Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The thin end of the wedge

An email friend has inspired this post. We have had an exchange about how once you start paying for sex, it is difficult to stop.

I have met Firstimers, who claimed at the time, that it was a one off. Months later, they have seen a few more escorts, and wished they started sooner.

I know that this does not apply to everyone, but would you say that the majority of men who pay for sex, become hooked?

I think the same can apply to escorts, once you have tried it, it can be difficult to stop.

Some escorts are coming in and out of retirement all the time. It is easy for them to fall back into.

Has it become too easy?

Do you feel it has had a negative impact on your life by being a part of the industry?

I know I struggle with living a double life, but then I have also gained awareness.

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Your e-mail friend needs to get a grip.

I think it depends a lot on what stage of your life you are at. When I first discovered the DR all I wanted to do was to rearrange my life so that I could get there for a few days each month and have sex with beautiful young women.

It was not so much addiction as euphoria.

Now, three years down the road, I have been there at least 30 times and had sex with dozens and dozens of women, (sounds like addiction), but have now reached the point at which I have basically had enough and am losing interest (yes, honestly).

I do think, however, that if someone has never used a prostitute before, and they finally take the plunge, then if the first experience is a good one, they are almost guaranteed to try it again, and if it isn' so good, then they may well try it again to make sure that the lousy experience was not a one off.

It is like anything. If you have never done it before, you cannot really imagine what it is like. I always remember the first time my first wife ever went on a plane. Just after takeoff, she was looking out the window and saying "wow, wow, wow", and of course once you have seen your own country from the air, you never see it quite the same way again.
James B,

Thank you for your comments.

I wonder whether my friend needs to get a grip, hmmmm?

I guess with addiction, you can never get enough.

You say you have lost interest, ie you can stop, right?
Of course I can stop, though if I see something good on sale, I still have an eye for a bargain.

That sounds like a mixed message to me,LMAO!
I don't think it's had a negative impact on my life at all. I enjoyed it. And when I was done, I was done. I still don't understand why I was done, but it just didn't feel right any more for whatever reason. And even when I tried to talk myself back into it (I had great men, great times, great money, great experiences so WHY?-made not sense), I knew it was over for me. But I have been that way with all my business incarnations- when done, I am done.

As far as hobbyists- I have only known one well. He was one of my gents for about a year and then decided to move on. But we remained friends and he told me he was also done with escorts- the thrill of the hunt, the new was gone for him.

I think that basically we all do things because we have a need to fulfill of some sort. Hobbyists are no different.When that need is filled, the experience loses its import. Is it an addiction? Maybe, as other addictions can come and go when the need for them is gone, too.

It's my opinion and exeperience with addictions is that if someone thinks it's an addiction, and if they want to stop, the quickest way out of that is to ask why the need for the addiction is there, then address that instead of doing the unconscious behavior. And if you don't want to change it, then just continue hobbying and enjoying life.
Well, I can't comment on this directly, as I have never paid for sex nor gotten paid for it. But it seems to make sense that if you can get good sex easily for money, why wouldn't it become an addiction. A comfort zone. James tries to argue that it's not true but his whole argument seems to give up points to the other side of the debate team.

Interesting topic!
Of course I can stop, though ... Yes James. Of couse you can! No really, I believe you. Just like the smoker who isn't addicted and could give it up ay time he wanted. Ot the guy who has a drink or two every day purely for social reasons or to relax after a stressful day. He could stop any time he wanted.

I'm a bit like that myself! Or was once in relation to escorts. Now it has tended to become more of a habbit I think that I don't perhaps look forward to as much as I used to.

At one time when I had seen an escort I found myself wanting to repeat the experience a soon as possible. Isn't that a sign of addiction?

I was better off then and could afford to more often but still tended to limit myself to once a month. (Like the smoker limiting himself to twenty a day or the daily drinker not having his first drink until after six?)

So of course we're not addicted - are we James?
It is of course so easy ...

"Has it become too easy," asks Nia?

I worry though that the fact it is so easy now to pay for good sex with a beautiful woman is having an affect on men's attitudes to women.

I read something reently that implied that there are a growing number of young men who perhaps find it easier to pay for sex than go on a date - with no guarantee at the end!

I suppose this sadly also illustrates the main reason many men do date.

B xx
A lot of people oppose the easy labeling of various things as "addiction," which some feel should be reserved for a physiological dependence. Whatever you call this . . . from everything I've heard and read, for many (on both sides of the aisle) "pay-for-play" is very difficult to stop once they've started. Even when they realize that it's self-destructive behavior. (For them; need not be self-destructive for everyone.)

I, on the other hand, would paraphrase Mark Twain's comment. For me, quitting P4P is easy. I've done it many times. :-)

James B has a point but what happened with me is the 'addiction' is selective, i.e. By creating my own environment (in an hotel usually) I can enjoy the whole experience plus by only seeing 3 or 4 familar ladies I can control my emotional responses. 'Affairs' without the stress!
Peter B

Thank you for your comments.

I guess the why is not important, it just felt right for you to move on.

I am interested that you tried to talk yourself back into it, and yet knew it was time to move on.

Dirty Filthy Princess,

Thank you for stopping by.

I can see how it can become addictive.


Thank you for your comments.

A habit that you don't look forward to as much as you used to, but a habit that you have. Countdown until your next meeting, booked in the diary,lol?

It feels like it is easy Beau, but I am not complaining,lol.


Thank you for your comments.

LMAO at you quitting many times!

Peter B,

Thank you for your comments.

Selective addiction, that meets your needs,lol.
A fascinating post Nia, and even more intriguing comments! It's particularly interesting to hear the client view, as like you I've met first-timers who develop a habit, despite their initial protestations that it's a one-off.

From an escort's point of view, I think that being paid does become addictive. It's not just the money, it's the sense of equality it engenders - you begin to feel you're giving a good service and so being paid is natural. Since becoming an escort, I haven't dated anyone and I find the concept of going on unpaid dates slightly peculiar now. I'm not sad about that - I see it as a choice - but I can quite see that from the outside that might look like an addiction...

Livvy xxx

Thank you for your comments.

Interesting that you find the concept of unpaid dates peculiar.

So have paid dates become the norm for you?

Whatever the norm is.
Nia, I am going to have to leave a comment:

I can not for my life see what is wrong with paying for companionship and/ or sex or whatever else one wants form someone else or in life. Neither can I see anything wrong with receiving money or gifts or other forms of valuations for companionship and/ or sex.

It’s all free, harmless, innocent choices.

My question is really why question it all in the first place? Is it for sake of discussion? Or perhaps the fact that making it all seem like something wrong may brings some additional excitement to the scenario?

And on the note of addiction or being hooked, either to hookers or to being a whore: I think it is all great, a little addiction really makes the world a more colorful and fun place!

Thank you for your comments. You will find if you read my archives, that I write whatever is on my mind.

I may have misinterpreted your comments.

However, in answer to your question, you will find that I blog about whatever is on my mind.

Exploring or questioning an issue, does not imply that I think that it is wrong.

You may have misinterpreted my post.
I like the fact that you write what's on your mind Nia! It's an interesting debate, especially in view of your earlier post on 'exiting packages', as this is certainly something that I imagine stops people from making such an exit.

Paid dates strangely have become the norm for me. That's partly because I like what I do, so being paid for it is a bonus, but I suppose it's also the sense of equality or a contract that Gillette highlighted in one her posts. On the practical front too, I think dating can be problematic - I believe in honesty as a general rule but I can't quite think how I'd explain my career choices to a partner.

Livvy xxx
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