Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Confusing friendship with business between escorts and clients

Beau, and I first made contact last year. He sent me an email responding to something that I had posted on a messageboard.

We have been in email contact ever since. We made numerous attempts to meet for lunch last year, but somehow it never happened. A relationship developed via email, and Beau became a pal, who I could share my feelings with, about the industry, and other political issues that we both had interests in. I did not imagine that I would ever meet Beau as a client, because I felt that we had become too friendly. My relationship with Beau, felt like some of the friendships that I have with my gay male friends where I bare my soul, but would never sleep with them. Sorry Beau, but my friendships with my gay male friends are supersolid, and I hope you are not offended by this.

Jo knew that I was in touch with Beau, and had spoken to him about me. I met Jo in the winter this year, and happened to be wearing thermals, which is something that she makes fun of. What Jo fails to appreciate, is that my body is just not designed to cope with the cold, and I have to keep warm. Jo does not need to wear thermals when the temperature drops, but I do. Well, Jo mentioned to Beau, who had not met me yet, that I wore thermals, and I could not believe it. I got an email from Beau, and he was making fun of me too! He then sent me an email, asking whether we could meet for a few hours. Any reservations that I had about our email friendship, went out the window, because Beau knew that I wore thermals.If he knew that, there was nothing to fear. For the record, I do not wear thermals when I meet clients, even I am aware, that they have no sex appeal.

Okay Jo?

I suppose the relationship that I had built with Beau was different, because we had a lot of contact before meeting, and I had never imagined that we would meet on that level. I was worried that when we did meet, it might affect our friendship, which is not something that I am concerned about with other clients that I am in contact with.Purely because I do not have a preexisting relationship with them, before we meet. We both had experience of relationships where mixing business and friendship in this industry had gone wrong.

Beau is a sensitive, warm, giving man. I was struck by his need to please me. I imagine that it would not have worked for him, if he did not feel that he was giving me something. I got the impression that Beau is not the type of man who only needs a woman who is a stunning model type.For some men, as long as you are good looking, nothing else matters. That is not sufficient for Beau. He tends to need a lot of intimacy and closeness, and is able to give it out too.It was great to just lie there with him, cuddled up.

I will never forget the way he called my name at several points in our meeting.That has now become a long standing joke between us.

I got an email from a woman yesterday, who I have never met, who said that she was glad that there were people like me in the industry. I want to say thank you to her, and to let her know that she made my day.

Thank you to Beau and Overlain for your comments.

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Thank you very much Nia for your kind words.

I'm sure you know I enjoyed our all too short time together very much.

There are lots of issues about clients and escorts being friends.

I would be interested to hear the views of other readers - clients and escorts - as to whether that can ever work.
I would count myself good friends with several escorts, by which I mean we'll meet for drinks if they are in my neck of the woods without any payment involved. I also meet them professionally of course, and see no problem or inconsistency with that. There are lots of other escorts who I would like to have that sort of relationship with, but I feel it's best practise to wait for them to suggest it or to make it clear it would be fine.
There have been lots of discussions on various forums about the dangers of falling in love with an escort. Normally the escorts say that everyone is different and we shouldn't generalise, but the guys who have dated escorts normally say that the same sort of problems lead to those relationships breaking up. I actually did date an escort for 3 months. It was a fantastic time and I still keep in touch on a purely plutonic basis. We had two classic problems though. First she had a huge gap in her income, since I wanted her to stop escorting. I'm lucky to be quite affluent, but it felt awkward for me to be giving her money to keep her in the manner to which she was accustomed. Secondly, she had had some awful things happen in her past which I think contributed to her becoming an escort. I don't want to go into any detail on that, but it became obvious that she wanted me to replace some bigger gaps in her life than I realistically could.
Thanks for that Overlain - it's interesting to hear anothers point of view. I wonder though if in meeting an escort friend for drinks one should wait until they suggest it first. Otherwise as we pay them for "time and companionship" it is like asking them for their service for free.

It can be easy to misunderstand the signals too. Part of a good escorts job is to be friendly and make the client feel special. That can easily be mistaken by a client for real friendship or even more.

I once became far too emotionally attached to an escort. She was much younger than me and I am married so I tried to hide my true feelings. I did hope we could be friends though and we did occasionally meet for luch, drinks, dinner, etc. and kept in contact. Eventually though I decided to stop seeing her professionally. I wrote about this on a previous blog - now deleted.

There was something not quite right about friendship and paid sex. Can one really pay a true friend for sex or accept money for sex from a real friend?

What do we call a friend who we have sex with? Is that not a lover? There are dangers of it feeling like that at any rate despite the financial transaction.

So since my hearbreak with an escort I have found I have tended to have longer gaps between visits to any particular escort. I have never visited another escort as a "regular".

But each of us - client and escort - must find our own way through this. It is often raised on messageboards so I guess it is an issue for many.

I don't find any problem paying a good escort friend for sex, just as I wouldn't have a problem paying a mechanic friend for fixing my car. But of course that only works because it is recreational sex rather than loving sex. To my mind recreational sex is a bit like playing a game of squash. It's hot, exhausting, exhilerating and afterwards you relax and have a few drinks. Loving sex is totally different. In my view love is something that works on a subconscious (I would guess genetically-programmed) level, which is why we so seldom understand it, and why so many people seem to choose what are prima facie unsuitable partners. It's been said before that the last thing you should do is start sleeping with someone because you've become really close friends. The sexual attraction must be there first and foremost even if you share all the same interests and can finish each others sentences.
"I don't find any problem paying a good escort friend for sex, just as I wouldn't have a problem paying a mechanic friend for fixing my car."

I used to think the same and then ...

... my emotions took over!

It's only happened once so maybe it was just that I was programmed to fall for her!

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