Saturday, January 06, 2007
Regret
Blueslady, has inspired this post. She made a comment in the Frames of reference,victimisation and stigma post.
This is the bit that inspired this post.
"When I finally retire and fade back into obscurity, I will not regret what I have done, but perhaps I will reflect upon the effect my actions had upon others. We are not common en masse, at least we do have a respect for our bodies and charge for the privelege. Some women actually give it away, can you believe that :) "
I have given this some thought over the past few days. I am not sure where I am with regret. I think , I regret having to lie to those close to me. I am open with close friends and family, and this is one instance where being open would cause pain, and ruin relationships. I am not prepared to do that.
I do not feel that escorting is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know it is for some escorts. However, there are some things that I have learned via escorting, that I would never have been exposed to otherwise. I know that some of my attitudes and assumptions have changed, and that has been valuable for my own personal development.
I came across this yesterday.
From the Preface to a 1964 book, The Transparent self by Sidney Jourard
"A choice that confronts every one of us at every moment is this: Shall we permit our fellow men to know us as we now are, or shall we seek instead to remain an enigma, an uncertain quantity, wishing to be seen as something we are not?
This choice has always been available to us, but throughout history we have chosen to conceal our authentic being behind various masks. We usually assume that the other man is hiding or misrepresenting his real feelings, his intentions, or his past because we generally do so ourselves. We take it for granted that when a man speaks about himself, he is telling more or less than the unvarnished truth as he knows it.
We conceal and camouflage our true being before others to foster a sense of safety, to protect ourselves against unwanted but expected criticism, hurt, or rejection. This protection is purchased at a steep price. When we are not truly known by the other people in our lives, we are misunderstood. When we are not known, even by family and friends, we join the all-too-numerous "lonely crowd". Worse, when we succeed too well in hiding our being from others, we tend to lose touch with our real selves, and this loss of self contributes to illness in its myriad forms.
The curious thing to me, as a psychologist, is that we have not seriously questioned man's decision to hide rather than to reveal himself. Indeed, self-concealment is regarded as the most natural state for grown men. People who reveal themselves in simple honesty are sometimes seen as childish, crazy, or naive, as for example, in Dostoievsky's novel The Idiot, or Melville's Billy Budd. The uncritical assumption that concealment is the natural state for man, more natural than candor, has given rise to many stratagems for getting inside a man's defenses and pretensions. The stratagems run the gamut from attempting to get a man drunk to asking him to report his dreams or to indicate what he sees in some ink blots. Here, the assumption is that he will then, in spite of himself, give some hints of what he has been hiding.
Yet, recent experience and research is beginning to show that such methods of getting to know a person, or getting him to "open up" are unnecessary when a man wants to be known. Under these conditions, he will do everything in his power to make sure that the other person's image of him is as accurate as possible."
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Do you have any regrets as an escort or client?
This is the bit that inspired this post.
"When I finally retire and fade back into obscurity, I will not regret what I have done, but perhaps I will reflect upon the effect my actions had upon others. We are not common en masse, at least we do have a respect for our bodies and charge for the privelege. Some women actually give it away, can you believe that :) "
I have given this some thought over the past few days. I am not sure where I am with regret. I think , I regret having to lie to those close to me. I am open with close friends and family, and this is one instance where being open would cause pain, and ruin relationships. I am not prepared to do that.
I do not feel that escorting is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know it is for some escorts. However, there are some things that I have learned via escorting, that I would never have been exposed to otherwise. I know that some of my attitudes and assumptions have changed, and that has been valuable for my own personal development.
I came across this yesterday.
From the Preface to a 1964 book, The Transparent self by Sidney Jourard
"A choice that confronts every one of us at every moment is this: Shall we permit our fellow men to know us as we now are, or shall we seek instead to remain an enigma, an uncertain quantity, wishing to be seen as something we are not?
This choice has always been available to us, but throughout history we have chosen to conceal our authentic being behind various masks. We usually assume that the other man is hiding or misrepresenting his real feelings, his intentions, or his past because we generally do so ourselves. We take it for granted that when a man speaks about himself, he is telling more or less than the unvarnished truth as he knows it.
We conceal and camouflage our true being before others to foster a sense of safety, to protect ourselves against unwanted but expected criticism, hurt, or rejection. This protection is purchased at a steep price. When we are not truly known by the other people in our lives, we are misunderstood. When we are not known, even by family and friends, we join the all-too-numerous "lonely crowd". Worse, when we succeed too well in hiding our being from others, we tend to lose touch with our real selves, and this loss of self contributes to illness in its myriad forms.
The curious thing to me, as a psychologist, is that we have not seriously questioned man's decision to hide rather than to reveal himself. Indeed, self-concealment is regarded as the most natural state for grown men. People who reveal themselves in simple honesty are sometimes seen as childish, crazy, or naive, as for example, in Dostoievsky's novel The Idiot, or Melville's Billy Budd. The uncritical assumption that concealment is the natural state for man, more natural than candor, has given rise to many stratagems for getting inside a man's defenses and pretensions. The stratagems run the gamut from attempting to get a man drunk to asking him to report his dreams or to indicate what he sees in some ink blots. Here, the assumption is that he will then, in spite of himself, give some hints of what he has been hiding.
Yet, recent experience and research is beginning to show that such methods of getting to know a person, or getting him to "open up" are unnecessary when a man wants to be known. Under these conditions, he will do everything in his power to make sure that the other person's image of him is as accurate as possible."
==================
Do you have any regrets as an escort or client?
Labels: Black escort, Blueslady, books, Regret
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I think with "regrets" we're talking about major life changing decisions rather than just what colour wallpaper we used in the bedroom.
There are of course lots of decisions I wish I had made differently - every day! But serious regrets? I'm not sure. There are two major life decisions that I look back on wondering what if ... But do I regret them? I don't know. What is the point in mulling over such things? What is important is to look at where one is now and look forward. Those are the important decisions. One can do little about the old ones so why ponder and distress oneself with "regret".
Maybe Edith Piaf had it right,
"Non, je ne regret rien!"
In relation to my experiences as a client of escorts there is something that brought me great heartache.
So do I regret it?
Not for one minute!
B x
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There are of course lots of decisions I wish I had made differently - every day! But serious regrets? I'm not sure. There are two major life decisions that I look back on wondering what if ... But do I regret them? I don't know. What is the point in mulling over such things? What is important is to look at where one is now and look forward. Those are the important decisions. One can do little about the old ones so why ponder and distress oneself with "regret".
Maybe Edith Piaf had it right,
"Non, je ne regret rien!"
In relation to my experiences as a client of escorts there is something that brought me great heartache.
So do I regret it?
Not for one minute!
B x
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