Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I want to make you come

This is something that some of my clients say. There are several ways in which it can be interpreted. One of which is, that they want to make sure that I have a good time.

I feel uncomfortable when it is something that is said, as soon as someone has sat down, because I feel the pressure is on. Yes, I know I can fake it, and we know that lots of escorts out there do. The difficulty for me, is that I cannot come on demand, it is just not the way that I function. Each time I come, there is no particular thing, that I can pinpoint to, that made it happen. It just happens.

Julia O' Connell Davidson raises this issue in her book,

Prostitution Power and Freedom

She says "When a client expresses a wish for the prostitutes they use to achieve genuine orgasm, it seems to me that this too reflects a desire truly to possess the woman, rather than simply contract for her "services". Because they (wrongly) imagine that, if a prostitute orgasmed, it would be attributable to their own sexual performance, to evoke a genuine sexual response in a prostitute woman is seen as proof of having penetrated beyond the professional "facade". It is a victory over the prostitute woman because she is imagined to have lost control."

Belle de Jour covers the issue in her book on Page 94. She says "Regarding orgasms at work I don't. I don't equate number of orgasms with the level of enjoyment of sex, nor good sex with the ability to produce an orgasm. Let's be honest, this is a customer service position, not a self-fulfilment odyssey. They're paying for their orgasm, not mine. Plenty of the men- more than you might think-never even come at all. They never imply it's a failure on my part. Sometimes they're just after human contact, a warm body, an erotic embrace."

So no orgasm for me does not mean that you are crap. It is not about me evaluating your performance, even though that is what you may want me to do.

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There's no such thing as a female orgasm, I know this for a fact based on years of trial and error!

Your experiences are true for you, and I am not even going to dare to challenge that,lol.
Well, in my case, I never felt complete in mine unless I felt the lady was also enjoying things. I wanted to please her. That was a HUGE part of it for me. When I felt the lady had felt enjoyment, then I could enjoy myself.

But I never told the girl I wanted her to come. I just tried my best to make it mutual. some girls were nice and honest in saying that it was not going to happen, and that allowed meto enjoy myself. Communication helps.

But sure, some guys just want to unload their load.
I feel very frustrated when male friends of mine think there is something wrong with me that I don't care if I cum or not and don't understand why they "get off" on the girl getting off or only like the girl on top.. It just seems obnoxious.. Like let sensitive topics be sensitive okay don't try to turn them into an academic paper with a thesis to prove, like woman cumming = male domination.
Thank you for your comments Ivy,

I am not very clear about what you are saying.

I think you may have misinterpreted my thread. I am sharing different views on the subject.

That does not imply that I believe that women having orgasms=male domination.

I also appreciate that I have no control how you may interpret what was posted.
I must say Julia O' Connell Davidson sounds like a barrel of laughs. Why is it so surprising that clients want to break through the escort's professional boundaries? I can see why escorts can be uncomfortable with this, but it's pretty obvious that men would love to do that. If you view things in strictly business terms then this is the equivalent of trying to get more than you've paid for or is on offer, but I don't think cold business or psychological terms do a good job of describing what's going on. You can make anything seem like a "power struggle" if you choose to, but it's never felt like that to me and most clients I know have a real affection for escorts.
The trick that the best escorts pull off is to give the impression that the boundary has been crossed, without crossing any actual boundaries that they are uncomfortable with. If that's too hard, and I can see how it could be, then maybe the escort doesn't have the right mix of controlled give and take to be good at her role. Maybe that ability is what distinguishes an escort from any other sex worker.
I think Ivy may have been trying to sum up Julia O' Connell Davidson's position rather than yours Nia when she wrote:
Like let sensitive topics be sensitive okay don't try to turn them into an academic paper with a thesis to prove, like woman cumming = male domination
For me, part of the GFE is knowing (or at least believing) that the SP is also enjoying our time together. It's great if she can have an orgasm, but I would rather have her tell me that it's not going to happen then to fake it.
yes, what David said. If the guy is attempting to please you, he is going to keep trying until he gets feedback. If you think it just won;t happen, I think it is great to tell the guy "Look, I don't think it is going to happen for me, but why don't you let me concentrate on you?"

When I would hear that, all of my male ego would vanish and I could just enjoy myself. Actually, it's quite a relief when the girl says she expects nothing inthat manner.
For most of my life I believed that prostitutes did not come with their customers and for that reason I had very little interest in sex for pay.

Until, that is, I discovered that it was possible to have paid sex with women who did become aroused.

To me having intercourse with someone who has no potential for orgasm is about as exciting as squirting cream into a doughnut. It would be much more pleasurable to have a massage, blowjob, or even a handjob.

Fortunately for me, I have had hot, passionate paid sex with many ladies. This has always been in Latin America. I think this kind of sex is much less available in the UK and the US, but then you pays your money and you takes your choice.

This is not to be critical of Nia. All escorts are different. This is not a licensed profession. There are no performance standards. In the end an escort is rated by one criterion alone--whether she gets enough business to get by or not. That is her business. We punters are perfectly free to take our business wherever we like--and we do, we take it all over the world.
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