Nia Dark and Lovely, a Black Escort in London

I was just reading Chevalier's post on prying, and it reminded me of something that happened recently with one of my regulars.

I am open with some of my clients, if I feel comfortable. I have a dinner date with one of my regular clients whenever he is in London.

I have mentioned here about how unsettled I feel about situations with clients that would be too close too comfort.

Most of my regular clients know more about me than my other clients, it is inevitable. Something happened recently with a regular client, that taught me a lesson, but was not something that I could have predicted.

We were catching up on what we both had been up to since we last met. X works all over the world, and has several homes in various countries. An ex partner of mine, used to live in one of the cities that X has a home in, and is in the same profession. I had never mentioned this to X before, but did at our last date. He asked me what my ex partner's name was, and I told him. I watched his face turn a dark shade of red, and then he nervously said that it was a small world. Clearly, he was very uncomfortable with this information, but I had no idea he would know my ex, when I told him.

I think I have lost him. His body language spoke volumes. He was one of my first clients, and I have seen him consistently since I started. I wonder whether I should have been open with him.

Such is life, I guess.

If it feels too close for comfort, it is time to call it a day.

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, clients, London, Thoughts

Chevalier has a thought provoking post, on whether you need to tell a potential partner that you have been an escort or a client.

The issues for me, are similar to what I raised in between you, me and the bedpost.

In an ideal world, my response would be yes. However, in my relationships outside this industry, the majority of my partners have not been able to deal with any information, about men that I have dated before them. They start off wanting the information, but further down the road, are insecure about what I have told them. I then regret having been open and honest.

A case of the fragile male ego. Theoretically they can handle it, but not in practice.

I have no problem not knowing about their past, I am interested in the here and now.If they choose to tell me about their past, that is fine. However, I don't feel it is essential, in order for us to have a relationship. Sometimes, the information is shared, naturally.

Given that none of my friends or family know that I am an escort, it is highly unlikely that I will tell a potential partner that I have been an escort.

My take on it is, that if a potential partner has visited escorts before he met me, that is his business.

Do I need to know?

No.

I feel he does not need to know that I was an escort, as my experience is that most men I have had relationships with, cannot deal with the fact that I have slept with other men before them.

My policy in relationships, is that I don't need to know everything about my partner's past. I tend to deal with the here and now.

Some things are better left unsaid, and I am aware we all have skeletons in our closets.

That is how I operate.

Call me dishonest?

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, London, Thoughts

I met Sarah Summers yesterday, as she was passing through London for a few hours. We last saw each other eight months ago. Yesterday was brief but well worth it. Sarah is one of the few escort friends that I have.

Sarah is one of the kindest escorts that I have ever come across, who never fails to make me laugh. We had so much catching up to do, exchanged bad client lists, and shared some of the difficult stuff we have gone through as escorts, since we last met.

One of the themes of the discussion yesterday was the illusion of passion in the escort industry, and regular clients a mixed blessing .

Sarah and I have got ourselves into pickles over the years, with clients. I recognise that it is inevitable in this industry.One of the things that I love about Sarah, is that we can laugh about stuff, that is challenging, and are able to support each other.

I have just got back from the supermarket. A man came up to me, as I was shopping and asked me whether I wanted a massage. I thought he was weird, and wondered why he had approached me, as I was in grunge mode. He had no name label on his clothing, and I could not figure out why he had asked me whether I wanted a massage. It turns out he was working in the supermarket, and was offering a shiatsu walk in back, neck and shoulder massage. It was my lucky day I guess, as he offered me a free trial, which I accepted. The last massage I had a few weeks ago, had sex tagged onto it. I am not complaining.

So he placed his hands on my neck, and my body went into relax mode. I just love massages. After the free trial, he offered me a paid session which I took up, and gave him a tip which surprised him.It felt weird having a massage from a man, and not having sex attached to it.

What has my life become?

Hope you had a good easter, and have a good week.

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, Escorts, Sarahsummers, Thoughts

It is one year since I started blogging. How time does fly. Chevalier has been on my case to do my own interview. I gave him my word, so have to honour that.

What is the first weblog I came across?

I think it was Postmodern courtesan, which no longer exists.

Why did I start blogging?

It was not something that I gave much thought to. I have a side to my personality that is impulsive. I decided that I would give it a go one day, and did. I have found that it can be therapeutic, to put my thoughts down. I like the fact that I can write what I like, and noone can censor me.

Which blogs do I read?


I read all the blogs on my sidebar.My favourites are Beau, Caitie Mae, Chevalier, Compartments, English Courtesan, Gillette, and Joanne of Leeds and Mercurial girl.

I miss Glengarry Leads, Memoirs of a Whoremonger, and the Petulant Pooner, who have all stopped blogging.

What appeals to me about the blogs I read?

The bloggers personality, and passion shines through. Their blogs are informative, interesting, amusing in some instances, controversial,thoughtful, and honest.

Whose writing do I particularly admire?

I admire Jeff Jarvis, Rebecca Blood Negrophile, Maya Angelou, Khalil Gibran and John Steinbeck.

In my reading do I seek out different points of view ?

I like to read books or blogs that challenge my way of thinking, and feel this is the only way that I can learn.

How do I choose items to link?

I link to articles or blogs that interest me, annoy me, amuse me or that I find informative.

What is my policy on comments?

My comments are moderated to avoid spam.

Do I ever receive abusive comments , how do I handle it ?

I have received one abusive comment, since I started blogging. The comment was nothing to do with my blog, but someone who wanted to draw me into an argument, on one of the blogs on my sidebar. I felt it was irrelevant, and did not post it. My policy on abusive comments, is that I am happy to post them, if they are not posted by anonymous commenters.

Where do I find interesting links?

I find interesting links on other blogs, and via the search engines.

Do I ever write to provoke a reaction, how do I do that ?

I don't think I do, however I somehow manage to provoke a reaction.

How much traffic do I get?


When I started blogging, I had 50 unique visits a day, it is now 100 to 300 a day. My traffic is dependent on my blog posts, and who links to me.

What is my rank on Technorati?

It is 395,824.

Has my writing changed since I started blogging?

I think I am more confident, and clearer than when I began. My readers may have another view.

How many hours do I spend online a day?

It varies, it could be anything from one to six hours a day. It depends, my dayjob, requires that I spend sometime on line.

How much time do I spend on my site a day?


An hour a day. It sometimes is more than that,if I have to do lots of research for a blog post.

How many blogs do I read?


All the blogs on my sidebar. I used to read them all daily, but no longer have the time to do that.

How do I find new blogs?


I find new blogs, from other blogs, and reader comments.

How much reader email do I get?

I get five to ten reader emails a week.

What do I think makes a successful blog?

I think a succesful blog is original, engaging, informative and focused.

What is my advice for a new blogger?

Read Rebecca Blood's book.

Rebecca's article on weblog ethics is essential.

Have a purpose for your blog. Do not post when you are angry. Read other blogs. Write for yourself, and not for the audience.Be yourself, be patient, and voice your opinion. Link as much as you can, as it gives readers information, and good content will bring in traffic. If someone says something bad about you, link to it and answer. Remember what you write is available to the public.Be honest. If you copy and paste, or use a piece from a website or blog, link to it. If you do not, you will get caught. Word travels quickly on the web and blogosphere, and it does not help your reputation.

How has blogging changed my life?

I have formed friendships with some of my blog readers.

What blogs do I think deserve wider recognition and why?


I am so behind on my reading at the moment, I can't answer the question.

What are my hobbies?


Cooking when I am in the mood. Going to concerts, eating out, reading, watching movies,learning languages, and travelling.

How has my blog changed over the year?

I think I have moved away from writing about personal issues, to commentary.

Am I fairly accurate in predicting which of my items will be widely linked?

I have no idea why some posts are linked to, more than others.

Do I have a background in writing?

No

When do I blog?


At the start of my day, mainly or when I have the time.

With regard to blogging what was my most memorable moment?

There have been several moments. I did a book review here, and the author came in to comment.

I had been mentioned on another blog. I was able to agree to disagree with the blogger here, in a civilised manner. The author of the blog came in and gave her comments.

I had covered an article , and the owner of the escort agency came in here to correct me.

Discovering that bloggers who I admire and respect have linked to me on their blogs, and realising that I have a core group of returning readers.

Would you read your site?

Oh yes. I have 254 posts to date, lots of comments, and 55,000 visits.

Thank you all for reading.

Labels: Beau, Black escort, Bloggers on blogging Interviews, Caitiemae, Chevalier, Compartments, English courtesan, Escort agencies, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Friction, Joanne of Leeds

Chevalier has two interesting posts on Retired escorts and escorts who are Under the radar.

My understanding is that if you are under the radar, you are not retired. You do not advertise, but still see a select number of clients, so how can you be retired.

A close escort friend retired last month. I understand some escorts want nothing to do with anyone in the industry when they retire. It is great when an escort that I've had a good relationship with, still keeps in touch. I can understand the need to get out, and not look back.

Labels: Chevalier, Escorts, Retirement

I had an appraisal with a member of staff yesterday that went well. One down, five more to go.

One of the issues that came up, is some of the staff team, believe they get more from me, than others. I believe everyone gets the same, but it may be delivered in a different way. I recognise I cannot please all the people all the time, and I make no attempts to. I am surprised, as the staff who are complaining, have not raised the issue with me, but maybe they will in their appraisals.

It has some parallels with the paid sex industry and the term YMMV, which Chevalier introduced me to. Chevalier has a good post on YMMV here. It continues to raise problems for clients when they read reviews, and realise they did not get x, whereas other people did. I suppose the whole review process is about comparisons, and there is no getting away from that.

Update

Chevalier has started a new blog on wordpress, as he was having technical problems, and his old blog is still up.

I have some email problems again, and discovered today that some of you have attempted to send me mail for over three weeks, and it has not been delivered. I am receiving some mail, and as usual have no idea what is happening. If I have not responded to any mail,which is unusual then I suggest you call.

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, London, Thoughts

Clockwatching is a term that is used in escort reviews. Chevalier is growing less and less fond of the term.

When I see it,in escort reviews I wonder what really happened.

My understanding of a clockwatching escort, is someone who is constantly looking at the clock when you are together.

Someone who is rushing you. You can pick up the vibe. She would rather be somewhere else, and does not hide it.

She wants you out as soon as you get your rocks off, and in some cases does not let you have a shower.

The difficulty for me, is if you have booked, and paid for x hours with an escort. Why should you expect x hours and 45 mins?

If you decide that you want to spend 30 minutes in the shower at the beginning, and another 30 minutes at the end, do you really expect the escort to overlook the time?

My policy for incall, is that my clients can have a shower at the start, and at the end if they choose.

Apparently, some clients do not expect some escorts to count the 30 minutes in the shower, at the beginning and at the end. This is a misunderstanding, in my view.

I have clients who want to extend sessions with me, but unfortunately, I have had to rush off to the day job, or have a dentist's appointment, or have other stuff to do. So, it is not always possible.

Chevalier wonders whether escorts have concerns about clients stating that they are not clockwatchers, in reviews. I do not have a problem with that. I feel, that I cannot dictate what any of my clients write in their reviews, anyway.They are free to write what they experienced. If I think that something a client writes is misleading, I know that I can write a rebuttal.

I am not always aware of the time,with my clients and tend to run over . However, I have met some clients who take advantage, and I do not see them again. The sort of situation where a four hour booking, turns to be five, and you literally have to throw the client out. The extra hour is not paid for, clearly.

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, London, Thoughts

I learn something new every day. I was not aware that pre pay for escorts existed.

Is this something that only happens in the US?

Or could some UK independent escorts enlighten me?

A clients pays for a batch of appointments from an escort. However, the escort does not give the client specific times and dates, for any of these bookings. Interesting concept, clearly something that these clients are willing to do with escorts that they have seen before, I imagine.

Some conventional wisdom on prepay, if that is what you choose to do.

Then you need to look at the psychology of prepay.

Maybe I have been living in the dark, but I had never heard of this.

Update

Dr Pepper's Dance has been added to my sidebar. Pay him a visit.

Have a good weekend.

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, Dr Pepper's Dance, London, Thoughts

Caitie Mae is a 34 year old female adult escort (”provider”) living in the United States. She has been a provider for about 2 years. She is engaged to be married and her future husband, Cole, knows where her money comes from. He supports her choice of career fields. She started her blog to chronicle their life and the difficulties (and rewards) of her chosen lifestyle.

What is the first weblog you came across?

The first time I can recall a blog having any significant meaning to me was when I discovered indecentblogging.com. It was a social erotic blogging network that hosted some very enjoyable writers and personalities. Dirty Boys Dirty Thoughts was an instant favorite. Luckily, Roger transplanted his dirty thoughts successfully to a new host when Indecent Blogging was overrun with spam.

Why did you start blogging?

When I started my first blog, a Wordpress engine that I had styled myself and hosted on a free server, I was in my rookie year in the industry. I started blogging as an additional way to make contact with prospective clients without expanding my marketing campaign. In the almost two years since the launch of that first blog, the expansion of my marketing has been limited to a total of about four other sites, and not more than a dozen or so total ad listings, which I consider a successful contained campaign.

Which blogs do you read?

A great deal of the blogs I read are related to web design. The P4P blogs I read are Chevalier's, Blonde Bohemian,
Courtesean Connection, Misemployed in Minneapolis and I've recently added Nia Dark and Lovely to my regular reading. I was reading Compartments regularly, but since her professional direction has changed, I've been reading her less. One of my favorite blogs, Glengarry Leads, is no longer online, and I miss it. Another that I read until the author stopped posting is Experienced Girlfriend because she posted about being a sexworker involved in a personal relationship. I, too, have a very serious boyfriend; we are actually engaged. There was a couple (a provider and her client-turned-boyfriend) who each posted blogs about their relationship on wordpress but their romance quickly became a trainwreck that was painful to watch; their blogs have both been removed. There are also a few blogs I read that are more erotic fiction collections than blogs about escorts.

What appeals to you about the blogs you read?

There is a certain "aloneness" I feel from being in this line of work. I read the escort blogs that I read so that I can have a sense of "she feels the same way," or "he understands what I am feeling about (whatever)." I read escort blogs to feel more a part of than apart from.

Whose writing do you particularly admire?

I admire Chevalier's writing for the fact that he seems to "get it" more than most of the men entangled in this industry. I think I admire everyone I read regularly for either their insight or the way they turn a phrase. Hopefully I will be having lunch with (and meeting for the first time) one of my favorite writers on Monday; I cannot tell who she is, but I don't think there is a person I enjoy reading on the message boards more than I enjoy reading her comments.

In your reading do you seek out different points of view ?

Oh, I know I should seek out differing points of view, and sometimes I do, but I honestly like reading that I am right most of the time. I am so shallow. I have found that I enjoy reading people with whom I agree although our reasoning does not match.

How do you choose items to link?

I tend to add bloggers who link to my blog to my blogroll. Many in my list have many links in their blogrolls. If my readers click through my list, they find a wealth of blogs to view from those sites. with the exception of The Erotic Review, because they require a link on the first page, I don't link to my reviews or the message boards that publish them.

What is your policy on comments?

My comment policy is that I approve the first comment a person makes, after that, comments post instantly. I receive an email for each comment published, just to make sure that spam does not sneak in. So far, no one has posted or tried to post anything that I have needed to remove for the sake of "good press."

Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it ?

I have not received any "abusive" comments, my readers are generally (so-called) "fans" who send me a lot of praise and flattery. (I do love to be flattered...) I think that most of my readers would recognize anyone being abusive at face value, plus I do not want anyone to think that I will only publish what is favourable to me, so I think that I would let an abusive comment stand. Email I receive is a little different. When I receive an ignorant, graphic or abusive email, I do not respond to the sender. I do, however, publish those comments as an example for others.

Where do you find interesting links?

As I mentioned before, those I link to often have a wealth of great sites.

Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?

Do I write to provoke a reaction? Absolutely! On the sixth of May I posted a one-line entry to provoke my guests into remembering that I appreciate it when they shower at my place. There is another reaction I have intended to provoke lately; for that purpose, I have been trying my hand at erotica (fiction and non-fiction). I would love your dark and lovely opinion on my three-part "The Librarian" and "SG42."

How much traffic do you get?

My fan-base is pretty modest. I can usually expect about 100 unique visitors daily. Double or even triple that number when a new review is posted on ASPD.

What is your rank on Technorati?

My technorati ranking is about 934k. At one time I had all the little buttons for technorati, digg, etc., but as much as I would like recognition for my blog, I realize the reality of my work and would rather stay somewhat "unknown."

Has your writing changed since you started blogging?

I do not know that blogging has really changed how I write. I am just as wordy as ever. hahaha.

How many hours do you spend online a day?

I am a certifiable internet junky. I am ashamed to say how many hours I spend online in a day... A close answer would be "most of them."

How much time do you spend on your site a day?

I used to spend several hours a day on my site... I was developing my own wordpress themes for a while. Now, other than checking comments or making posts, I do not spend much time at all actually on my site. It does help that my sweetheart is a web-designer who has relieved me of the development aspects of my site.

How many blogs do you read?


On any given day, I could read up to 10 blogs. I have about 50 listed in my news reader to which I commit any real amount of time.

How do you find new blogs?


Most of the blogs I read are design blogs. I find those blogs, usually, via PopURLs. I find new escort blogs through the blogs in my blogroll.


How much reader email do you get?

Almost all of the email I get is from my readers. I rarely hear from someone who has not read my blog.

What do you think makes a successful blog?

I wish I knew what makes a blog successful. I think I have been lucky to have the success I have had. Obviously, regular posts make a difference, as does knowing your audience.

What is your advice for a new blogger?


My advice to new bloggers is to blog, blog, blog. Even if you say nothing, say it! Lack of quantity is my greatest weakness in blogging. Give your readers something, anything, to read.

How has blogging changed your life?

Blogging has not really changed my life. It has made marketing my business easier, but I do not think it has changed me, personally... I take that back... Blogging has made me into something of a comment-whore... I love comments on my blog!

What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?

I think if Chevalier was read more by more men (clients) involved in P4P a lot of things would be easier for them and for the ladies they "visit." Otherwise, I'm not sure I am crazy about more escort blogs becoming "mainstream."

What are your hobbies?

Hobbies? Did I mention I am an internet junkie? hahaha. Otherwise, "the hobby" is my hobby.

How has your blog changed over the years?

Over the time that I have been blogging, I have become less technical and more erotic in my choice of subject matter.

Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?

I am fairly accurate in guessing that few of my entries will be linked at all. Of course, there's an entry that I made six months ago that is still linked to often. I do not think that particular post will ever lose it's appeal for my target audience.

Do you have a background in writing?

My writing background includes a jounalism and mass communications major. It also includes a life-long passion for the art.

When do you blog?

I blog when the mood strikes me... I cannot blog otherwise.

With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?


I think posting "My Oral Fixation" has done the most to secure my need to worry about outside marketing. That is the post everyone seems to remember.

Would you read your site?

Yes, probably, but I would have to find more frequent posts in order to be very loyal to the CMEBlog.

I am very thankful to you for considering my participation. Thank you.

Labels: Bloggers on blogging, Caitiemae, Chevalier, Compartments, Courtesan Connection, Dirtyboy, Escorts, Experienced Girlfriend, Friction, Indecent blogging, Interviews, Missemployed in minneapolis, Wordpress

The internet has transformed the escort industry. At the moment, there are numerous posts on the mass market, and how endless choice is creating unlimited demand. Some posts on a messageboard, have left me feeling disgusted. This is not unusual for me, with some of the boards in this industry. I cannot get over the arrogance of some of the posters, and lack of respect for escorts.

I find the group dynamics on messageboards fascinating. I read the boards to get up to date on what is happening, and to read the warnings section. I am down to reading one board now, and have lost interest with the rest.

The whole concept of online personas and real life personas, I find interesting. There are some people who I avoid, purely on their posting style, and the types of reviews they write. I find it amusing when some of these posters, claim that they should not be judged on what they post on forums, or write in reviews; as in real life they are different. I acknowledge that I do judge them, and am not surprised when I see their details, on the warning sections of the escort only boards.

I see so many similarities on what Compartments writes about messageboards and how some male members on messageboards like to flame escorts. She makes an important point here

Escorts have to be careful what they say, or they attract the wrong types. It only takes one totally insecure, fucked-up prick out there, name and location unknown to the “community,” who would love to teach an uppity bitch whore who says something he doesn’t agree with on a message board a nice little lesson in person. And she’d never know if it was jerkoff69 or Schlongbooger or DaddyButtFuck or whoever from the message board.

You cannot guarantee, that some of these members will make a booking, with their handles. I do not care if someone claims to have a different persona offline, I do not want to take that risk.

I have and continue to witness, escorts who speak their mind, and boy do they get flamed, or labelled as nutters. Some of the male members who do the labelling, strangely enough cannot take a dose of their own medicine.

Compartments writes a great post on bored with the boards. The paragraph on "It's not a community" is hilarious. As she points out that

Some of the people writing there are suffering from delusions of grandeur that they are IMPORTANT, WELL-KNOWN, or POWERFUL in the community based on how much time they spend adding posts to their count.
If an escort is all caught up in the community illusion herself, she could make a pretty bad mistake based on the belief that some anonymous message board posters could make or break her business because they are “well-known,” meaning, they splatter themselves all over the forums and after a while, other members recognize their handles—Wow, there’s Bryan87 again at 5,462 posts! And he’s reviewed 109 whores! He must hold a lot of sway here! But in fact, the members are all UNKNOWNS outside the virtual community of the message board. Close your laptop, and they cease to exist as an actual, cohesive community, because they are scattered all over the place in offices, basements, and bedrooms posting ANONYMOUSLY. They are embarrassed about their so-called “hobby.” A community does not consist of one person alone whacking off in front of his computer while his family watches T.V. in the other room


Chevalier summarises clearly that some men out there do not know the limitations of knowledge in the paid sex industry.This is what I think is causing angst among some members of the community

As a result of being an underground economy, we will never know as much about potential playmates as people know about, say, potential investments in the stock market or "legitimate" businesses they are considering patronizing. There are no SEC and FASB mandating disclosures, backed up by audits by independent accountants. No FTC setting standards for "truth in advertising."

My view is that some members of these boards have a strong need to control and dominate, and bring their unresolved issues of omnipotence, onto messageboards, and start acting out.
Clearly some escorts feel they have to take the crap, as they feel that having a voice will affect their business.Some of these escorts rely on all their business from these boards.

Have a great weekend.

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, Compartments, Friction, Joanne of Leeds, London, Messageboards

Chevalier is based in Texas, and he writes about his experiences as a hobbyist in the paid sex industry.

What is the first weblog you came across?


I don't recall for sure, but possibly kausfiles . I don't recall when that was, though. The first "pay for play" blog I read (other than some truly minimalist/boring ones with no personality) was probably Caitie Mae's , largely because I knew her and was a frequent client at the time.

Of course, P4P discussion boards are a not too distant cousin -- sort of a "collective blog," don't you think? Much higher volume, combined with lower average quality of discussions. If those count, ASPD.

Why did you start blogging?

Why does anyone blog? Expressing one's opinions seems a very fundamental urge, doesn't it? "Blogging" may show up in the revised version of Maslow's hierarchy. :-) Particularly for things such as P4P, which we can't discuss in casual conversations with friends or co-workers.

I drifted into blogging. I had participated in discussions on ASPD for several years but became disenchanted for a number of reasons. Around that time, someone commented that escorts often had websites, which clients could use to find out more about them; it might be helpful for escorts if clients had websites as well, so they could find out more about us. Obviously a lot of practical disadvantages to that, but just as a lark, I put one together on geocities. (I didn't tell prospective partners about it though; it was just an experiment, and realistically most escorts don't have time to do a lot of research on clients other than basic screening.) A blog was an available option on geocities -- I'm an opinionated curmudgeon who wanted an outlet to express those opinions -- and the outlet of a blog would help me stay away from the craziness of discussion boards -- so, voila!

Which blogs do you read?

Within the P4P arena, primarily your and Gillette's. Very different but both very interesting. I check both just about every day. I still drop by Caitie Mae's and Compartments occasionally, although they've slowed down considerably. Clandestine Call Girl and Diary of the Call Girl Next Door have gone into hibernation, although MissEmployed in Minneapolis may be coming back. The Petulant Pooner on occasion. Alice, a local Dallas escort, at times -- fascinating content, although she also blogs very irregularly.

Other than P4P:
A couple of political blogs: kausfiles, Andrew Sullivan A couple of chess blogs: Susan Polgar , Daily Dirt, Dallas Cowboys

What appeals to you about the blogs you read?

Well written, informative, and interesting perspectives that might not occur to me. I generally prefer blogs that don't get TOO angry or strident. It's fine if they want to do so, and a lot of people like it (particularly in the political arena), but that's not what I'm looking for. Exposure to some interesting individuals and how they think. Within the P4P arena, insight into the escort perspective.

The chess and Cowboys blogs -- the overwhelming factor is information, rather than quality of writing or the perspective offered.

And CaitieMae's offers some really outstanding erotica at times. OK, perhaps I'm biased since I was a regular client. :-)

Whose writing do you particularly admire?

Of the blogs I read regularly, I would probably pick Gillette and Andrew Sullivan. Very different, but both very effective.

In your reading do you seek out different points of view ?

To some extent. In the non-blog world, definitely. I tend to subscribe to/read news sources that differ from my personal perspective, just to see "the other side." I don't really seek out blogs, though. I happen to stumble across them, and if they're interesting, I keep coming back.

How do you choose items to link?


Things that interest me and about which I want to comment. I don't really think much about whether they will interest readers.

What is your policy on comments?

I'm not sure I have a "policy." :-) My blog is one of the least sophisticated technologically that I've run across. I don't thing "moderation" is even possible. I reserve the right to delete a comment, I guess, but generally would not do so based solely on the viewpoint. Comments are welcome; disagreement is welcome; just keep it relatively civil.

Do you ever receive abusive comments , how do you handle it ?

No, not really. There have been a few instances in which people posted comments that were critical of me as a person (primarily because of participating in P4P while married), as opposed to being critical of my ideas or opinions. Generally, I just shrug those off. If they have a poor opinion of me as a person, well, they're welcome to it and I don't worry about it. I don't consider those "abusive." I wouldn't encourage they post comments like that a LOT, though, because it would get rather tiresome after awhile. :-)

I think I would have much more of a problem with readers posting nasty/abusive comments about OTHER people.

Where do you find interesting links?


Since my blog is focused on P4P (with an emphasis on Dallas), I run across things on P4P blogs I read and local P4P discussions boards, such as ASPD and AHC.

Do you ever write to provoke a reaction, how do you do that ?

I don't think so. I express disapproval or frustration at times, which might provoke a reaction, but at the same time I don't anticipate that the targets of my ire will run across my blog. :-)

How much traffic do you get?

VERY little. I don't really publicize the blog, and only a few people have run across it, primarily through links at your blog, Compartments, Caitie Mae's, the Petulant Pooner, and a mention on Gillette's. I would guess it runs somewhere around 10 - 20/day on average, although occasionally when I looked at stats I see BIG blips in page views -- jumping up to around a hundred or so. I imagine that's people who run across it for the first time, and then flip back through the entries to see if there's anything interesting, rather than just reading it going forward. (I do that occasionally myself; did it with Gillette's blog, although it took me a few days.)

I mostly think of my blog as a place to express my opinions and what is going on . . . but not necessarily to be read. More like a diary or journal than an op-ed column. If people do read and possibly comment, that's great. If not, that's OK too. I get satisfaction just from putting my thoughts down on the page and knowing that they're there, regardless of how many or how few people read them. Or am I rationalizing? :-)

What is your rank on technorati?


I have no idea. I'm "technologically challenged" and not sure how I would even go about checking all that or what it would all mean. But I gather that's primarily a measure of how widely read and/or linked a blog is . . . and I'm quite content being low profile, under the radar. :-)

As a related measure of the same thing, I would guess the ratio of reader comments to my entries is running slightly less than 20%. And since some entries have attracted multiple comments, the percentage of entries to which readers comment may be more like 7 - 10%.

Has your writing changed since you started blogging?


I have a naturally logical, pedantic, and long-winded writing style, which hasn't changed much. The CONTENT may have changed a bit; I think I'm a little bit more likely to talk about personal things than I was at the beginning.

How many hours do you spend online a day?


I'm logged into the Internet throughout the workday and occasionally at home in the evenings, although I'm not always looking at all that stuff. I may spend a half-hour or an hour in the morning or lunch hour, and then beyond that it's primarily just a quick flip through when I'm bored and need a brief diversion.

How much time do you spend on your site a day?


Very little. I may post one or two items a day for a week solid, then not post at all for a couple of weeks. It all depends on whether there's something I feel like posting. At times, particularly the beginning, I may have "forced" it a bit, but not as much anymore. Sometimes I go back and read what I wrote and think "you were just looking for an excuse to post SOMETHING" . . . and then am a bit more careful about it for awhile.

How many blogs do you read?


On a regular basis, about eight (listed above); occasionally check a few others.

How do you find new blogs?


Through references on other blogs, primarily. I don't search them out.

How much reader email do you get?


Virtually none. Email is welcome, but my email address [chevalierdallas-aspd@yahoo.com] isn't posted on the blog and few people take the trouble to track it down.

What do you think makes a successful blog?


"Success" can be defined so many ways. If you' want to build readership and comments, I think it's interesting content, good writing, a viewpoint, and passion about your subject matter. For your American readers: I remember someone commenting about the Siskel & Ebert TV show, reviewing movies. The commentator said the TV show's success wasn't primarily because of the subject matter but because both of them were PASSIONATE about what they discussed. The show would have been successful if they'd been discussing plubming. I think there's something to that.

For my blog, success = I enjoy it enough to continue doing it.

What is your advice for a new blogger?


Decide what you want to accomplish. Don't worry too much about what others will think. And have fun.

How has blogging changed your life?

I don't think it has, other than an opportunity to "virtually meet" some interesting and fun people.

What blogs do you think deserve wider recognition and why?

Can't say. Not sure how much recognition they have now. :-)

Within the P4P world, I've particularly enjoyed yours and Gillette's. As I said before, very different. Yours focuses more on the "news and commentary" paradigm, like an op-ed column; more of an outward focus, with a lot of exceptionally interesting topics you run across in your reading and bring to our attention. Gillette's is more an inner focus, very personal and subjective sharing of her life, and an introspective and insightful examination thereof. Both those are generalities, of course, and both contain both viewpoints. In both cases, a very high percentage of posts which let me get to know someone interesting and make me think or affect my viewpoint . . . and that's what it's all about. If I wanted a cocoon or echo-chamber that would just reinforce my own viewpoint, I'd only read my own blog. :-)

What are your hobbies?


Alas, I have little time for such at this time in my life. At one time I played chess at a semi-serious level, but haven't managed to keep up in recent years. I enjoy reading, primarily non-fiction (law, history, social issues, etc.).

How has your blog changed over the years?


Or in my case, over the 10 months? :-) Well, it's become somewhat more personal (at times) rather than objective. Other than that . . . I'm not sure.

Are you fairly accurate in predicting which of your items will be widely linked?

I don't attempt to predict, but imagine I would not be very accurate. Since it's not publicized much and gets few readers (and has a somewhat provincial flavor, see below), I'm a bit surprised when ANY of the items is linked at all.

Do you have a background in writing?

No particular background. My profession is one in which writing is important -- but, unfortunately, a particularly dry style of writing. I can generally get my points across, though.

When do you blog?

Whenever I have a few spare minutes and something I feel like saying. :-)

With regard to blogging what was your most memorable moment?

When I first started getting comments, and when other blogs have linked to me. I recall someone telling me that Compartments had listed me on her blogroll and thus "You're big time, Babe!"

Would you read your site?


I guess by definition most of us would say "yes." If we wrote it, presumably we found the subject interesting. :-)

However, if I try to step outside my skin and objectively look back at the last several months, I'd actually probably say "no." Let me explain by comparison to another blog (and perhaps piss someone off in the process).

I rarely read The Petulant Pooner; occasionally, but not often. Why? It's well-written; at times has a different viewpoint than mine, but that is generally a plus; on some interesting subjects; a bit angry at times, but usually not over-the-top. What's not to like? Well, mostly that it has a VERY heavy emphasis on the personalities and what's happening in the Seattle P4P community. To many of the people living up there, I'm sure it would be a "must read" -- but I'm in Dallas. I don't know the people he blogs about and don't use the discussion boards or back channel lists that he talks about. We have completely different frames of reference. (Yours and Gillette's, by comparison, don't have as strong a feel of "place" about them.) I'm sure he gets a lot of visitors from outside Seattle as well, but they're probably less likely to come back and visit regularly.

I think my blog is also, at least to some extent, "place-specific." Looking back on it, there are a lot of entries about the personalities down here and the review/discussion boards that are active in Dallas. Between that, the low visibility, and the lack of "hot" topics -- few people in Dallas know about it, and few people outside Dallas would be very interested. Scarface's approaches a "must read" in the Seattle P4P community, which makes it very popular despite the specifics of "place." I'm not at that level in the Dallas P4P community.

One thing my blog does have going for it, though, is that it offers the perspective of the P4P client. Relatively few of us blog, as opposed to the escorts. I suspect the rarity creates some curiosity/interest.

Labels: Alice, Andrew Sullivan, Aspd, Bloggers on blogging Interviews, Caitiemae, Chevalier, Compartments, Daily Dirt, Ex-Courtesan in transition, Friction, Missemployed in minneapolis, Petulant Pooner

The sunny weather at the weekend was lovely. My mood lifts with sunshine and warmth. I wish it was like this all year round.

Chevalier has an interesting post on pillow talk between escorts and clients.

He outlines the types of information escorts share with their clients, about other clients.

He points out that in some cases it is easy to identify who they are talking about. I find this worrying.

How confidential is a meeting between an escort and a client?

It works both ways.

This is my take, on clients who discuss other escorts with me. I have expectations of my clients.

I have had clients come to see me, who talked about all the escorts they have seen, throughout the entire booking.

Do I need this information.

It is one thing if Arnold comes to see me, and he says that he has seen Dorothy. However, I do not need to know that Dorothy works out of Chelsea Cloisters, has a violent boyfriend,is Italian, and works in the City. In some cases, I have been given real names.

I listen,because part of my role is to listen. However I am clear that anything I share with them, I am happy for them to share with every other escort they meet. So, I have a number of cover stories, to hand.

These are the types of clients who want to know my real name, on a first meeting.

I wonder how the escorts they discuss would feel, knowing identifiable information about them, is being passed around?

My understanding of confidentiality is, talking about individuals in a way, that they are not identifiable,if you choose to discuss them.

Can you blame the women, who act throughout the entire meeting?

Have a good week!

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, Escorts, Thoughts

I can recall a new client grilling me over the phone about my education. It was amusing as he was booking me for an hour, and wanted to know what I had studied.

Would we discuss my educational achievements for the hour?

We met for an hourly booking, and then I saw him again for a dinner date a few weeks later.

I guess the shorter booking was to gauge whether I would be appropriate for a longer date. It turns out that we had similar interests in books,films, and had worked in the same industry!

I think that some clients expect escorts to be mind readers. They have expectations that they do not make clear.

I had a conversation at the end of a booking with another client, about some personal issues. He was aware of my background,outside of escorting,and wanted some advice. so I told him what I thought.

The booking was extended. What he said was most important for him, was the conversation that we had that day. He felt that he was able to offload,and find some solutions.

I had no idea that this is what he needed, when he booked me. He did not spell it out, and would not, given his circumstances.

Everything came pouring out at the end, and I was able to offer him a space to offload.

Some men, go to escorts for this sort of experience. What they do not understand, is that we all have our strengths.

You can pick up some information via email, phone conversations, or reviews,about an escort. The rest you have to leave to chance.

If you want an escort to be a bimbo make it clear at the start. In that way you will not be disappointed if she does not fit the bill.

The problem is, when things are unsatisfying, some clients tend to believe that it is all the escort's fault. Chevalier has an excellent point here

So . . . if/when one's encounters in the hobby are unsatisfying . . . look within, not without. Something for everyone to remember -- and I'm certainly included; don't always do as well at this as I could/should.


What it takes by Chevalier.

I have had a record number of visits to my blog, from visitors in search of Faria Alam. I hope my new readers take a look at all the bloggers on my sidebar, who have some interesting tales to tell.

Have a good weekend.

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, clients, Expectations, London

I have had a high number of calls from clients in the past few weeks, who want to see me now.

I state clearly on my site, that I need notice most of the time. Occasionally, I can accomodate clients who call me on the off chance. What I picked up from these clients was, how irritated they were that they could not see me right away.

I wonder whether these men assume :

1. That I work from home(I do not), and am sitting there painting my nails waiting for the phone to ring.

2.That my whole day is free, and there is noone else booked, so I can always fit them in.

3. I do not have a life with other commitments.

I understand that when some men have the urge they want it now, however to assume they can be accomodated all the time, is not realistic. I think escort agencies tend to have escorts available at all times.

Maybe it is like calling the doctor, when you are ill. The receptionist tells you, that if you want an appointment you need to call two weeks in advance. I do not know that I am going to be ill in advance.

Some of my clients make advance bookings. Most of them do not live in London, and want to make sure they will see me, when they are here. My London clients who make advance bookings, have to find free time in the day that will not arouse suspicion, and so have to plan things carefully.

Chevalier has a post on his timing for appointments.

He has another post on Last Minute appointments.

Is arousal any different if you plan ahead or want it now?

Labels: Black escort, Chevalier, clients, Policies and Procedures, Thoughts

Restaurant dining isn't cheap these days. Indeed, getting change out of £40 for drinks and dinner is a pretty mean challenge in the noughties. So, this week's widely reported story that many of the nation's best eateries are insisting on credit card numbers at the time of booking and, unless given plenty of notice of cancellation, charge a hefty fee for a no-show seems outrageous. A downright rip-off, in fact.

The three-Michelin-starred Fat Duck in Bray charges £80 per person for cancellations with less than two days' notice. At the two-Michelin-starred Le Gavroche, in London, the charge is £60 per head for no-shows, with Le Pont de la Tour, The Square and Bentley's among the capital's other restaurants to be named and shamed. Surely they should be red-faced about such hard-to-swallow policies?

We all accept when we buy theatre, gig, airline or non-flexible train tickets that we forfeit the cost if we don't show up, so why should restaurants be different? In any case, those who call a restaurant at short notice with a genuine illness or catastrophe to report will often find a compassionate ear and the cancellation fee waived. Not such a nasty taste in the mouth after all.

Dinner's off but you should still brace yourself for the bill the full article by Gaby Huddart for the Guardian newspaper.

I read the article, and my instant reaction was a cancellation charge for a restaurant was harsh. However, I can now see why it is necessary.

I wondered how it would be enforced in the world of escorting. I guess it is easier to enforce, for those escorts who get paid before they have met their clients.

I had a conversation with an escort friend last year, who felt guilty as she had to cancel a new client at the last minute. Life can, and does get in the way. She was uncomfortable with having let this client down, and offered him a freebie! I could not believe my ears. I did not think the client would accept the offer, and at least pay her something. However he did take up her offer.

Now this is what I call customer service, that you cannot beat. I do not know many escorts who would do this.

Do you?

I then read that Chevalier makes it up to you for a last minute cancellation or no show by paying the full fee .

He feels that it is only right and proper. If only all clients felt the same way.Good to know that men like Chevalier exist.

I have to admit, I have not had a problem with cancellations since I started escorting. Clients that have cancelled, have done so, in an appropriate time frame.

What are your views on cancellation ?

Labels: Black escort, Cancellations, Chevalier, guardian

Compartments has a comprehensive post on Escort Reviews how important are they. She raises a number of important points about whether they are helpful or hurt, and the sinister side to reviews.

What was also raised was the corruption of board owners who exploit newbies.
This happens in London, too. Word gets round fast on who to avoid.This is not necessarily information that you can pick up on escort only boards, but via escorts that you are in contact with.As Compartments points out, some clients blackmail escorts, and threaten to write negative reviews if they do not provide a discount, or certain type of service.

I agree with Compartments. It is important to remember that not all clients know that review sites exist, or even bother with them. However, they can help your business. The increasing number of women who are involved in bait and switch, makes some clients wary, and why not, as they are spending large amounts of money. So having a review, I believe gives an escort credibility.

It can become complex when escorts provide X to a chosen few, who then betray their confidence, and write about it. I read this on a messageboard on my weekly catch up, and members could not understand how this client stated that the escort had provided X. Why had they not been given the same treatment, these men were puzzled. Clearly an escort has a right to do as she pleases, with whoever she pleases. I guess the reviewer wanted to show the other members that he was the special guy.

I have a friend who was a victim of a hate campaign last year, and had a string of malicious reviews, which were all deleted. I believe that the negative publicity did not affect her business in any way. If anything, it drove more traffic to her site, her phone was still ringing off the hook, and her workload did not decrease.

Clients have told me that having a few negative reviews,is not harmful. This gives the impression that the positive reviews that you have are not fake.

There are a number of pimps, insecure escorts, and disgruntled clients out there, who make it their business to write these types of reviews. In some cases these types of reviews can kill an escort's business, if she does not have a high profile, or only relies on review sites. If she markets herself widely, it does not make a difference.

The other issue, is that escorts are reinventing themselves all the time. In fact there are a number of escorts who have multiple sites, and the clients are none the wiser. On Captain 69, there is a facility on the review form, where a client can report an escort who has a number of aliases, or who used to work under a different name.

On Punternet, if you think your reviews are malicious, you can contact Galahad who will investigate, and they will be removed. There are some individuals who have a knack of having any review that is negative removed. So the system is not foolproof.

There is the whole issue of graphic vs non graphic reviews. I have to say when I discovered that reviews existed, I was stunned and fascinated. I could not believe that clients put pen to paper after an encounter. There is a school of thought that believes that a true gentleman would not write a review. I do not feel I can censor what a client writes about me. If he chooses to review, he writes what he likes. So, I have no control about whether the content is graphic or not.

Some escorts ask clients for reviews, and some offer discounts to clients who write reviews.

Chevalier has an interesting post on the accuracy of reviews in his post on belief vs scepticism.

He has another post discussing escorts who say they do not want reviews here. He makes an interesting point about how escorts who say they do not want reviews would rather rely on word of mouth advertising. His point is that reviews are word of mouth advertising.

What I have observed recently is escorts who are high profile, and have multiple reviews, asking new clients to not review them. Similar to the issues that I raised in the happiness,luxuries and necessities post.

I believe that reviews are a necessary evil. I have picked up from messageboards and clients that without them, you could be perceived as having something to hide if you say you do not want reviews, by some clients.

I have had a number of clients who stated they would not have seen me, without them.

An escort can still get work without them, the question is how much of a difference does it make to your business when you do have them?

It is a business at the end of the day,whichever way you choose to look at it.

Labels: Black escort, Captain69, Chevalier, Compartments, Escort Reviews, Friction, Punternet

I did my weekly catch up on a messageboard at the weekend.

I came across a post where someone mentioned that a famous escort who he saw, told him that a client turned up at her day job, and made it obvious that he knew that she was an escort. She thought he was a shit for doing so.

The thought of this happening to me is unsettling.

I am aware that some of my clients have just as much to lose as I do. They are married, high powered professionals, who could not deal with the embarassment. If their wives found out, they would be taken to the cleaners. However, there is a group of men, who do not give a damn.

Reading that post on the messageboard, was a reminder as to why I do not give personal information to most of my clients. I have done, with some of my regulars, but they are in the minority. I know some escorts who tell all their clients their real names, and where they work, as they find it easier to deal with. Good luck to them.

Last year I had a booking with someone who works in the same field that I do, outside of this industry. If I had this information, before I saw him, I would not have taken the booking. I recognise that it is unlikely that a client would disclose his occupation to you, unless you have had lots of email contact,are on a dinner/lunch date or he feels he wants you to know.

The chances of me bumping into this man professionally are very high, and god knows what I will do, when that happens. I do not like to mix this life, with my other life, but it feels that the two may merge now. Something that I thought was impossible.

I have to confess, that I made some assumptions. I did not think that there was any possibility that men who worked in my profession could ever be clients. A classic case of having a false sense of security. Total wake up call!

*gets flame retardent coat, and runs for cover*

Have any of you been in a similar situation?

If so, when you bumped into the individual, did they breach your confidentiality?

How did you handle it?

He has no idea what I do outside of this industry, so will be shocked if and when we do meet.

Two more additions to my sidebar.

Chevalier, who is based in Texas, who writes about his encounters with escorts and the scene.


Not just another John is forty something, divorced, has seen escorts. He is in a relationship with an escort, and bares his soul in his blog.

Pay them both a visit.

Have a good week.

Labels: Black escort, Boundaries, Chevalier, clients, London, Not just another John, security