in some cases. I find this can be the case for men who are not circumcised, and it tends to be just under the foreskin,where you may find other bits too. It is hard when someone is insistent that they are clean, and you can see that they are not.
The breath issue, is problematic too. I tend to avoid kissing in these cases, because I start to feel ill.
I find it hard to raise the issue, although I have done, because of the fragile male ego. It could kill the whole experience for them, but then they are not going to have much fun with me if they are not clean. One of my friends tends to drink a lot of red wine, during the booking so that it kills any bad taste for her.
I have a number of friends who have no problem whatsoever raising the issue.
There are several ways of saying things:
"Would you like some mouthwash?"
"Do you really think I will give you a blow job when you smell like that?" (hard hitting but it has to be done).
"I think you need a shower."
"Your breath hit me as I opened the door, and if you want to kiss, you need to use the mouthwash". (not very polite, but he was insistent)
I know that hygiene can be a problem on both sides. I have read reviews where clients complained about escorts hygiene, but did not confront them. I guess they felt awkward too.
What do you say to clients or escorts who have these problems?
This is article by Catherine Bennett from the Guardian newspaper. She raises some interesting points.
Although detectives are unlikely, these days, to make regrettable comments about "innocent women", they are still happy to use the kerbcrawly, Punternet-approved term "working girls" to describe the Ipswich women. Is this usual practice? You do not hear them pubicly allude to "matey", say, or to "toerags", where other offenders are concerned.
Thus encouraged, the media have followed suit. Every-where in the past week, reporters referred to "working girls" - that is, when they were not describing the women as simply "girls" or "vice girls" or "hookers", as in the Mirror's "Hooker No 2 Found Dead", or "tarts", courtesy of the Telegraph's Simon Heffer.
Elsewhere, less festering, but still pointed, distinctions have repeatedly been drawn, between the state of these ruined, "destroyed", "pockmarked" losers, these specialists, in case you could forget, in "selling sex" and that of the more wholesome - and, you infer, more mournable - women they might have been. Curiously, for these women with no careers, the most significant thing about them is thought to be their careers. You would think they were Nicola Horlick, not prostitutes. But that they were prostitutes cannot be said often enough.
Only in the last couple of days was it revealed that the prostitutes left behind not just prostitute-shaped spaces, but bereaved children and friends, siblings and parents. One dead prostitute, it was mournfully pointed out, is survived by a sister "living a normal life", ie, not a prostitute.
The Ipswich killings have exposed attitudes to prostitutes that haven't progressed in centuries.
Have a good weekend.
Labels: guardian, Ipswich Murders, Life, News, Prostitutes, Prostitution laws, Streetworkers, Thoughts
