Friday, March 09, 2007

Self esteem and neediness

I have come across a number of escorts who have said ; that they have higher self-esteem since they started escorting. I find this interesting. It makes sense if the majority of your clients are dishing out compliments, when they see you.

However, there is the other side of the scene, which can be experienced on messageboards and reviews.

Conversations about how an escort looks, and what she does are dissected and debated ad infinitum.

Yes,the focus is on how you look,and what you do constantly, as I raised in kiss my fat ass.

I imagine for women who have low self esteem, escorting can be soul destroying. However, I think for some escorts out there who are emotionally needy, escorting can feed that need.

Making sure that they surround themselves with clients, mainly regulars, who think they are manna from heaven,can give them a buzz. They thrive on it.

It gets difficult when these types of escorts, encounter clients who think they are are not manna from heaven, and all hell breaks loose.

They are so dependent on constant validation. So, when someone posts something on a messageboard or a review, that does not fit with their perception of themselves, it is blown out of proportion. Their egos are so fragile, that they cannot move on from this, and take it personally.

Is it realistic to expect, that you can please everyone that you meet?

I believe these types of escorts are not in it only for the money, but to fulfil an emotional need.

Have a good weekend!

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Self esteem? What is that??? Speaking for myself only here, I can feel on top of the world one day, be showered with compliments form the clients I see, and then the next day I can be in the deepest of depressions. When the 'phone goes, i find myself thinking why me? Is it because he has exhausted all other possibilities?

This job we do fucks with your mind.

I have low self esteem. I always have. It's my mother's fault. She never had a good word to say about me when I was a child. When I grew up she tried it on with my children saying they would grow up big headed if I said nice things about them to their faces.

My children have grown up knowing how wonderful they are. Their mother on the other hand thinks she is a nobody....... :(
I think that is a really perceptive post Nia.

I think any woman must get a buzz out of men being prepared to pay large amounts of money to spend time with them, to have men fawning over them and saying how beautiful they are and maybe giving them presents. And this perhaps every day from lots of men.

Whose head wouldn't be turned by it?

Often men can get into emotional difficulties in this business by believing the fantasies - but so too can the women.

B xx
Yes, I think you are spot on with these comments. One of the most accurate posts about escorting that I have seen.You must have done a lot of research!

It is not that these escorts are not in it for the money, but that they would not be able to be in it for the money if they were not getting other compensations that keep up their enthusiasm.

You can see this a bit (a lot) in the blog posts of College Girl, for example.

I think the self esteem thing applies also to the men. Over and over again you see that kind of self-satisfied tone in the online escort reviews, where probably the main motivation for writing the review is not to benefit one's fellow man, but to tell the world that one has just had sex with a beautiful woman, and that she appeared to enjoy it as much as you did. So there, Sally Jones in high school! Now look at yourself divorced, fat, forty, and not so fair any more, and look at me, International Playboy extraordinaire bonking lovelies from Lithuana. The tables are turned now... oops did I really write that on PunterNet?
Thinking again on this one. I think it is realistic to expect that you can please almost everyone who comes to visit with you provided you have furnished your website with the truth and nothing but the truth.

Problem is that some girls just don't. Then they wonder why they get no repeat clients and bad feedback on websites.

Thank you for your comments.

I am sorry that your mother was the way she was. I wonder whether she is aware of the damage that she has caused.

Yes, this job can mess with your mind, if you let it.


Thank you for your comments. I know some cynical escorts, whose heads have not been turned.

You are right it can work both ways.

James B,

Thank you for your comments. I think the self esteem applies to the men, too.

As you point out, it becomes obvious in some of their reviews.
Heck, many escorts have a complete fit if a man writes a review anything short of spectacular.
I suspect your comment about fragile egos might apply to some clients as well. Sure, there's the "look at me, I'm such a stud, this beautiful woman made love to me!!" attitude. But he also realizes (despite the ego-stroking by her, unless he's totally self-deluded) that it didn't happen because of who he is but because of the $$$. Ego-deflating, just as it can be ego-deflating for an escort who receives a less than glowing review.

Neither cynical/low self-esteem or needy is a very healthy way to approach this. Those who can maintain an even keel emotionally are better off. And I think you're in that category. :)


Thank you for your comments. You are right.


Thank you for your comments. I think the challenge is to find a healthy approach :)
I would think that this work could swing both ways for a provider's ego. I have an escort friend, attractive, but with a body that is not model perfect. Her pictures are representative of her. She went on a call and when the guy saw her, he said he changed his mind. She took it in stride, I was devastated for her. I think it would take a very tough person to be able to weather the differnt tastes and not take it personally/make that kind of situation go deeper than you would want it to.

I agree that at times it can be a rush when you realize that someone is willing to give you a sizeable amount of cash just to hang out with you. In my case, this went on for years with the same people and it amazed me.

Good topic, Nia...covered nicely. Thanks.

Thank you for your comments. I hear what you are saying, about rejection. I imagine if it happens constantly, it will have an impact.

The thing is even if the pictures are representative; some clients build up a picture in their minds, that you can never meet.

My view is when you allow yourself to be consumed by it, it will have an impact.
I agree with Gillette on this. Clients look at the gallery on the website and fall for an image. No matter how acurate that image may be we can never be exactly what they thought they were going to get. if we are lucky we exceed their expectations, but I expect the reality is that we fall far short of them.

Being consumed by the fact that we fall short of what they were hoping for is governed by the state of our minds at that time. If we are already feeling low then it just compounds it.
Following on from gillette's comment - working in a parlour this can happen every day.

Clients can be given a choice of wg who can be accepted or rejected. To be paraded and rejected like this must be so damaging to self esteem.

A couple of wgs have told me of experiences in a flat or parlour when a regular came in and they assumed it was to meet them but embarassingly had to say that day they had come to see the other woman ...

At least online men either choose to visit or not - but to have it in front of you in a "line-up" type of situation ...

How that must affect a woman's self esteem!!!!!!

B xx

Thank you for your comments. Yes, if you are feeling low anyway, this type of rejection, will have an impact.


The parlour lineup situation is awful, but I am sure they have found ways to cope with it.
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