Friday, February 16, 2007

Getting it right?

How can I find a prostitute who's not being exploited by a pimp, boyfriend or escort agency, who's disease-free, not an addict or a basket case, has made a conscious and informed choice to sell sex and is happy doing it?

I recently had my heart broken and I don't want another relationship just yet, but I want to fuck. I don't, however, want to go through the make-believe or outright deception usually required to pick up a one-night stand. All my female friends with potential for benefits are either in relationships or too afraid to complicate our friendship with sex, and I don't want to contribute to the exploitation of anyone, which I imagine is the case with almost all prostitutes on the street, online or in the Yellow Pages. The only option I can think of is a happy (and healthy) hooker. Does she exist? How do I find her? Are there any other options? HELP A RANDY DUDE

The more I answer questions like this, the more the “issues” that concern people about prostitution feel like a red herring. I mean, think about some of the other women you've slept with. If you held them up to the same light, honey, you wouldn't be getting laid for love or money. We want so much out of hookers (impeccable health, radiant sanity and dignified business standards, to name just three), yet we're not willing to offer them an atmosphere conducive to attaining these things. I challenge anyone to work at a job that's illegal (for all intents and purposes) and, as such, vilified and dangerous, and see if they don't want a good stiff drink or a toot on a crack pipe now and then. People in other jobs who face similar stresses are often given subsidized therapy, paid vacations and legal resources when they suffer abuse at work. Hookers? Nada. And still, when do you ever hear about an escort driving up to her agency, pulling out a rifle and pegging off her colleagues or clients? If you ask me, that's a fucking miracle.

suggest you look at the ads in the back of weeklies and online that have a personal touch to them, and ask the provider about her services while thinking of her as a businessperson, not as Typhoid Mary. I respect the fact that you want your experience to be good and you want to work with someone who wants to work with you. I'm just saying that you need to get a little perspective on the fact that sex work is work and, by virtue of that, has its pressures and pitfalls. It's important to be realistic about this venture. It is a business transaction, but there are many women who enjoy being good at sex and have little concern about using this skill as a form of employment. A hooker is happy when a client is courteous, appreciates her time and doesn't heap all kinds of ideological and ignorant shit on her head while she's giving him head.

Quotes from
Love Bites by Sasha

I think Sasha has given this man a thorough response. It is not illegal in the UK. Is it illegal in Canada?

What is your definition of a Happy escort?

Have a good weekend!

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Prostitution and escorting are legal in Canada.
However, public solicitation and incall are illegal. And supporting your parents technically means "living on the avails"... Basically, laws are outdated big time.

Escorting licenses are regulated by each city. Some offer individual licenses, some don't. It's ironic how in many cities, one cannot legally act as an independent escort... She's got to work for an agency, get police clearance and "inform the city of any change in employment". I know from boards that several independent women had issues: all they had to do was remove the word 'escort" from their advertising, and the city left them alone...
A happy escort is one who takes pride in her work. I don't just mean this in the cliched sense of the phrase--often used in its negative version to refer to someone who does not do a good job--so much as one who really feels that she is good at what she does and that this is a source of self esteem for her, as well as money.

I think the reply is a good reply, but in my opinion sex is mostly just sex--regardless of whether it is paid for or donated, it is the same thing.

Thank you for the clarification. It looks like the situation will vary depending on which city you are in.

James B,

Thank you for your comments.
Happy escort? I think in terms of what it means generally to be happy with your job. If you asked whether I were happy with my job, I'd think about whether I thought I was good at it, that is, it matched my skills; whether I liked most of my clients and the people I worked with; whether I usually enjoyed -- or at least didn't dislike -- my day. And the answer would be yes. Doesn't mean I would do this for free; doesn't mean that my clients and co-workers are my best friends; doesn't mean that I don't occasionally get annoyed with a client or co-worker (but almost never beyond mild annoyance); doesn't mean that I don't have occasional bad days.

The only addition for an escort relates to the illegality (many places) and/or stigma/shame. So:

1) Enjoys sex and is proficient at it
2) Likes many of her clients -- to the same degree other service professionals do, that is, mildly; I'm not talking about best friends let alone romance :-)
3) Rarely strongly dislikes a client
4) Does not feel degraded by or ashamed of the nature (illegality/stigma) of her profession
5) Doesn't feel overly stressed by it or exhausted/depressed at the end of the day
6) Has a strong sense of self-esteem

I think the definition in the article isn't bad: "women who enjoy being good at sex and have little concern about using this skill as a form of employment" and whose typical "client is courteous, appreciates her time and doesn't heap all kinds of ideological and ignorant shit on her head [including trying to manipulate her or falling in love with her] while she's giving him head."


Thank you for your comments. What an interesting list.

I think No 3 is debatable. You just never know who is going to walk through the door.

I can think of a number of people who are on my Blacklist, who are in that category.

They are in the minority, thankfully.
I think it's a matter of frequency. There will always be some, but hopefully it's still "rarely." If an escort frequently strongly dislikes her clients . . . she needs to adjust her marketing to attract a different type of client, or else get out of the profession. Nothing worse than working someplace that makes you miserable on a routine basis. :-)

Of course, "rarely" and "frequently" aren't very precise terms, are they? At what point would "bad clients" make you unhappy about your job? 1%? 2%? 5%? 10%? It's interesting to me because I don't know how prevalent those bad clients are. I've seen extremes loosly thrown around in discussions -- "0.01% of my clients" "75% of the guys" "all but a handful."


I would say that it is about 1%. When it starts to rise dramatically, then I am outta here.

I am clear about that. When I start to have to brace myself, then I need to quit. That has not happened yet.

The figure does not remain constant, and the bad clients come in dribs and drabs.

I avoid certain types through my screening, but some slip through the net.

There are some things that you discover about a client when you meet them, which you would never pick up via email or on the phone.
Except for #3 (with which I agree Nia, it's ymmv or case by case...and can change over time!) Chevalier has a good list.

I met mine in a more public setting and then got to see her privately. She's very lovely, good at what she does and well regarded.

The drama around all this (and that's how I read the guy) can be mitigated and really avoided unless a person has to have it as part of the "experience"...still the only way to "get it right" is to get out and do it.
Lots of bad clients is one thing...doing further sessions with someone she has issues with is another because I don't think it would healthy for her.

First way to being a happy escort is one who is healthy and takes care of herself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. If one of these feels "off" she will not be happy in what she is doing, so won't be able to provide a top notch service.
In all truth and honesty, I do not think there is such a thing as a happy hooker any more than there is a happy doctor/dentist/butcher/baker/whatever.....

Why read so much into it and why be so pompous as to only want a happy one?

If the girl makes the choice to 'hook' and there is no-one taking her earnings, if she is good at what she does and makes YOU feel good, why should there be any need for any more criteria? You are paying for a service, not a CV of her well being/personal situation?
. as an afterthought, it might make for interesting reading on my website.

I am a happy hooker, I like what I do. No-one is making me do this or taking my money off me.

I am clean and get regular checks, I am not a convicted felon, nor have I ever exposed myself in a public place. I do not spend my fees on drugs and as far as I can tell I am not a basket case - yet !
Al laddin,

Thank you for stopping by, and for your comments. Yes, getting it right, is not always guaranteed.


Thank you for your comments. Self care is big on my list.


Thank you for your comments. Happiness means different things to different people. I wonder what response you would get, if you put that on your site.
In all truth and honesty, I do not think there is such a thing as a happy hooker any more than there is a happy doctor/dentist/butcher/baker/whatever.....

Why read so much into it and why be so pompous as to only want a happy one?

I think there are some happy doctors, dentists, etc ...

I'm not sure it is pomposity - rather I think it is guilt.

That we don't want to be having such intimate contact with someone who is hating it. Is it then only the payment that stops it being rape?

B xx
Nia, I am seriously thinking about it !...LOL

Only thing stopping me is being rumbled on here. The anonimity is a glorious decadent escape. You have no idea how good it feels girl. It's akin to running naked through the woods in the pouring rain........................ :)
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