Nia Dark and Lovely, a Black Escort in London

He is crazy :-)

It is far more better you ban him once for ever.
I know that kind of clients. They start softly and then they increase to annoy day by day.
You will never tach him. He cannot understand.
Take care :-)
 

Thank you for your comments Klara,

I had no intentions of ever meeting him again. You are right, and I realise he will never get it. It is annoying though, when this has been going on for years.
 

I've read this and Sarah's post on what happened with her.

Creepy.

There is something that all clients have to take on board.

It is called perspective.

As a client I can understand the "falling in love" aspect. You are being intimate with someone you have chosen and keep going back to. You grow to like her. She makes you feel special and if you have imagination and sensitivity you find yourself falling for her.

I make no apology for that. Not to do so would be a denial of who I am. I cannot do "unemotional sex"

However I have to recognise it for what it is. Some seem unable to do so.

It is a passion, not real love. That can only develop in the real world when both parties have to face up to real life and its challenges.

This is a fantasy and should be enjoyed for what it is..........it can be a lovely fantasy and, yes, some of the girls could grow into real life lovers..............if, and only if, the opportunity to share real life came along.

The WG/client relationship does present unique challenges.

I think the one I find hardest is the fact that I have chosen her; a WG has not chosen me so it is one sided..........and for all I know most would not give me a second look......some I have met certainly wouldn't LOL.

It is no good for the self esteem. Seasoned punters seem to be immune because they only see you girls as commodities. Clients who see you as people, including me, look for those signs that mark us out from the other "punters", that make us special, and that is where the misunderstanding can be sown and grow if you aren't careful.

That is where perspective comes in.

I adhere to a number of rules that help me keep it so.

I always place the fee in a fancy envelope and hand it over at the start; it is a statement from me that I accept it is commercial. A reminder. That I see the fee as an integral part that needs stressing.

I never phone, except on meeting days. I very rarely text.

The only medium that I allow myself freedom is e-mail and even then I get a bit jittery if I feel I've sent too many.

With those the girl has control though; she can choose if or when she replies.

It seems to work. I feel safe and can allow myself the comfort of a kind of fanatsy love.

I hope that gives some understanding from the clients' point of view.

.....even though the behaviour of those mentioned is unforgivable.

Grumpy Old Man
 

GOM,

Thank you for your perspective.

I woke up this morning to find a text from Mr X.

*groans*


I can see how a client can get attached to an escort after several meetings.

The point you raise about you doing the choosing is interesting. I hear you say that it does no good for your self esteem, and yet other aspects of your relationship with an escort increase your self esteem, right?

I feel that when a client is looking for signs that make them special, they are on a slippery slope. I feel they need something to hold onto, to then work on.
As you point out misunderstanding, and in my experience demands kicks in.

I have come across one or two clients, who don't want to hand me the envelope, as it is too professional.

Then I read about men on messageboards who despise escorts who count the money in front of them.

I have never led anyone on, and will never do so. I am clear about who I am, and what the relationship is about. However occasionally, I meet clients who choose to see something else altogether.

What surprises me about Mr X, is that he is married, has kids, is middle aged,has a secure job, but is bonkers!

He is now saying can we meet as punter and escort.
 

Nia - this client has no idea of boundaries and has lost track of what the arrangement is all about.

But ...

You know I once fell in love with an escort but I hope did not behave like this and tried to keep my feelings to myself. Like you she had the view you describe like this:

"When the client starts to feel that he is not a client, and that he is in that special category, then you know you have done your job well. It is amusing when a client really believes that you are in love with him, and just don't want to admit it."

I never believed that she loved me - I had more sense! And tried not to pester her. However when the measure of a good escort is that she can make a client feel he is special - there are likely to be consequences. Some will sadly genuinely believe they really were special to the escort.

We all like to feel loved.

As you know I no longer visit escorts - honestly Nia! - but I sometimes think I might have preferred visiting an escort where I had an empathetic ear and a kiss and cuddle rather than just the ones that performed athletic sex.

(But when you got both ... !!!!!)

I suppose I am saying that having clients fall in love with you is likely to be am occupational hazard when you try to make clients feel special - and I know I always liked to visit an escort who could make me feel like that.

xPx
 

I've translated your post in italian for my blog, if you don't mind. :-)
 

Nia,

you have my sympathy. Just reading this made me feel tired.

I had a client who bought me very expensive presents more or less from the start. It was most embarrassing. He would see me for five hours at a time, and the value of the presents exceeded the fee, so he was spending a small fortune. Unecessary. All I wanted was the fee, but he wanted so much more than just a service... It had to end eventually which was a shame because we got on well when he left the game playing out of it.
 

Pygar,

Thank you for your comments. He has lost track, and lost it very early. He is not a first timer, and has seen escorts before.

I feel that it is sad that if I make a client feel special, there will be consequences.

Why is it that some people don't lose track?

Pygar, I know you have slowly come out of retirement,lol. It is okay you know.

It is an occupational hazard, you are right.
 

Klara,

Of course I don't mind :)

Sarah,

Thank you for your comments. The whole thing is tiring, and these complications, take the fun out of it.
 

Interesting debate.

Your comment about looking to be seen as special being a slippery slope maybe needs clarifying.

None of us want to be just a "number" whether it is in this "game" or any other aspect of our lives.

In seeing WGs we, as clients, are just that. at least in our own eyes...........unless we are arrogant or don't care. What do I have to differentiate me from other clients? I sometimes wonder if WGs fully recognise that aspect from a client's point of view.

You, as the WG, are special because you have been picked out of a cast of thousands LOL........at least in most cases and......if the guy keeps coming back then it must boost the slef esteem and self worth..........providing the guy is not bonkers.

Clients don't get anything to compare to that, I don't think.

Yes, it may be a slippery slope but I cannot see how it can be avoided..........at least by me. That is why the perspective is so important.

I value myself. I therefore want those who have anything to do with me to value me. Not just WGs. If I didn't value myself I wouldn't care if I was special or not. It isn't just about the girl it is about me.

Does that make sense? Don't ypu want to feel special when you are with a client? Don't you like it less when you feel as though you are just a number?

That is why perspective is so important..........in all aspects of our lives. The WG/client thing represents that challenge in an extreme form I think.

....and self exteem when I see a WG? Yes and no. I know I am a better lover (I think..........oops a doubt LOL) but emotionally it still comes down to the choosing thing. No matter how special she can make me feel on the day that doubt will always be there. I don't really see how it can be avoided.

.........the only way to avoid it is if you can happily have detached sex; unemotional sex.

I can't and wouldn't want to........so I'm prepared to live with the downside in order to experience the ups.........of which there are many. I suppose another way of describing that need is this; I want the experience to be special. In order for it to be special the WG has to see it, and me, as special. Does that help?

And the ups are this; within the "bubble" of a WG/client relationship there can be a beauty that cannot be replicated in any other kind of relationship. It is a journey that can be pure bliss; I'm not just talking about the sex here.Real life would change the dynamics of what you can have within this "bubble"; this journey. It is an escape the like of which neither party could get anywhere else, I think. That makes it a special journey. That is why perspective is so important because, by accepting and dealing with the negatives I can enjoy the postives for what they are. So for me, the experience is special...............and I think for the WG, on occasion LOL, too.

It is when I think about that, that my self esteem is ok; I know that some WGs can see that and enjoy the mutual journey...........It is about raising the whole thing above the commercial side but still retaining the boundaries.............it makes the boundaries very important (the envelope etc).........to avoid the potential consequences.

I've rambled on here a bit, sorry................but I hope I've added to your understanding.

It is when that understanding is not there or looked for that the trouble starts; from both sides.

Grumpy Old Man
 

GOM,

What I was trying to get at,with the slippery slope comment; was that the client could start to see and believe things that did not exist, if he was looking to feel special from the start.

I can see why you would want to differentiate yourself from the masses,lol.

I can only talk from my own experience.

Yes, I am touched when someone has picked me out of the thousands. As to whether it does something for my self esteem, is another story. I am not in this industry to boost my self esteem, some are, and I have raised this in another blog post, before.

I have good relationships with some of my regulars,lol, and am pleased about that. However, I don't put what I feel in the self esteem/self worth box. I am happy, that is it.

I believe that I value myself too, but where I differ from you, is that a booking can still take place with a client, who does not value me. Whether they value me or not is irrelevant in my eyes. I expect a certain degree of respect throughout the booking.

What you are saying does make sense. However I don't go into every booking with a client wanting to feel special.

GOM, I want to get paid, and develop a rapport, and have good sex.

I can see your discomfort in the relationship, because you were not chosen by the WG.

However, does that mean that you then cannot be valued because you were not chosen?

Well, I think you have made yourself clear, that you want it be special. In order for that to happen, the WG has to see it, and you as special.

However, as we know, if the WG gives you that impression, and as far as she is concerned, she is just doing her job. Things go wrong, when you start to believe that she was not just doing her job.

Great that you experience bliss with your Wg.

I enjoy the journey with some clients, and fortunately some of them are clear about the boundaries. We can still have a really good time within that framework, and feel that it was not commercial, even though we know it was.

Thank you for sharing GOM.
 

Thanks Nia.

The value thing is bound to be different between yourself and a client.

Even if a client doesn't value you.............you can fall back on the fact that you are being paid......and there must be some value in that LOL.

The client can't.

You cannot compare.

As for being aware that a WG is doing her job; oh yes........that is a must.

That's a barrier for both to feel safe behind.........and enjoy the rest LOL.

Grumpy Old Man
 

How to strike a balance between commercial sex and having a nice time? How to make the client feel wonderful and not make him feel like you have feelings for him?
How to save something for yourself, while at the same time giving all of yourself?

Some clients just get it all wrong IMHO
 

As a client I think if you get the perspective right the balance looks after itself.

Grumpy Old Man