Sunday, November 12, 2006

She was too professional

What does this mean?

Is she an Ice queen?

Is it about an escort keeping within her boundaries?

There is a section in

Live sex acts by Wendy Chapkis

One of the sex workers, describes the boundaries that doctors, firefighters, psychiatrists need to keep in place, to do their work. Her view is that as an escort if you do this, it is somehow not acceptable, or your clients do not like it.

This is from

Sex work writings by women in the sex industry by Delacoste and Alexander

Peggy morgan an exotic dancer says

"The macho insecure types need more. On some level they know what a great equalizer prostitution is, and they are not satisfied with a simple business transaction. Not only do we have to work at getting them off and making them feel good, but we have to put up with their clumsy, grubby hands pawing our bodies-and pretend to enjoy it. It is not that these customers really want to please a woman-most of the time these are the same ones who will argue about money or make a fuss about having to pay up front. They simply want to feel power over the whore, who is by implication of her class and gender someone beneath them."

It is difficult to gauge what each individual client wants or needs, as I have raised in the guessing game.

Some clients want some conversation, and want you to be friendly, and some clients want to get down to action as soon as possible.

I had a client who did not want me to say a word, when we met. He cringed any time, I spoke. The conversation consisted of a few words, hello, thank you, and directions to the bathroom.

It felt really weird initially, as he was someone that I saw frequently, and I usually ask clients how they have been. Some small talk is necessary, for me. However, after a while it did not matter. He was a lonely man, who lacked social skills, and never initiated any conversation, and clearly did not want any.

It is so tricky, because if you are chatty, you can be accused of talking too much, and wasting valuable time, and if you say nothing, you risk being labelled as too professional. The other disadvantage around being friendly, is a client picking up the wrong signals, and believing that there is more to the relationship.

There have been debates about some of these clients on other messageboards.The men who want action asap, who are also known as men who want you to meet them with your knickers round your ankles . Or they are also known as men who just want to empty their tanks, and are usually advised by women on other boards to go to brothels.

So what is too professional in your view?


What is it for an escort to be unprofessional?

I have just come across this on another messageboard. I tend to check my email at work.

Does anyone have any infomation on the legal position in the UK?

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In my experience there are 3 ways a meeting can go. The worst meetings are the ones that feel "professional" because the lady is just going through the motions like a robot, without any engagement on a personal level. Like you said, I'm sure there are some men who actually prefer that approach.
The second way is where you chat a bit and feel like you are getting on. You might bump occasionally against the professional boundaries (i.e. the girl might not like to kiss, or talk about her personal life etc.) but it doesn't spoil the mood and flow of things.
The third way is where you feel you've really hit it off and the girl likes you enough to move a little outside her normal boundaries. For example a girl might initially say she doesn't kiss, but after some pillow talk and cuddles, she decides to make an exception for you. I've had some almighty snogathons with girls who had started off making it very clear that kissing is not allowed. Or it could be that the girl tells you a bit more about personal life than she normally would. It doesn't have to be as clear cut as that, it's just the feeling that the escort is putting a lot more into the meeting than the she absolutely has to. I guess it's about trust, which is a very erotic thing, all the more so because it's not something you can pay for. That third sort of meeting is bound to be the one that you remember most and puts a real spring in your step.
As for giving out the wrong signals, that's a very tricky one. I know several escorts who have genuinely fallen head-over-heels for a client, and I even dated an escort myself for a while. I think any reasonable man knows that a good escort tries to make everyone feel special, and that if she really does love you then you will absolutely know it, not from any vague signals but because she has explicitly told you so.
Of course that doesn't help with the unreasonable men who read too much into things and become too emotional, or even worse start stalking a girl. I don't know how you handle that, but I guess sadly that caution has to be the best approach, mixed with a good dose of gut instinct.

My approach with men who read too much into things, is to try and bring them back to earth. When they insist on upping the ante, then I do not see them again, as it is too much hassle.
I have a story about "professionalism" related to the a member of the "oldest profession" - but sadly too long to fit here!

But why is it that "professionalism" seems to be associated with keeping the boundaries? Each escort will have her own boundaries and be clear about them if she is to survive.

I wonder if we started to talk instead about what makes an escort "unprofessional" then we would be talking about other things altogether.

B xx
Nia has asked me to post my rather long message so here it is only slightly adapted:

I think I had stopped seeing D but we were still friends - kept in touch with the occasional email and phone call with promises of meeting up soon and so on.

I decided to see B for an appointment. B and D used to do two girl appointments together occasionally. D got in touch with B to initiate it. They both looked very alike. Similar figures and long blonde hair. Though D was lucky enough to have such perfect breasts without surgical enhancement!

D had come up with a great phrase to advertise it. They set up an internet site to advertise it but mostly just arranged special days each couple of months or so when they offered the service.

The reviews for this were very good though I never tried it myself. I guess I felt it was just too much money for an hour's pleasure though I am sure I would have had a good time. B's reviews are also very good. She clearly had a number of "fans" as did D. From her reviews she sounded very like D. A number of clients saw them both individually about that time. I was afraid of visiting B in case I fell for her as well!!!!

Anyway I did visit her eventually for a two hour appointment - because of the travelling involved and because her one hour rate was more expensive at that time.

She was very attractive, polite and we had a nice time. However I found her rather distant and quite detatched. She was not the friendly, warm person who I was expecting. Not icy or even cold but certainly very cool. She also seemed to look down on D a little as being less intelligent and bit of an air-head. I was rather disappointed - but mostly because I'd had such high hopes.

I rang D the following week.

"I've just met a friend of yours," I said.

"Oh," said D, sounding puzzled, then she squealed with glee. "You've met B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I explained my reservations to her and D answered, "She is very professional."

At that time I thought D was very professional (like with her timekeeping!!!) - but that didn't stop her being warm, kind, friendly, bubbly, chatty ... I could go on!

The need to keep a distance between oneself and ones clients surely doesn't preclude this?

Or does it?

And why call that professionalism anyway?

Perhaps the question should be what is it for an escort to be unprofessional?

I think then one would come up with a whole different list of actions.
Forget what the legal position is in the UK. Assume that they can read about your business if they wish to. This is especially so on computers running Windows XP. They can not only read your mail, but they can literally watch your entire desktop AS YOU WORK (and they can record the visual).

I do not know what kind of company you work for. Certain large "comglomerate" companies tend to have very "Orwellian" IT polices, and look for opportunities to snoop. Smaller companies, with smaller IT departments, while they may have the power to do so, often do not have the time to snoop in this manner.

If you suspect that they may be seeking a way to be rid of you, however, then assume that they will use violation of IT policies as the vehicle of that termination. It is very common.

A log is generally kept of every website you visited, how often, and for how much time. Some companies distribute reports of this activity to managers, and other wait and dig that info up when a problem is suspected.

But there is hope:

You can visit sites through a "proxy" such as at, or any of a hundred others (google search "proxy" for a list).

This way, only the visit to the proxy site is recorded at work. Not the actual destination. But be warned, just visiting a proxy site can signal an alert that you may want to be watched, and on Win XP, that might tempt them to use the "snoop" feature and watch what you do.

If you want to be "truly safe", then surf at home. That is the only bullet-proof approach.
I think that (upon reading the blogs of many escorts...and thank the stars for this new insight) it is very apparent that escorts see a varoety of men who often want very different things from the ladies. I was actually surprised to find out how different some men could be from me.

For example, While I like to be pleased, I also like to give in return, and allow an experience that is equally enjoyable for both of us. Sexually, respect-wise, quality of conversation-wise, and otherwise. But some men want an obedient slut who will let them slam away and do vile disgusting things with them.

I think this is where the escort website can come in very handy. Without being too explicit, the escort can be up-front on what kind of men she is willing to tolerate. And what behavior. No, I don"t mean "I speak greek/not speak greek"...But more like how you like to be treated as a person within a session, how you treat the man, and general ground rules.

Example, one provider that I used to have regular sessions with...I was amazed to learn that she would also do BDSM sessions with other men. Our encounters were more of the "gentle loving" variety. She hated doing BDSM, but that is what some men wanted. I asked her "why do you do it?" she said "Because that's wht they pay me for"....yes, but do you WANT that kind of business? She didn't. I said "Then don't do it anymore".

Doing some things versus others is not inherently professional or non-professional. Just define your boundaries in advance and position yourself the way you actually wish to be seen. You are not just a paid "cum bucket". You are a woman.

I need to put a sticker on the bathroom mirror that says I am not a cum bucket,lol.
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