Friday, September 05, 2008

Covering your tracks or not

I met someone this week , who is going through a divorce. She has been married for ten years, and just discovered her husband was having an affair. Her husband moved his mistress into one of their properties, while they were married. She didn't see it coming, as he seems to have covered his tracks. She found out about his infidelity via a friend.Unbelievable.

I wonder what type of human being can move their mistress, into one of their homes, while he is still married. I thought I had seen and heard it all, but this is so below the belt, I am speechless.

Maybe some of you out there can help me understand this man?

What does it take to show respect to your wife, and call it a day, without moving your mistress in. It turns out that he had a string of women throughout his marriage.

So, the divorce proceedings are on, which he is trying to mess up. She has a fortune, that he wants a part of. The man(b******) has no limits.

I continue to read what is going on with Sarah Summers, and one of her ex clients. Her client's wife has posted some comments in this post. One of the comments is that Sarah encourages married men to come to see her, and I guess this extends to all escorts.

I disagree, married men choose to come and see us, they know what they are doing. I don't advertise, and say that I only want to see married men. Whether they are married or not, is irrelevant to me. I do my job,they pay me for my time, end of story. If they choose to see me again, that is up to them.

It is a fact that about eighty per cent of my clients are married. I imagine it is the same for most escorts. I think it says a lot about their marriages, and needs.

I can understand why a wife would be upset, but to blame the escort totally, is a cop out. It fails to look at her husband's responsibility. I am not about to ask a client whether his wife has approved that he is seeing me. I live in the real world, and want to get paid. I also do not see myself as someone who is destroying marriages either, in fact I think escorts can have the opposite effect.

If a client does not cover his tracks, that is his funeral.

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First of all I agree that what this man is doing is awful.

A couple of points;

I'll try to explain what might be the mentality of him, since I am a man LOL (I do sometimes wonder). Power, control and risk. A lot of men love to experience one or all of these. I think it applies to men more than women, in general, although all three could be said to apply to escorting LOL.

He was exercising power by feeling he can balance two women at once, control by keeping one apart from the other, by keeping them both in a kind of compartmnet. The risk doesn't have to be explained.

Risk is the only one I empathise with; part of the buzz I get is the risk; the power and control are not things that give me a kick. I wouldn't see escorts if they were important, I don't think.

The other point I want to make is this; you suggest that you don't encourage married men to come to see you? Indirectly, I think you do. Any marketing encourages any man to come to see you and since the majority are married then, indirectly, you do encourage married men to do this.

I'm married and I look at websites and blogs and that encourages me to consider specific I am being encouraged.

Just because you don't say, "Married men are especially welcome" doen't mean you aren't encouraging them.

A good ananlogy might be this; selling sex is like selling alcohol. Some people will use the product sensibly, others will not. Unknowingly an alcohol seller will sell his wares to people who cannot handle it. An alcohol producer, when he advertises IS encouraging an alcohol abuser to buy his product but is also encouraging those who can benefit by it to use it too.

Could I sell alcohol? Yes, I could, but I would wonder about some of my customers and wrestle with my conscience.

I would rationalise it like this; yes, I encourage people to buy a potentially harmful product but for everyone who abuses it there are many who benefit.

I think that would be a bit more realistic than saying "I don't encourage alcohol abusers"

Grumpy Old Man
Actually, thinking about it, control does come into it for me; I exercise control by keeping it within the bounds of a commercial thing.

This man has got the balance all wrong and consequently lost that control.

..........and completely lacks compassion which can apply to both men and women.

Grumpy Old Man

Thank you for your perspective as a man.

You are right, I encourage all men to see me. Married men are part of that.

I think that the wives, would ideally like escorts to not see their husbands. If that was the case, then escorts would not have work. However we don't bring their husbands in, with collars and chains.

I was trying to point out that the men have some choice,and make decisions.
LOL.....I think some wives may actually prefer that their men see escorts.

Yes, the choice is, ultimaytely, the man's.

I MUST accept responsibility for what I play with fireworks you might get burnt.

Grumpy Old Man
One would hope that any punter married or not, punts responsibly and is as discreet as we are. This is not the case, as has been proven this week for me.

What I find to be sad is that we get the blame and the husband and wife who are both in this marriage seem to exonerate themselves from any responsibility at all!

This man who has done this to his wife, can't have ever loved her or had respect for her, that is why he found it so easy to behave in such a despicable manner. He probably never gave a second thought to his actions, only thinking he should not let her find out.
Money. The root of all evil

Thank you for your comments.

It seems like you are being used as a target.

If my friend's husband didn't love her, why did he spend ten years with her. Amazing!
My best friend was married for 10 years to a man who cheated on her most of the marriage. He never saw an escort but she knew he cheated on her at least 2 times. They went to therapy, she took him back several times, but in the end he continued to lie about things. She paid for everything, cleaned the house, ironed his shirts and cooked his meals because she thought that was what she was supposed to do for someone she loved. He took advantage of her and mentally abused her.

It is about power and risk. He admitted to txt messaging one of the other women while she was around. He got off on it. He was bored, because let's face it, my friend was an enabler, and not a lover. She provided for him, let him do whatever he wanted, and took him back after he violated his vows. He called me to schedule a trip for her to Paris when I lived there, only so he could have sex with the mistress in their house. I had no idea and it still hurts me to this day.

Grumpy old man said that escorts encourage men to visit them. I think not. Otherwise ALL men would see escorts, and Nia wouldn't need a day job, because she'd be making serious money! There are men who are faithful out there. But there are some who not only think this through, but cover their tracks. There are plenty of women running around in bikinis, doing the same sort of advertising as escorts, only they aren't as up front. Husbands make the decision to cheat. Escorts are offering a service and have no say whether or not to serve married men or single men. If the married man takes off the ring, or normally doesn't wear a ring, then what?
Lovely Liz,

Thank you for your comments. Your friend's husband calling you to schedule the trip to Paris, is out of line. I would feel awful too, knowing he had done that to be with his mistress.

My day job is something that I will always do, whether I make money escorting or not. It maintains my sanity. I have no intentions of ever escorting full time, with nothing else in my life.
To quote lovelyliz;

"Grumpy old man said that escorts encourage men to visit them. I think not. Otherwise ALL men would see escorts"

That isn't logical. Otherwise we would succumb to ALL marketing.

Marketing is ALL about encouraging; period......and those who are targeted have the choice.

Grumpy Old Man
To comment on what both Liz and GOM have said... I have to agree with Liz on this. Working girls (I hate the word 'escort') only encourage men who come looking for it to see them.

We only advertise in certain places, so the man who is not looking for sex will not find us.

We cannot indirectly encourage men to see us - married or not - unless they seek out the places where we advertise. If they are married, they should not be looking there?
Sarah; most men will look at working girl sites out of curiosity; just as most will look at porn.

To suggest otherwise I think is naive just as saying that because a man is married he shouldn't be looking there is too LOL

How many of us look at things we shouldn't? Most I would say.

How many men don't look at them? Probably a minority I would suggest.

I looked out of curiosity for years before I decided to do anything about it.

Those websites encouraged me to take that further step.

Without those websites, without that marketing I would probably never have taken the plunge. without them there would not be as much business so you must be encouraging someone.

So for me, I have been encouraged by them. And I don't think I will be alone.

I'm at the receiving end of this marketing, this encouragement, so can see it for what it is.

Grumpy Old Man
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